One of the few good thing about February is that it ’s only 28 days , except when it ’s not , like this yr and every presidential election year ever since Pope Gregory XIII transfer the voice of the Archangel Michael and fate us all to an redundant 24 hour of hell as punishment for our feeble two - party political organization . demand to supplement the calendar ? Do it in JUNE . There is no God .

This is just one of the crueler aspects of our unforgiving world , but unless you design on making February the month you experiment withbreatharianism , you ’re still depart to have to eat . When you do , see the following foods , which are ripe and ready to be devoured by the heathens .

Kossak kohlrabi

Even if your grammy never render gift because she wastoo busy getting raped by Cossacks , you should still eat Kossak kohlrabi , since it ’s spelled differently . According to seed purveyorPark seeded player , " The frame is ashen on this giant , with a firm grain and stamp succulent relish . Each gigantic bulb makes several meals ! " Giant ! Mammoth ! Firm ! With ! What more do you require ?

You should hack up this balmy , sweeter version of kohlrabi , which tastes kind of like broccoli stalks , and put it on a salad , provided you could image out a agency to address 8 to 10 in of firm , lush shape . Like broccoli , it ’s a brassica , which means it’ssuper healthy .

Blood oranges

Orange : inferior as a color and as a yield . gratefully , God ( remember him / her ? ! ) send blood oranges to make winter worth peg away through . In summation to their aesthetic advantages , their dreary red soma mean they ’ve gotplenty of the antioxidant lycopene , and antioxidant are proficient , QED .

If you need to be told how to eat an orange , come on , get out of here .

Purple top turnips

Like regular onetime turnips , but with purplish tops . No gimmicks here . Turnips are a member of the brassica sept , which we’vecome to know quite wellduring this interminably long wintertime that ’s featured blizzard and temperatures in the 70 Fahrenheit . Soon enough you ’ll be able to grow a tangerine tree justly in your backyard in the dead of December , but until then , try fill in turnips for potatoes in a mash , and you ’ll wind up with a lighter , healthier edition .

Rabbit

They ’re the go - to simile for excessive generative bodily function , so if you eat meat , consider switching out that massive cow for , like , a thousand rabbits ( numbers approximative ) . Seriously , why do n’t we rust more hare ? If you ’re already on board with eat on an animal , it makes no goddamn sense to specify it to moo-cow , sloven , chickens , and a cluster of fish . For the love of the planet , go out and make yourself arabbit cacciatoreand experience the pleasance of consume nonstandard animate being protein – one that ’s pretty skimpy and inoffensive , flavor - wise , to boot .

Covington sweet potatoes

Presumably manufacture by some WASPy New Englander using money from his great - uncle ’s industrial railroad train lube empire , Covington sweet potatoes taste a lot like … sweet potatoes . Anyway , the dominant miscellany in the USis the Beauregard , a name that suggests the dulcet potato industry is actually quite moneymaking and should n’t be tamper with by pesky outsiders like YOU . Stop sniffing around the bowelless world of sweet tater cultivars !

Savory angelical potato fries ! Sometimes I shout things . But when you chop up them up with some onion , that sweet shit a sodding breakfast side dish , and delivers a heaping portion of beta - provitamin A , whichis good .

Savoy cabbage

There ’s a caption that defenders of Geneva in the Middle Ages kept out attacking hordes of Savoy troop by dumping scalding red-hot cabbage soup on their heads , prompting them to rename the variety " Savoy " as a twit that would reverberate through eternity . That bit of story was plucked out of a half - remember enlistment of Geneva , so you may rely that it ’s 100 % accurate .

All sorts of lolly – which , surprisal , is another genus Brassica – are in time of year during the winter , but Savoy is close to a lettuce , grain - wise to , than other varieties , making it more versatile . But do as the Genevese did , and turn it into a soup ; perchance even throw it in a borsch , which is either a fancy word or Ukrainian name for " beet soup . "

Horseradish

How ’s this for thriftiness : corrupt one root , and it ’ll last you a calendar month , depending on how often you make Bloody Marys on distressing Sundays that should be spent spell your novel . invigorated horseradish is a refreshing way to sum that nasally wasabi heat to , say , a warm muddle of beets and whatever other root vegetable you have on hand . Stop the presses : horseradish is ALSO A BRASSICA . There ’s no limit to what those things can do !

White carrots

Only a fool would call them parsnips . surely , you’renot conk to get much of the carotenoidsthat are present in more brilliantly colored carrots , but with a smooth taste , they ’re worth judge out , perhaps laugh at with a honey glaze for an elegant dessert when your unsuspicious friends get along over for dinner party and have to pretend they truly enjoy pretty much anything you serve them . carrot for dessert ? Sure !

Garlic greens

Garlic K arealmost identical to scapes , albeit with a less aphrodisiac name , so no need to go out of your path for the latter if you ’re trying to duplicate that scape butter - crown focaccia crostini your local hipster joint villein . In addition to bring home the bacon a garlicky kick to any pesto you might make ( yeah , yeah , everyone make scape pesto , whatever ) , the Russians think garlic greens would bevaluable to grow in spacethanks to their nutrient density , and if a food is unspoiled enough for a cosmonaut , it ’s bloody sure good enough for you .

Mussels

So cheap , so sustainable , so delicious steam clean in a little white wine , garlic ( greens ? ) , and thyme , and attend to with a side of [ in spades not a basket of ] fries . Mussels bid one of the few deterrent example ofhumans treat the oceans well , so you could eat century of them without feeling any guiltiness , unless " indigestion " counts as guilt feelings .

Nachos and beer

Yes , February has one other redeeming quality : the Super Bowl . That glorious Sunday when you may put your brassica to the side , drown yourself in scraps food for thought and all - American beer that ’s been sell to a foreign corporation , and root for Peyton Manning ’s neck to fall apart on internal telly when he attempts to throw a straits longer than 15 thou . Just a few more weeks until natural spring arrives .

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