As someone from Boston once excellently said outside a Faneuil Hall legal community , “ Fuck you consider you ’re doing ? That ’s Mikey ’s cab ! ”
Once rumour to be a place where civilized Brahmins made polite deal with other civilized Brahmin to keep the Price of used Saabs down , our city on a hill is now ( and has been , for as long as I recall it ) a caldron of hot fire emotions . Bostonians have a reputation for having ready fiery temper , blame mostly on the metropolis ’s ethnic legal age ( Irish , Italian , and Portuguese ) having a penchant for drama and determinedly daily attitudes towards temperance .
And though that stereotype is not wholly average , and easy to refute on a pillowcase - by - case basis , when call for as a whole , it is hard to drive away the whimsy thatBostonand its surrounding suburbia give off an air to outsiders that is challenge , unsafe , and hard to explain . But hump those people , amirite ? ! ? ! They probably do n’t even own several jounce of discontinued strawberry Fluff .
Spencer Platt/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Rather than examine the weirdly recondite WHY behind the emotional volcanoes that burst out every prison term someone from Norwood find out someone from Dedham behave “ sporty ” at the moving-picture show theater of operations , countenance ’s look at the WHAT .
So here , friends , is a list of of the things that make people from around Boston so all-fired wild . screw you if you do n’t read it , you undercover New York piece of shit .
1. Disrespecting the accent in movies/TV
2. Just, like, all sports
Sports . Sports . Sports . athletics . Boston is a sportiest of sports town , the platonic apotheosis of a buff foundation giving a shit , the antithesis of Miami . Does your mother call you to differentiate you about who got in scrap during the Bruins game from the previous week ? Even though you ’ve explicitly told her you do n’t really care about the Bruins ? You know what , she probably does , because everyone from this place seems like they ’re always angrily sauce on a Kool - economic aid intermixture made up of Tom Brady beldame Hunt , Red Sox direction error , and people from Montreal who do n’t care Brad Marchand .
My sis went into her room while visiting our dada in San Diego and rain buckets the NCAA hockey tournament for six hours because BC was in it . The only radiocommunication stations define to preset in my mamma ’s car are WEEI and the one with Felger and Mazz and Toucher and Rich . I once write about the Krafts not being bully soccer proprietor and got threat of somatic harm ( plus an tempestuous message from my mother ) .
No one is pronounce we ca n’t or should n’t be a passionate devotee nucleotide . It ’s in our deoxyribonucleic acid , it ’s our lifeblood . But the combination of paranoia and insecurity mixed with a conspiracy theorist ’s dream daybook worth of excuses is wearying . But yes , mom , I am gallant that Chara stood up for Krejci .
Flickr/Lorianne DiSabato
3. That BankBoston no longer exists
Man , that was a smashing bank building , right ? That cool green logo with the bird of Jove on the ATM card ? The coalesce fiscal heft of Bank of Boston and BayBank ? Fucking Fleet , world . I call back they commove me for baulk .
4. Southie
Few affair are such a trigger point for ire as South Boston . Either you finger like the old , proud enclosed Irish town on the water has been assaulted by a gentrification hurricane rivaling the power of Bob in 1991 , or you ’re glad to see changes and progress made in an otherwise hostile and somewhat all-fired racist part of Ithiel Town . Wherever you pass on that spectrum ( and you do fall somewhere , it ’s senseless to fight it ) , you are in all likelihood kind of angry about it mightily now .
5. Sharks ruining our damn beaches
WTF are shark doing all over the place in Cape Cod ? When I was small you could boogie add-in on top of a dozen blooming seals into Nauset Beach while eating a sour cream donut from Fleming ’s dipped in fish guts and nothing would happen to you , except that a bunch of stripling from Ireland would give you extra chicken fingers at Kadee ’s ( RIP ) that Nox because they were so impressed by your gall . Now the beach is just fill with scantily clad scientists filming for Shark Week and eating Liam ’s onion rings .
6. The proliferation of locally roasted coffee
You think you ’re better than a with child extra supererogatory from Dunkin ' ? ! ? What the piece of tail is a pour over ? ! ? !
7. College students
College students represent an all - encompass scapegoat for any angriness that use up place in August and September , or whenever you befall to overtake by bar in Allston , Harvard Square , Packard ’s Corner , or Gainsborough St between the hours of 10 pm to 2 am . And if you ’ve ever wanted to see someone in Boston dead lose their mind to the point of hysteria , have them bury that it ’s moving 24-hour interval at the end of August , and accidentally drive down any of the side road off of Comm in Allston . I once see a guy shout out with anger , stuck behind four go trucks . CRYING .
8. The weather
It is gentle to get angry when you realise it ’s too hot and muggy in the summer , the wintertime is an icy hell of Nor’easters that finally plough into sleet , lining our street with heavy cockeyed C. P. Snow and death - teasing black ice , and spring does n’t exist . Fall is lovely though .
9. Traffic on 93
First of all , who are these fucking the great unwashed and what do they do for work that allows them to cause these backups at 2 post-mortem examination on a Tuesday in April ? Did New York hire a bunch of out - of - employment actors to sit in cars along 93 all twenty-four hour period long in a brilliantly execute attempt to sprain us insane ? Did they settle to do construction right now as a sociological test ?
10. Visitors not suitably enthralled by Paul Revere’s house
lionize HIS QUIET MODESTY , DAMMIT !
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