The apparatus was simple : pitchKindergarten Cop 2 - - the follow - up to the 1990 clowning starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as an FBI agent late underground as a primary - schooling teacher – toThe Rock , and wait for him to say yes . Since that did n’t pass , Dolph Lundgren is the new successor in this semi - sequel / reboot that no one quite asked for .
Because we ’re trencherman for penalization , we watched thefilm on Netflixand highlighted some laughable moment turn up that this is , in fact , a real movie . These 11 moments are so bad , they ’re in reality awesome .
1. Code word: pineapple
While working undercover in the film ’s opening scene , ill-humored FBI agentive role Reed ( Lundgren ) witness himself seconds away from being kill by some Euro gangsters before they grant him his final words . His response?Pineapple . As Reed steer out , " It ’s a delicious fruit " – and also the codification word for the maraud parliamentary law . One can already envision a scenario of Arnold learn this back at base in a recliner , cigar in mouth and a glass of Scotch in hand , shaking his head .
2. Lawn workout
Dolph lift some weight and practise Krav Maga in his front curtilage . It ’s less of an OMG moment and more of an OMD second ( forgive me ) ; this is actually one of the few thing the movie gets right . If nothing else , it ’s a brief sliver of realism in a film litter with heightened schoolroom hijinks . In the distant time to come , Dolph may rewatch this scene and think to himself , " Whole lotta truth there . " perchance he ’ll check a grinning , too .
3. Stealing fromSeinfeld
After the sting mathematical operation , we jump off ahead one year , where the film is already double up down on its sitcom - level comedy . Agent Reed catch disappointed when the Twix stripe he paid for gets stuck in a vend machine at law headquarters . He then takes out his gun and points it at said machine , exact his " damn Twix barroom . " It ’s a material moment of conflict , but you ’re better off revisiting " The franchise " episode ofSeinfeldfor some gripping candy - prevention drama .
4. Death by chocolate
Though the pic ’s action is inherently lousy , thanks to director and DTV specializer Don Michael Paul ( Jarhead 2,Death Race 4 ) , we get our first peep at how valuable a vending machine can be when Agent Reed uses it as a shield during a firefight and ruin it into some evil assailants . After the battle , that Twix prevention lastly issue from the machine as the despoliation of hallway warfare . monitor : it involve four hoi polloi to write this script .
5. The ultimate MacGuffin
Ivan Reitman ’s master copy is an oasis of originality compared to this lazy reboot , which finds Agent Reed go hole-and-corner so as to locate a ostentation driving force with sore FBI information . The MacGuffin in the original was a young boy , but it seems that casting one more nipper would have broken this film ’s budget . In unforesightful , this is a bad movie about how significant flash drive can be in our day - to - day lifespan . Color me aroused to perform a Google search for " crucial flash driveway movies " in a few years to see if this movie pour down up .
6. Story time
Agent Reed ’s efforts to milk some information from his students are scotch when he must adhere to the on a regular basis schedule story - time portion of the day . He reads the kidsRainbow Birdbefore thrash the book shut out and foreswear its bountiful composition of sharing . This is the closest we come to any kind of characterization for Reed , a straight no - nonsense instructor .
7. Sugar rush
Attempting to the win the minor over on his first Clarence Shepard Day Jr. , Reed treat them all to chocolate - chunk cookie , which ensue in everyone going berserk while a KIDZ BOP - esque edition of " I need Candy " play on the soundtrack . It ’s a recall to the original , and allows the Pisces - out - of - water Reed to enlist the help of a young , attractive distaff co - worker to corral the nipper . A toy dog Charles’s Wain was chock up into Arnold ’s ankle 26 years ago , causing him to fall to the floor in momentary defeat . This time , the struggle is n’t the same .
8. The art of war
When a unsatisfying loss in gaining control the flag renders some of his students sad and broken , Reed assembles some action frame to reenact the infamous Trojan Horse storey . Reed ’s off - kilter programme serves a greater determination later on in the picture show , but in the moment , it ’s just as rousing as anything in Wolfgang Petersen ’s 2004 brand - and - sandal epicTroy .
9. Muscles and line dancing
" Your muscle , they scream one - night stall " is a miraculous line . Reed finally has passion interest Olivia ( Darla Taylor ) back at his trailer ( serious Martin Riggs vibes ) for a amorous night , and just before the ostensive hookup , Reed offer up Olivia a Twix bar ( the third and last Twix sighting ) , prompting her to question his dieting , to which Reed responds , " require me to show you how I abide in chassis ? " We cut to the twain course trip the light fantastic at a country bar and Reed weary a cowboy hat . Cinema embodied .
10. Talking to a pig
In a unadulterated world , Dolph Lundgren interact with a pig deserves its own movie , but woefully , it only gets a arcminute of CRT screen metre here , an offensive and unforgivable act . When making your twelvemonth - ending " best quote " inclination , do n’t forget about , " Hey , come on , pig , I ’m recount you , I do n’t ask therapy . "
11. Take me to the river
The ponytailed villain of the original , Cullen Crisp ( best name ever ? ) , was fritter away and killed by Arnold in somewhat spectacular manner . The brain cartel of this film spy the terminal encounter between Reed and the token bearded baddie in a lake where there are no limbs fall apart or bullets dispersed , but bodies slammed . Yes , Reed consistency slams the baddie and then utters , " Class dismissed . " Fin .
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Kindergarten Cop 2|Universal
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Universal Pictures
Universal Pictures
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