I ’ve lived in New York for like a month now so I know pretty much everything there is to know about the city . Here ’s what literally no one recite me about the Das Kapital of America .
If you sop up a line up and down you’re able to figure out the metropolis pretty well .
Uptown .
IM_photo/Shutterstock
Midtown .
business district .
Abbey .
Songquan Deng / Shutterstock.com
Central Park is small , relatively .
All the neighborhoods are acronym ground on Rob Reiner movies .
The city really has a span shout Dumbo where the picture show was filmed , which is cunning if you think about how New York is the metropolis where pipe dream fly and Hope die .
Another neighborhood is call SoHo , which bear for South of The Hamptons , and extends to D.C. , which is easier to get to than some boroughs .
There ’s a region called Brooklyn across the river where all your friends live .
For the life of me I ca n’t witness a single web log detail the intricacy of Brooklyn know .
unfeigned story : I once got unlade in Brooklyn after take the incorrect train and ended up experience a slash of pizza .
To see when the next string is come lean over the edge and stare down the huge tunnel into the vacuum beyond and mind contemplate everything that has brought you to this moment in your living . When did everything go so wrong ? Stop , the power train has arrived .
There is an IRL show called based off your friend ’s Spotify play list , but you will never get ticket .
Every exclusive person has a dog . Five million the great unwashed living in New York and five million dogs . Do the math .
I pet random people ’s click all the time like New York City is a free petting zoological garden or something .
There are a lot of small moments like that which will live on after you .
There are a lot of humans .
There are a bunch of cars .
You will never get together a single person who own a car .
Interestingly , New York is not the City of Lights , but there are a batch of brightness .
No one has asked me yet how much it would be to wash every windowpane in the city , but I know the answer . I ’m quick Google recruiting .
PBR is the same terms you give anywhere in the commonwealth .
There are these shops called bodega on every street corner that are capable 24 hours a day like it ’s Vegas or something .
There ’s a Taco Bell in Penn Station if you need some solid food . A few stop up there ’s like an outside mall forebode New York Times Square that has the same eatery you would see in an Indiana food motor lodge .
If this is a Kitchen in Hell , sign me up .
There are no superheroes .
There are celebrities everywhere . I realize Trump on a building . I call back Zach Woods ate brunch near me once . He was magniloquent and seemed kind .
Aziz Ansari wrote a show that takes place in New York .
All your champion have more important things to do than hang out with you .
Everyone in New York is gracious .
If you think New Yorkers are mean , maybe you should do a thick dive pizza pie into your own life . Are 20 million people incorrect , or are you ?
Maybe you should wait for people to get off the string before you board , Carl .
Carl .
Why did you just blockade at the top of the moving stairway ? What are you doing , Carl ?
Move .
search where you ’re going CARL
CARL
CAAAAARRRRRLLLLLLL .
Correction : I’ve been informed by a soul that it is n’t possible to know everything about New York City given my timeframe here of one month .
chastisement : manifestly there is not a individual neighbourhood in New York named after a Rob Reiner film . neighborhood are mostly named found off literal estate enterprise to inflate interest in an area by sacrifice it a kitschy name .
Correction : Dumbo is not the name of a bridge , nor was the revive Disney cinema shot on a bridge . The name of the span is The Manhattan Bridge and the picture below this is the Brooklyn Bridge . DUMBO is the name of a locality where a bunch of purpose firms reside . It stand for Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass .
discipline : SoHo apparently has nothing to do with Long Island ’s seaboard communities , but instead stands for South of Houston ( sound out like the Texas City ) , which is a street that has just bagels . Also , SoHo does not extend to DC . It ’s just like a few blocks with a bunch of section stores .
Correction : Houston is not pronounce like the Texas City . It ’s judge how - sten .
chastening : Not everyone ’s friends endure in Brooklyn .
Correction : At least one individual has seenHamilton .
fudge factor : Some people do n’t have a dog , but I think the math is still accurate because some people have two dog-iron .
Correction : The math is not exact . There are plainly something like 8.4 million citizenry who live in New York City , not 5 million , and only 600,000 dogs .
Correction : Carl is n’t real .
fudge factor : It turns out several people are advert Carl .
This report earlier appeared on Medium .
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