101 Ways You're Doing Houston Wrong

Think you ’ve been living a blissful living in Houston ? belike more like blissfully unaware , because if you ’ve made any of these grave errors , you ’re not doing this beautiful city – or yourself – any justice . Do n’t vex , we ’re not here to judge , just to assist AutoCorrect some of those mistakes so you ’re not doing Houston totally wrong .

1.You put sour ointment on your breakfast taco2.Your umbrella is not in your trunk right now3.You do n’t make semiweekly pilgrimage to Chinatown4.You’re not friends with someone with approach to a pool5.You live in Katy ( sorry , y’ all )

6.You have precisely zero crawfish undress strategy7.You still believe you ’re " going to walk there"8.You’re not drinking Ca phe sua da9 …. or horchata10.You’re not wearing sunscreen right now11.You’re not wear hemipteran spray right now12.You defy to leave the Loop13.You’re taking the pre - June weather for granted14.You did n’t answer for for 610 traffic15.You’re gestate the structure to finish

Houston Texas modern skyline at sunset twilight from park lawn

holbox/Shutterstock (Edited)

16.You’ve never been to Killen ’s Barbecue17.You’ve never been to Killen ’s Steakhouse18.Heck , you ’ve never even been to Pearland

19.You’re eating fried chicken without donuts ( or donuts without fried chicken)20.You’re not bring a packed tank to the Art Car Parade21.You have n’t barhopped business district ( it ’s cool now!)22 …. or been to a Moonlight Dolls show at Prohibition Supperclub & Bar23.You forgot it was Critical Mass , and now you ’re stand by behind 1,000 cyclists24.You parked on the street overnight25.“Turn Around , Do n’t Drown ” is not your go - to motto26.You have n’t been to at least three differentbreweries – scratch that , make it five27.You do n’t know ‘ bout Blanket Bingo at the Square28.You’ve never visit Johnson Space Center29 …. or seen a show in the Theater District30.You’re not sucking the head

31.You still suppose barbeque is about the sauce32.You buy pre - packaged tortillas instead of new made33.You’ve never eat up a Saint Arnold Pub Crawl34.You still wear your Schaub jersey35.You get your lattes at that Seattle import instead of any of these places36.You’ve ordered above medium - rare37.You’re not going to Dynamo games38 …. or to Dash games39.You’re saving all of your money for rent or else of for dinner party at The Pass40.You do n’t have a favorite tequila41 …. nor do you have 9/80s42 . You own more crownwork than bathing suits43.And more boots than flip flops

Man peeling crawfish

Flickr/Tom

44.You cycle to work today without checking the forecast45.You did n’t purchase FPSF tickets pre - sale46.You’re too addicted to Whataburger to try any local spots47.You have n’t shopped at Canino Produce48.You thought install a hot tub was necessary49 . You ’re not road trippin ’ to search the rest of Texas50.You did n’t triple check the street sign before parking51.You have n’t B - pedal and barhopped52 …. or take the air the renovated pathways on the Buffalo Bayou53.You do n’t have your hurricane preparedness kit quick to go54.You’re not friends with at least one barman

55.There is no egg on your enchiladas56.You go to the Kolache Factory alternatively of The Original Kolache Shoppe57.You’re not getting all of your patty from El Bolillo Bakery58.“What ’s turtle rush along ? ” is something you ’ve said59.Urban Harvest Farmers Markets are n’t a part of your weekly repertoire60.You do n’t know about the tunnels61.You do n’t realize thatGalveston is a gem62.You conceive the conditions guy , ever63 . You trust that your motorcycle “ will be fine”64.You took Westheimer65.You do n’t " volunteer " at The Hideout for rodeo

66 . You ’re not trying alllll thenew eatery and bars67.You do n’t know whatSunday Streetsis68.You’re not run short ironical - aged , ivory - in69.You’ve never had meat sweats70 . You do n’t love where Alamo Tamale & Taco is , because you ’ve never been71.You’re not taking advantage of theseFREE museums72.You have no friends that live in River Oaks73.You’re still go to Gaslamp74.You do n’t have a pallid card of podcasts for your sure - to - be - terrible commute75.You’re not frequentingSecond Saturdays at The Silos

Plate of BBQ and mac ‘n cheese at Killen’s BBQ

Kimberley Park/Killen’s BBQ

76.You have n’t hiked Sam Houston National Forest77 …. or Galveston Island State Park78.You’ve show up to a cook - off without an ‘ in ’ for a tent79.You did n’t splurge for give parking at The Galleria80.You forgot immediate payment for the valet81.You’re savingpo - boysfor New Orleans82.You do n’t know how to make a damn left - helping hand turn at a divide ( expect , that ’s all of us)83.Chile gravy is not a even part of your vocabulary84.You move to that pop - up thinking there ’d still be kolaches at noon85.You do n’t happy hourhere86.And you ’ve never evenoyster happy houred

97.You still believe “ good hair days ” are possible98.You lead your laptop in your front seat99.You do n’t change state down for Watt100.You get a check in Midtown ( do you not wish preserve your deferred payment card?)101.You’re not treat it like place

Lee’s Fried Chicken & Donuts

Lee’s Fried Chicken & Donuts

Brooke Viggianois a Houston writer who is a braggy hypocrite because she sometimes puts sour cream on her breakfast tacos even though she ’s not opine to . See what other rules she breaks@BrookeViggiano .

Killen’s BBQ without sauce