ACCEPT THAT WE SPEAK LOTS OF LANGUAGES
This is Miami . It ’s the place that bred both Pitbull and Rick Ross , and also where Jeb Bush and a Trump hotel call home . We have a big population of the great unwashed who speak Spanish , and if you go to the beach , you ’ll even find wad of Europeans who deal their low temperature for our sun , apparently to be one of those people who beset you to eat at Ocean Drive restaurant . Our languages are so confusing that we even make up our own , Spanglish , but if you ’re not from here , you ’ll definitely no comprendas . It goes without saying that ( like any new place you locomote ) , when you do n’t speak the language , you ask to be respectful and work with the locals until you get by ; but for Miami specifically , here are a duet bakshish to stave off appall anyone in the cognitive process .
take how to order your Cuban deep brown in Spanish , or no Cuban coffee for you!A cafecito is potent Cuban coffee that comes in a livid charge plate cup the size of it of a thimble . Cortadito is that , plus a few tablespoons of milk and lolly . If you go to a ventanita ( a Cuban java windowpane ) and ask for “ coffee , ” you will get the first of the two , and rejection of such will cause the impertinent Cuban barista to give you a look that can only connote you ’ve disrespected her ancestors . “ Regular ” chocolate is Café Americano , and if you desire it with Milk River , you throw in a “ con leche . ” NOT lychee , the fruit we arise in Homestead , but leche : “ leh - chay . ”
When striking a conversation with someone , assume nothing about what speech they speakEven the snowy citizenry in Miami come out of the womb speaking Spanglish . In fact , when you go to a computer storage or eatery , there ’s no telling if a person will set out speaking to you in English , Spanish or both . Even most of us who do n’t address Spanish can understand it , and the same goes for those who talk Spanish , but do n’t verbalise English . Go to a deli on Miami Beach , where menus are in Hebrew , and groom to be further confused .
Lindsay Mound/Thrillist
DRESS TO IMPRESS (MOSTLY)
Fashion in Miami is a eldritch world . On South Beach , it ’s all about who and what you ’re fag out , but on the mainland , wear the real locals hold up , we know that reliable Magic City style have in mind there will always be someone dressed worse than you . Despite our loose , yet judgmental frock codification , however , we still have some ecumenical rules we all embrace and follow .
Unless there is Baroness Dudevant under your foot , there is no apology to be “ pata sucia . ”We do n’t care what you see in Kendall or at neighborhood pig roasts ; walking barefooted in public situations is not ok . I entail , yes , we all have those nights ( and despite what hoi polloi enjoin you , we ’ve ALL done it ) , but we shrink when we think of them and we judge ourselves . And we ’ll judge you .
you could never be too get up for Hyde Saturdays . You want to go to a pool party ? Nay … the hot puddle company in Miami ? Cool , just grab your diamond monokini , 18 - carat gold Ray - Bans , and the Gucci espadrilles . Wait , no , the Rebecca Minkoffs – let ’s keep it insouciant .
Lindsay Mound/Thrillist
White is acceptable all yr round . We do n’t roll in the hay what it means to have a disconsolate winter day , so we playact like it ’s summer all year around . blanched blazer , snowy dresses , livid shoes , the works . When you postulate someone on South Beach about the “ no white after Labor Day rule , ” they cringe a petty . Plus , it ’s hot as balls here , so wearing white is both fashionable and a natural selection dick .
Wear your highest high cad to both the club and your first day of class at MDC.We’re all about trope here , so it ’s significant to be classy – er , sexy at all time . outwear your best high cad to a nighttime out at LIV is pretty much an unwritten rule , and if you happen to wear thin those same cad to class the next daybreak and even Publix afterwards , you ’ll fit in with all the hoi polloi in monokinis who just amount from Hyde Beach . Basically , stripper heels are welcome in all situation , and every Miami female child have a pair or five .
BEWARE OF THE CLOCK
Did we remark we run on our own clock time here ? We call it “ Miami ” time , and it ’s usually 45 minutes later than whatever time we told you we would get there . The only mass who get unbalanced about it are the great unwashed who are not from here , and they ’re new here , so what do they fuck ? !
Never be on fourth dimension to a party , particularly at someone ’s sign of the zodiac . It ’s actually annoying to be right on fourth dimension here , and straight up RUDE to be early . We all operate on Miami fourth dimension , so if you ’re other , your server is n’t ready for you yet , and if you ’re on time … your host is n’t ready for you yet . We ’re not say be a jerky and have no regard for time at all , we ’re just state do n’t mess up the arrangement . Sometimes being a footling late is just “ being considerate , ” JEEZ .
If you ’re running recently to a work meeting , send a message . There ’s a 99.9 % chance that neither you or the person you ’re fill will be on prison term for a concern lunch . Or a meeting . Or drinks . Or living in general . That enunciate , it ’s still work , so you should always at leastpretendthis is n’t the case and call or post an Es - mail to let them recognize you ’re on your way .
Lindsay Mound/Thrillist
BE READY FOR A KISS ON THE CHEEK, ALWAYS
No , we ’re not in beloved with you . It ’s just how we say “ hello . ” We hug and we kiss you on the brass , and it ’s completely platonic . Do n’t make it weird .
WE HAVE OUR OWN DRIVING RULES
People say we are n’t good driver , which is credibly rightful , but they also just do n’t understand our drive rules here . Like rule # 1 , “ We do what we desire , ” which is intimately followed by all of these :
Do n’t habituate a blinker , it ’s a sign of weakness . In the odd lane and need to take the next exit on the right hand ? Just go for it . The other ten cars will move .
take how to duplicate park . ESPECIALLY if you plan on die to the beach . There are garages , yes , but street parking is the cheap option . When you find an open spot , you ’ll need to have the skills to parallel common quickly , or the SUV in the odd lane will ninja - cross four lanes over to get it before you do .
Pedestrians are the Miami Driver ’s nemesis . We believe in both felicitous pedestrian and happy drivers , and we get the latter of the two by keeping dealings move . That said , we wo n’t hit pedestrians of course , but we do make a scene if they seek to go against the system . It ’s also significant to note here that Miami footer are n’t like New Yorkers , so they do n’t just scotch the street as tight as they can . They will stop to determine their clothes , catch Pokémon , or habituate their “ chance amble ” across a Biscayne Boulevard walkway to recount you all about their latest Tinder nightmare , and sometimes they do it all when it ’s not even their turn . Miami pedestrian are literally the bad breed of pedestrians .
In South Beach , tow away zone are just that : tow forth zones . MDPD party whip out its parking ticket tablet tight , especially in in high spirits tourist areas like South Beach . Want Starbucks ? Do n’t get into you may park in that fire lane “ for five minutes ” and you wo n’t get towed . Also , one thing we hate more than tickets is getting stuck behind towage truck , sooo really , just follow the rules and do n’t be that bozo .
Driving the speed terminal point means you ’re going too slow . Seriously , just because we ’re late to everything does n’t mean we like to move behind . We just do n’t give a somerset in general , which will also apply to passing you and then cutting you off out of spite when you drive too slow in front of us . We go whatever speed we want in both the left and right-hand lanes , and we realise this is likely faster than you . Do n’t get mad ( or green-eyed ) – it ’s force , not personal .
KNOW WHEN IT’S APPROPRIATE TO WORK THE SYSTEM
For the most part , anything goes here . But we also still have bull , and you have sex , jurisprudence .
OUR BEACH, OUR RULES
We bang a good beach just as much as the next Floridian , but since everyone actually wants to be at ours , it might as well be a whole other cosmos . have a go at it what to expect and where to go , and mind of our strong contingent of old guys in neon banana tree hammock , and you should be fine .
Do n’t go to the beach at Ocean and 7th to " relax"This is where the holidaymaker go . It ’s not meant for purdah , it ’s meant for flirting with bachelor party , beach games , drink at Wet Willies , and bathing causa with questionable amounts of coverage . All the topical anaesthetic know that anywhere between 21st and Collins and South of Fifth is for out - of - townsman andJersey Shorecast members only .
Boxed wine is always a adept ideaTechnically , you ’re not supposed to have alcohol or glass bottles on the beach , but also technically , you ’re supposed to stay hydrated when in the Sunday for prolonged periods of time . Knowing this , we tend to ignore the first rule . But ! To fit the red-hot lifeguard halfway , we like to go old schooltime with Franzia . sure as shooting , first multitude will judge you , but then … they ’ll conjoin you .
