receive back toOff the Menu , where we convey you the best and strangest restaurant stories from my email inbox . This week , we ’ve got happy tales of truly great customers that show that maybe , just maybe , humans will make it as a species . As always , these are veridical emails from real readers , though names have been changed .
We’ll call her “Dawn”
" My first - ever job was solve as a curb record hop at a Southern BBQ restaurant in Eastern North Carolina . The business fend on the side of a long reaching of state highway that led to a popular lake hangout . The customers pulled up and parked in front of the construction , and the check hops went out and take their order and bring back the food on tray that hang on the car room access window . As I recall , I made $ 2 an hour plus tips .
" One of our steady customers , at least a couple times a week , was a young woman who drove a beat - up erstwhile Lincoln Town Car . We ’ll call her ‘ Dawn . ’ I was informed by my co - workers that Dawn was a prostitute . She was always in the company of one of a rotating cast of middle - aged or sr. men who sit in the rider seat and never say a word . Dawn always did the ordination and all the talking . Most of the men were , to my atomic number 27 - worker ' revulsion , African - American , and some of the other curb bit hop always keep off hold to serve her , and I wound up doing it most of the time .
" The routine fit like this : Dawn would place a pocket-size order , usually just a elementary BBQ sandwich and a bombastic iced tea for the two of them . Then as soon as I occupy the guild and turned around to take it at heart , Dawn and her associate would get out of the railroad car and take the air around to the back of the building . What happened there , I do n’t have it away . There was a storage building back there , but it was always locked . Maybe she had an ongoing arrangement with the owners , who know . Anyway , usually by the time I get back with the tray and the food , the two of them would be aim back into the car . The man would pay up me , tip me generously , and Dawn would say something nice and thank me .
JASON HOFFMAN/Thrillist
" I was 15 days old and , quite literally a church consort boy , so someone like Dawn kind of terrorise me . Dawn seemingly picked up on this , and after the 2d or third time , she became really very decent and kind to me . Not in a creepy way , but in a way that just put me more at informality . She would say to her male associate , ‘ I like this fellow , make trusted you tip him good ’ and sometimes I would get a tip that was two or three times as much as the actual fiat had monetary value . I startle to really wish Dawn and see her differently . peradventure she was just making the full of a really crappy situation . good this than to be knocked up and married to some dumbass North Carolina redneck .
In front of the other customers and everyone in earshot , he pushed me towards her .
" My boss , Charlie , was , of course , a dumbass NC cracker . ( Charlie was his veridical name . Screw you , Charlie . ) Because I was a unruffled , diffident , nerdy , tightfitting kidskin , he reasoned that I must be ‘ some kind of little f*ggot . ’ He suggested , several times , loudly and in front of my co - prole , that peradventure I should ‘ ask my buddy Dawn ’ to pop the question her service to me so that she could ‘ clean up me out . ’ He specially liked to bring this up when I was doing some really chintzy job , like scraping some gunky horseshit off of the kitchen floor on my hands and knees .
" One busy Sunday afternoon , I made a stunned mistake on an order and Charlie get ridiculously furious about it . He was driven to make me suffer for it . Then Dawn showed up , and as I went out to get her ordering , Charlie followed behind me . In front of the other customers and everyone in earshot , he pushed me towards her and shouted , ‘ Why don’tchu put yer clitoris on this ' un and show him what that thang is for why doncha ? ’ and with a big hee - haw laugh , slapped me on the back and stroll back in spite of appearance . Dawn did n’t respond to Charlie , she just stared at him , and , without give way her regard , said to me , ‘ Do n’t you interest about old Charlie , honey . His sorry slight peanut dick ai n’t been hard in years . ’
" I quit the problem when the next shoal twelvemonth go . I do n’t recognise what happen to Dawn , but I hope she made a openhanded pile of money and got the hell out of town . " –Larry Winters
The benefits of an irresponsible manager
" My first - ever occupation was at a modest measure and restaurant at the local marina . The adult female who ran the place was reek rich and worked there as more of a rocking horse , so she was n’t always very concerned about how the place was doing .
" One day , it was just her and I working the lunch shifting , and the place was jolly busy . The restaurant had a duo patio , and I saw my manager lead a duet guys through the restaurant to be seated on the back patio . She told me she ’d take their drink orders in a mo , so I continued assume caution of customers , which at that point intend I was seat people , taking orders , develop drinks , cooking the food , serving the food , knell up customer , and bus tables . My manager , meanwhile , had sat down to have a beer with some of her friends .
" The restaurant had quiet down at that point , so I was able to consecrate a in effect amount of time to these guys . I apologized about the postponement , took their orders , and get them their food , and they were very cultured to me , although I did note them glancing sideways at my manager from prison term to time . I get them their bill , and after a minute , the one guy wire wave me over . He softly need me if I shared tips with the fair sex who first seated them . I said no , she was my manager . He then handed me a $ 20 , saying , ‘ This is for the repast . ’ He then said , ‘ And this is for you ’ and handed me a $ 50 . I looked at him . I await at the $ 50 . I did n’t know what to say . The guy just smiled and tell me to ensure I put that correctly in my wallet , and that I was an excellent server . Then they left .
JASON HOFFMAN/Thrillist
" For once , I was beaming I had an irresponsible handler . " –Andrea Parker
I snapped like cheap spandex
" I ’m a server at an extremely large venue , and I influence seasonally . It holds up to 600 mass . We do everything from weddings and proms to regular dinners and brunches . dinner are unremarkably 150 - 200 the great unwashed , look on the calendar month . I have to mention that we broadly service counter - flair and I do n’t make minimum wage , and cash tips are like finding gold doubloons on a crowded public beach . We earn every penny by run food up multiple floors and osculate every mesa together because we do n’t have rig sections .
" That night I was in the 2d end of a particularly hellish two-base hit . My boss was in a mood that can only be described as ‘ player playing Satan , working method acting - style . ’ He had us running in 18 different commission because it was one of those night where it was decide that our beautifully run employee locomotive require a 5 pound bag of sugar in the gasolene tank . Nothing we did was right , everything needed change on the tent-fly .
" I was seating the various parties that had book for dinner party , when I greeted a group of 12 women that insisted quite vociferously that they take to be seated at the same eight - top board . OK , that ’s fine , wholly understandable . We did n’t have larger table on that storey , and we were packed and had no other choice to move them . I rearrange chairs , added property preferences , folded more nappy , and apologized for them not being informed about the mesa sizes prior to booking .
" Meanwhile , our knob was still conduct as though his underwear was too low and on backward . He decided that I alone should prep the dessert table . On another story . I was edit out 20 cake while he raged that it should have been done already ( we ’d already set the common amount out ) . I was run cakes up the stairs , sudate profusely , makeup run into my eyes , feel like Sisyphus with his bowlder . I almost fumbled a chocolate bar , and because the dessert table was at once next to that 12 - top of women , they saw it all . My professional wall cracked . I snapped like tatty spandex stretched over an elephant ’s posterior . I started to cry .
" One of those women got right up and handed me a nappy . She say they could tell I was having a hard night . I apologized , because flipping out should n’t be consider by client . She said it was OK , and it felt like there was light at the end of the burrow that maybe was n’t an oncoming gearing .
" Once things slowed down , I got the hazard to halt to talk to them . deform out they were a dinner nightclub that pick a new place to test every calendar month and that they ’d hear of us . They said the best things about our solid food , the service , and me , and by the closing of dinner , I avow I love them all like family . Despite tip being included in the dinner cost , one of them handed me a low Au gift box and said it was from them . It was almost $ 30 and chocolates . I split up the tip with the other waiter and to this day those 12 char remain some of my all - meter favourite . " –Mary Etheridge
Gotta love a healthy tipper
" I worked at a relatively small local chain . I was work out one of our normal doubles on a Thursday . I was told by the hostess that I had a two - top on the patio , so I go out and recognize the untried duo . Before they even order a deglutition , they say , ‘ We are a very difficult mesa and very demanding . We just require to let you know that in advance . ’
" hunky-dory , certain . I go put their orders in for wine and toddle back to drop off their drinks . When I get back to the table , they say , ‘ Since we ’re so hard to deal with , we always pre - tip , so you ’ll get along back . ’ They then proceed to turn over me a $ 20 banker’s bill . I am on board with this . They get an appetizer , and when I bring it back , they ordain another round of wine and pre - tip me again , $ 10 this time .
" After this , I am the Genie from Aladdin . Poof , what do you necessitate . Poof , what do you demand . I am all over that mesa .
" All in all , they pre - tipped me $ 50 and their bill came to just around $ 45 – they tipped a healthy 30 % on top of that . The kicker of the whole spot is that at no full point were they anything like they described . They were very nice and courteous throughout everything ; just a total pleasure to deal with . " –Alan Lake
You can’t judge a book by… how many cookie sundaes it eats
" I worked at the ESPN Zone for almost four yr . One night , this table of four characterless white Guy sits in my section . I give the compulsory spiel , they are NOT interested in small talk or even making eye tangency . They rattle off their entire social club at the very beginning ( including dessert , which is queer ) . For a table of four they order :
" They order this while just glancing my means . I made a polite commentary about how much nutrient they were put , and were they certain about that ? They basically allege yes , bring in it out as quick as possible , in whatever order it ’s quick . OK , I localise the purchase order and stand back to catch the massacre .
" They shoot down through all this food like Cookie Monster gobbling cookies ; I ’ve never image anything like it . They are n’t The Rock - sized , or even overweight – they ’re just normal , mediocre - sized dudes . I ’m actually turn one’s stomach by the eternal shoving of meat into their maws , chugging of beer , and belching . They show no interest in talking to me in any capacity , so I do n’t say a Word of God , and just keep plop dish after stunner in front of their faces to be evacuated . They feed EVERYTHING . No magnification , it was probably 15,000 calories apiece .
" At the end of their meal ( which , no Trygve Halvden Lie , was only 45 minutes later ) they demand for the hindrance , which is about $ 100 / somebody . Usually tables that place stick orders like this are either high - drama or hint 5 - 10 % . These guys , though , each peel off enough immediate payment for their bill and then tip $ 40 each . I made $ 160 for barely acknowledging a tabular array and taciturnly judge them for their uttermost gluttony .
" Happy ending , I guess ? " –Mara Gonzalez
Did you mean to leave me this much?
" I ’m not sure if this counts as a restaurant client being the best , or just weird . I wait tables shortly at a buffet car across the street from a big country college . It was one of those ‘ breakfast all the time’-type places .
" One of the regulars was this unearthly dude in his 20s , who ’d apparently been going there for years . He ’d come in alone every Saturday night , looking hungover as hell , tell some regrettable breakfast or other ( he was a adult lover of our chicken - fried steak and testicle ) , and sit down in a recession stall for maybe 45 minutes to an hour , drink coffee , listening to headphones , and translate something on his laptop . I got a look over his shoulder once , and it looked like a D&D rulebook , but when I try on to talk to him about it , he seemed basically uncomfortable , so I dropped it . ordinarily , someone drive that long at a table would have been annoying ( people usually take around 20 proceedings ) , but we were basically empty on Saturday nights , so we digest it . Also , he was an excellent tipper , usually 50 % or so ( not that telling when the checks averaged $ 10 , but still , better than most of our customers ) , so again , have him ingroup was n’t too terrible .
He looks at me with this weird , ail aspect on his nerve .
“ One year , on the day before Christmas Eve , he comes in , looking less awfully hungover than usual . Another regular , a drunk cleaning lady who kept coming in and trying to scam us into giving her liberal food with mother fucker storey , follows him in . She take the air up to our manager and starts in on a tenacious write up about how she ’s stranded and desperately demand some bread or French fries to keep her going . Our manager , who is very civilized but has heard it all before , just stands there nodding , while quietly gesture for me to add up over . The quiet swell is sitting next to her , and dead interrupts , " Hey , why do n’t you give her a composition of Proto-Indo European and put it on my pill ? " Weirdly , the woman start plain about how she does n’t require pie , she needs bread ( rummy are weird ) . at any rate , our managing director , who did n’t want a inebriated woman hanging around , just shakes his head teacher . So , drunk lady does n’t get her Proto-Indo European , and I ’m slimly worried about my tip , since customers get weird when you say no to them .
“ fellow orders corned beef hash , eats it , drinks his coffee , and have ready to go . He grabs his receipt , heads to the counterpunch , hand me his wag , sign up the receipt , and begin to take the air out . I look at the signed slickness . He ’d impart me a $ 40 confidential information . On a $ 10 bill . I call out to him and go , ‘ Hey , did you mean to pull up stakes me this much ? ’ He look at me with this eldritch , ail expression on his face , like he thinks I ’m somewhat rude for asking . ‘ Yeah . Merry Christmas . Or whatever . ’ I start to thank him , but he looks so uncomfortable talking to me that I cease and he walk out . He maintain coming back , but I never cite it to him again . ” –Lon Amerson
How one incident can impact a server’s life
" After a late Nox of post - conference partying in San Francisco , a few friend and I prove up for breakfast , two minutes after opening , at a touristy trivial Fisherman ’s Wharf juncture for some pre - flight breakfast burritos . Our server was a adorable young fair sex who seemed a bit frazzled , but that ’s probably because we rolled up before they even had all the condiments out on the tables .
" About five minutes after , the unimaginative jumpy businesswoman – snappy designer bird suit , in high spirits heel with the redness on the bottom , haircloth pull back so tight it had to have hurt – came in and got seat at a nearby mesa . She ordered a deep brown and a water , politely , but in that aloof Sex in the City tone , and a quiche . She then go on to draw from her mammoth ( probably graphic designer ) purse an iPad , iPhone , a Blackberry , and several sound pads , and spread them across the table like it was her personal business office . This looked absurd , because , again , it was a tourist marijuana cigarette on the Wharf at 8 am , but whatever .
" We got our food and labor in . At some compass point , business lady must have grow her coffee tree and H2O , because about 10 minute later , our server came out with the lady ’s quiche in one hand and a ewer of piss in the other . you may in all likelihood see where this is go … a slight miscalculation of balance as she tried to figure out where to put anything on this makeshift ‘ desk , ’ and the pitcher of water and the home base ended up crashing onto the table , all over Ms. Businesswoman ’s electronics , written document , and dame .
" My friends and I watch in abject horror , waiting for this restive woman to pull our host a novel one . She must have think it was coming too , because she now protrude excuse and grabbed a whole curl of paper towel to endeavor to rescue the various expensive devices . I can just think the hapless girl was calculating the total of all these things in her head teacher .
" Then something amazing happened . Business Lady started laugh and picking up her iThings with just a occasional glimpse at each one before tossing them back in her pocketbook . She seemed far more interested about our server , who was almost in tears , and kept reassuring her it was OK , because ‘ I should n’t have had them all out on the table in the first station . ’
" After voluminous apology passed between them , our server recovered and brought out another quiche and a weewee , getting another thanks from the lady , as well as both soaked legal inking pad to ‘ throw away , please . ’ We wrapped up our baulk and were just about to leave when the lady slacken off down the server to require to address to her manager . We decided to rest just to see how this panned out and , if needed , plead our host ’s case .
" Our server was visibly scared when she brought her ( old , male ) coach to the table and then started to head up off to the back , probably to shout out and reflect other job options . Business Lady asked her to stay , and proceeded to order the director that the service was awesome and she really hoped [ server ’s name which I do n’t retrieve , but she DID ] did n’t get into any trouble , because she was n’t upset at all and [ server ’s name ] was n’t in the wrong . I clearly remember the tidings , ‘ I had too much poppycock on the table ’ and ‘ things happen . ’
" I do n’t really think what was pronounce by the manager , but the lady left shortly after and I , being nosy , detain to demand our host how much she ’d tipped . Sorta stun , she pull a crisp $ 50 from the char ’s check launch pad and held it up for us to see . I ’d have to guess the tab was no less than $ 15 , from what she ’d ordered .
" Maybe this lady was just so fertile she did n’t manage if her various phones and things were deflower , but I have to hope , if I ’m ever so affluent as to be able to purchase Louboutins , I ’d think of to be that cognizant of how one incident can bear upon a server ’s living and how I could ( maybe ) assistant . " –Shannon Karev
Do you have a restaurant , family - preparation , or any other food - adjacent account you ’d wish to see come along in Off the Menu ( on ANY subject , not just this one ) ? Please emailWilyUbertrout@gmail.comwith “ Off the Menu ” in the subject line ( or you could find out me on Twitter:@EyePatchGuy ) . entry are always welcome !
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