Anyone who has ever been between the sheet more than once make love that sex is n’t always , well , aphrodisiacal . In fact , it can be pretty awkward at times ( ugh , those sound ! ) . But there are also the afflictive mishaps , excited outflow , and downright disgusting moments of shitting . Yes , really .
Be warn : things are about to get messy –and not in a good elbow room .
Unwanted expulsions
" My neighbour was this really raging 30 - something who always wore the most amazing , body - conscious clothing . I was hot for her so when she asked me to stop over for drinks , I was trusted it was move to go somewhere . I was trying to lose a few hammering and take Ali , which is an over - the - counter drug to serve corpulency patients .
" We had a Super Bowl political party [ earlier that day ] and I refine a mountain of wing and pizza pie , so I popped two . One of the side effects that I did n’t fully understand was " leaky bowels " but since I had never had an yield , I remember it was fine . tight - forward to our third drink and some heavy caressing , and I moved on her sofa only to discover a huge orange stain where I was ride . I attempt to work it off like I spilled something , but finally , I had to confess – and pay off her $ 6,000 for a novel sofa . " –Tony , 39
" I had sex with a guy who was really neat to try out anal beads . We never did anything like this before and did not love communications protocol , so in they went and while giving him a coke job , I yanked them out . Well , all of a sudden we smelled the worst smell and realized there was faecal matter everywhere . " –Brandy , 35
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
" I was once going down on my new hombre when all of a sudden he came on my thorax and expect down with a horror-struck side . It was ancestry ! He called his Doctor of the Church immediately and it turns out he pulled something at the gym and that was the reason , but he was so freak out out that I could n’t even be disturbed because I was so distressed about simmer down him down . " –Samantha , 37
Stuck on a feeling
" I had just go through a divorce and was having sexual activity with a raw fair sex and suppose it was going great until it suddenly reach me that this was not my wife . I am not a military man who wear down but I started cry out . She was really understanding but I never call her again . I was mortify . " –Marco , 40
" My guy cable once expect me to clobber his anus and I just couldn’tgo there . Every time I would go down on him , it was like he would raise his butt and move in a way that was so suggestive that it commence to stress me out . Finally , after what seemed like weeks of him doing this , I blurted out , ' I am never perish to work your ass , OK ? ' and he just stared at me in electrical shock and get down laughing very severely . Now , on occasion , he will demand for a BJ and say , ' but I do n’t have a bun in the oven you to lick my buns , so do n’t occupy . ' It ’s awesome that we can make it a caper . But , for real , never pass . " –Melanie , 29
Love hurts
" I go along necessitate my young man to be scratchy during sex and one night , after drinking a lot , we decide to up the ante . I start ask him to pull my hair and I do n’t get it on why I blank out that I had annexe , but I could not feel it and kept shout out ' heavy , hard ! ' until he ripped the entire bottom row out – along with my haircloth . I injure up screaming and crying as he sat there , freaked out about both the whisker in his hand and his angry , hurt girlfriend . " –Kelly , 32
" I was having sex doggy - style with my girlfriend and we were going hard and all of a sudden it start out and back in – but into the wrong kettle of fish . She fall to the flooring in agony . I felt ugly . " –Nick , 40
Puppy love
" I sleep with my dog and enquire the cat I was sleeping with if he was cool with it . He was – until my blackguard initiate going after his sack while we were having sex . I think he even licked him ! " –Heather , 28
Minor gas leaks
" I was trying to lose weight and my supporter mentioned to take CLA which is something you’re able to get at the health store . I did n’t realize the stuff and nonsense increase bowel movements and I curve up make the speculative gas during my first topnotch - hot gender academic session with a hombre I like a lot . uncalled-for to say , that was over before it started . " –Megan , 29
" I was once having sexual practice with a guy and I had corrode a lot of cabbage and felt extremely gassy . I thought I could control it but I was on top and I moved the wrong way and though no one could hear anything , the smell was so grievous that he just stopped . We were n’t together so there was no make ignitor of it . He said he was n’t feel well and work over and we just lay there , pretending that I did n’t release a silent - but - pernicious . He left in the morning time and texted again but I never responded . " –Stacy , 29
It’s a burning thing
" My boyfriend bought me a vibrator but I was n’t super knowledgable about how the process worked so I popped it in right out of the boxful without wipe it down . The next Nox , while we were having sex , I finger this frightful pain when he was inside of me and I had to stop . A few hours later , I was holding my abdomen as he drove me to the ER . Apparently , I got a severe bacterial infection from the matter ! " –Alice , 34
" My boyfriend and I had solve out and we were really sore , so we adjudicate to use Icy Hot on our muscularity . We wash it off ( or so we thought ) , and got into bed , and he startle to thumb me and it burn ! We could not figure out why and I could not block off the stinging ! " –Cassandra , 23
" I read that using Altoids made a sexual experience well so I think I would surprise my boyfriend with a great BJ . reckon ' more is more ' I popped three of those suckers in my mouth , moment into them , and went to town . All of a sudden , he set off screaming , ' Stop ! " and ran to the bathroom . He had a small cut on his phallus and the unreasonable lot burned him . " –Taylor , 29Sign up herefor our daily Thrillist email , and get your fixing of the best in food / drink / sport .
Brenda Della Casais editor - in - primary and digital content strategian for Preston Bailey figure , as well as author ofCinderella Was a Liar . check out her out onFacebook , Instagram , andTwitter : @BrendaDellaCasa .
