As the current election cycle in all its exquisite perverseness has thus far illustrate , disillusionment with the political operation can manifest itself in unexpected way , ranging from the outlandish ( large swath of people endorse an abrasive , rug - manoeuvre swede ’s dictation for the GOP nomination ) to the downright terrifying ( the very real candidate of order Charmin - coiffed mangelwurzel being elected President ) .
Throughout our nation ’s account , citizenry have air their political frustrations through protestation , riot , boycotting election altogether and , in recent year , taking it out on everyone you know on societal medium . ( I get it , Aunt Betty . Hillary Clinton is a automaton Nazi lizard sent from the future to suck out the soulfulness of every dwell being . Now enough already with the Benghazi memes . Is n’t there a Planned Parenthood Twitter chronicle you could troll ? )
Back before societal mediaruined humanitysaved us all , those who did n’t need to riot or boycott engaged in the time - observe tradition of casting a suffrage for someone whose name does not even appear on the official vote . And while no write - in candidate has ever been a serious divisor in a presidential election , that does n’t signify they are n’t entertaining on a sociological level .
For instance , in 1972 , face with pick out between incumbent president and shaver - eating hobgoblin Richard Nixon and the far - too - much - sense - making Democratic challenger George McGovern , over 9,000 voter put playpen to ballot representing for an regalia of alternate chief executives , including Jerry Garcia , Mickey Mantle and illustrious boob tube canid Lassie .
But none of those upstanding mammals stomach a opportunity in the nihilistic horse subspecies of the 1972 write - in bowler . In fact , it ’s evident that the burden of choose the drawing card of the gratis world drove many Americans to salute . How do we know this ? Because the leading write - in vote - getter turned out to be the ultimate outsider — outside the realm of livelihood , external respiration creatures . The most vulgar choice of the the great unwashed who chose not to have a option was one Harvey Wallbanger .
For those not currently living in 1972 , Harvey Wallbanger is not a someone . It is a cocktail made with vodka , orangeness juice and Galliano ( the canary - colored stuff in the tall close bottle that sits behind every bar but assure about as much action as Neil Patrick Harris at the Miss America Pageant ) . The Wallbanger was make up in the 1960s by a booze importer desperate to unload a surplus of this weird vanilla extract liqueur no one wanted . He enshroud it where no one would notice : in a screwdriver . An early ad campaign by the McKesson Imports Company targeted young breakers enthusiasts with the tagline “ Harvey Wallbanger is the name . And I can be made . ” It made no sense , but surfer were either too stoned to notice or just stoned enough to really get it , serviceman . And for a red-hot minute , in the hot summer of ‘ 72 , the boozing was a cool down balm to the sizzle of political intrigue and flaring tempers .
Harvey Wallbanger ’s appeal to the joint - toking , “ Take It Easy”-listening , not - adoring - of - war - and/or - shower demographic was undeniable , but it raise no match for Tricky Dick . Still , if you think getting crush in ‘ 72 put an close to Harvey ’s political inspiration , you are n’t thinking like a trade name marketing team .
In an effort to feed off the mamilla of the slow - movement train crash that is the U.S. electoral process , the family line at Galliano are attempt to revive their lost libation by launch the “ Vote 4 Wallbanger ” campaign . You might point out that a quixotic run for the White House by a foreign facsimile of a person is ridiculous , but Mitt Romney would tap to dissent . Still , we have a smell that Wallbanger ’s 2016 bid , which promises to “ Make America Chill Again , ” is a stone inhuman loser . For grounds , attend no further than this …
In the pastime of full disclosure , I live in LA , where you accumulate out of workplace doer friends like Dick Cheney ’s basement accumulates the skulls of young child . Two of these actor friends — Dave and Aidan — have portion in the above telecasting . Hey , they needed the workplace , they take away it and their rent got devote . That part I care .
However , the fact that my classically trained thespian friends had to repair to doing a rotten Harvey Wallbanger revitalisation spot is a reminder that advertising is , as the previous Bill Hicks put it , “ the undoer of all things good , ” including Dave and Aidan ’s poor souls .
The Harvey Wallbanger is a singularly obnoxious potable . It is to cocktail culture what the selfie is to factual finish — a vapid entertainment that would have cease being a thing a tenacious time ago if we as a fellowship were n’t so willing to celebrate the banal at the expense of the consequential .
Rather than face up the awful realism of , say , Donald Trump and the disconsolate yearning that have wet-nurse his toxic candidacy , it seems most people would rather stare at themselves wee duck face into their smartphones over and over and over again . This is the same # vileshallowness and # blitheapathy that is the lifeblood of crap like the “ Make America Chill Again ” run , with its breezy embrace of the DGAF ethos at a time when such apathy could get us all kill , or at the very least , into a snap war with whomever President Cheeto decides has slight him this calendar week .
So a fascist demagog with a Snapchat - short fuzee has a legit shot at require the nuclear code . What ? Me ? Worry ? Galliano sure is n’t sweating it . Nor is the anthropomorphous cocktail they ’re hawking .
The “ Vote 4 Wallbanger ” site celebrates the candidate ’s notion that “ it ’s every American ’s right not to be bummed out , and that ’s something he will campaign for once he is the commanding officer in chief . To wake up in Harvey ’s America is to wake up … and then hit the snooze button and go back to sleep for a few more hour . That ’s the America Harvey believes in . ”
That blasé attitude worked to Nixon ’s vantage in ‘ 72 . And I ’m sure Trump is counting on there being enough slumbering slugs out there who ’ll keep strike the snooze button until they awaken up one mean solar day to discover their neighbors being polish up and toss over a elephantine paries .
Look , I know some of you are believably believe , “ Lighten up man . It ’s just a stunned cyberspace ad drive for a cheesy cocktail . ” You ’re right . And Henry Kissinger was just an accounting major who won a Nobel peace treaty prize and said cute stuff and nonsense like , “ Power is the great aphrodisiac , ” and , “ The illegal we do immediately , the unconstitutional takes a small longer . ”
So I ’ll be skillful and goddamned if I vote for Harvey Wallbanger . Because if we ’re going to elect a cocktail to the presidentship , we should at least ensure it ’s a good one . Naturally , I ’ve been over and over this , and I call back I have a candidate . Old - Fashioned is too stuffy . Martini is in bed with Wall Street . Manhattan practically screams top one percentage . No one takes Pina Colada seriously . Zombie just scare people .
To me , there ’s only one selection : Rusty Got - damn Nail . Nowthere’sa cocktail that does n’t meet fools . One that make you take stock of yourself and cue us that greatness does n’t add up without sacrifice . Because let ’s confront it : Beyond a sense of civil duty , there ’s really no reason to ever go near Drambuie .
“ But look ! ” I learn you screaming , “ Rusty Nail was n’t born in the good ole U.S. of A. ! ” In response , I ’ll remind you that that small triviality did n’t stop Barack Hussein Hitler Obama . ( Much to the chagrin of my Aunt Betty and her protagonist the mangelwurzel ) .
We ’ve got a few months to go here , people . There ’s still time for the Dump Wallbanger movement to take custody . The guy ’s done enough wrong . Hell , if I had my direction , we ’d just toss Rusty and Harvey into Thunderdome and stream the whole thing on pay - per - view for $ 100 a pa . Debt job solved . Because , no matter what materialise , it ’s looking like we ’re all go to have a katzenjammer on Nov. 2 . We may as well have a little fun along the agency .
