Realistically , Miami is the form of place you move to because you do n’t in reality need to feel guilty about anything . face no further than our fine elect officials for substantiation of that . But once in awhile , we get ourselves doing something so basic , cliché , or painfully South - Floridian that it gets heavily totell us apart from the holidaymaker . And then we might get this strange , unfamiliar , nagging flavour : the guilt . But hey , it ’s Miami . So if it feel in force , do it anyway right ? We thought so . Here are 18 hangdog pleasance that every Miamian enjoy .
1. Running late with absolutely no conscience
Did dinner party begin at 9 ? Of naturally it did . But nobody can expect you to show up without pregaming with at least a yoke drink in your kitchen . Maybe three . Just text them you ’re five minutes away , mention something about traffic , and show up at 10:15 with everyone else .
2. Acting like traffic laws don’t apply to you
Yes , I did just make a right turn from the left-hand lane . Without signaling . At 45 miles an hour . Try and act like the 14 people behind me are n’t doing it too .
3. Posting weather maps of the country when we’re the only place above freezing
Rip Florida all you require . While you ’re sitting inside binging Netflix and invest on 25lbs of wintertime lard , we ’ll be at the beach doing bodily process like playing volleyball game and build sandcastles with moat and stuff .
4. Excessive consumption of cafecitos
Having one to wake up is great . Another one at 3:05 can be fun . The other 11 ? That ’s a borderline amphetamine dependence .
5. Actually using your promoter connections
You ’d never actually PAY to go to LIV , but if you may get in liberal and drink from somebody else ’s feeding bottle , it ’s worth doing , just so you may pass the rest of the year speak about how much you hate going to clubs .
6. Complaining about Art Basel
But then jumping off the lounge the minute somebody texts you they have a +1 to the Ocean Dr party .
7. Going out on a friend of a friend of a friend’s boat
Oh , now you wanna hang out , Krystal ? Now that I ’m a yachtswoman ? !
8. Dropping F-list, reality show “celebrity” names
So Lisa Vanderpump was next to you on the elliptic at Equinox ? Neato .
9. Having a “Causeway song”
You know you queue it up as before long as you make the crook off I-95 . That jam where you put the windows down and blast it as loud as you’re able to while youdrive across the MacArthuror Julia Tuttle and think of why Miami is such a beautiful space to live . The song should have the give-and-take “ Miami ” somewhere in the claim , or be by Phil Collins .
10. Saying “I’m from Miami” when you travel
If they respond with anything forgetful of staring jealousy you get in person appal .
11. Going for drinks on Ocean Dr
To maintain your street credibility as a local , you ’re want to say something along the lines of “ Ugh , THERE ? ” when your sidekick from out of township text you at 2 post-mortem examination on a Thursday to come day wassail with them at the Clevelander . But there ’s a part of you that knows it ’s going to be a mini - vacation and probably your good day of the hebdomad .
12. Seriously considering plastic surgery
All your brochures for fatty freeze and calf implant are shroud , deeply in a safe .
13. Eating artery-stopping Cuban food. For breakfast.
scientific discipline has shown that coating your abdomen with a healthy stratum of lard first matter in the morning can help keep … OK , dead nothing . STOP JUDGING ME .
14. Bath salts
What ? They make the piss feel nice .
15. Pizza Rustica
No , it ’s not thebest pizza pie on the Beach . And yes , you may spot an unwished cockroach bunk by . But does anything taste better when you ’re walking out of a club at 4 am ? No . No it does not .
16. Emphasizing “305” whenever you give your phone number to a customer-service rep
That ’s correct , just like Pitbull . Because you intimately consider nobody at that call center has ever hear of “ Mr. 786 . ”
17. Jumping on a team’s bandwagon
You probably still do n’t fuck the departure between the profane seam and the Blue Angels , and may have asked if Jaromír Jágr was related to that guy in the Rolling Stones . But that did n’t stop you from taking sixth - row selfies at that sold - out Panthers playoff game .
18. Telling out-of-towners you don’t have any club hookups
peculiarly if you do .
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