" You really think you ’re better than me , do n’t you ? " a uniformed doorman calls out after Jerry as he leaves the flat Elaine is house - sitting in the classicSeinfeldepisode " The Doorman . " Soon duped into becoming the doorman himself , Jerry realizes the occupation – opening the door for people , recognizing them as residents , and not intruding on their daily lives – is a lot harder than it appears .
Doormen may be the most underrated powerful people in New York . serve as the unofficial societal anthropologists of New York ’s most privileged – and often most forgetful – hall porter are filled with anecdotes of terrible human deportment . ineffectual to distract themselves with books or even phone ( though from time to time some will sneak them in ) , doormen who stick up through the night have their center on everything and everyone at pretty much all times . Of course , most of these elite doormen are bound to strict NDAs forbidding them from publically share any of the shameful conduct they find , but we were able to give chase down some of the best ( anonymous ) account for you to savour .
Doormen know who you’re sleeping with
“ I ’ve date partner cheat on on each other with immature the great unwashed and look me in my brass and introduce someone as a nephew or niece coming to visit . Do n’t make me an accoutrement to your criminal conversation . Just go upstairs and leave me alone ” –Anonymous Midtown East doorkeeper
“ I learn this mankind ( a matrimonial father of two ) was have got an affair with another adult female . The next month , I regain out his wife was also run across someone on the side . Of course , one night put up are always amusing , peculiarly since I get to see either the beginning or terminal pegleg of the manner of walking of disgrace . ” –Anyonyous Upper East Side doorman , sourced from Reddit
The trash is literally filled with treasures
“ get a full bottle of alcohol once , which was great for a 18 year old me ( I still call back they were giving it to me since they were middling young and the people I tattle to the most at the time . ) Some vinyl records , a vast stuffed lion I gave to my babe , and a pretty cool picture . ” –Anonymous Upper West Side doorman , source from Reddit
Unexpected guests may pop in for the night
“ I figure out near a strip of bar [ on the Upper West Side ] , so I portion out with a pile of somewhat messed - up citizenry asking to apply the john . One sentence somebody fell asleep in one of the vestibules that I was working in . I just permit him slumber it off for about an time of day and then woke him up and told him he had to go home . You bang , if I was that mess up - up , I would desire somebody to at least let me sleep a piddling mo . It ’s a common courtesy . ” –Anonymous Upper West Side doorman
You’ll see some pretty deplorable behavior
“ 3 years ago I ’ve seen a woman fire a nanny because she was diagnose with titty cancer , citing it as an ‘ inordinate asperity ’ for her , the employer . ” –Anonymous Upper East Side doorman , sourced from Reddit
You may get some X-rated entertainment
“ There ’s an flat with a window facing where I stand [ in Midtown ] . The lady used to get au naturel [ in front of it ] and the couple would have sex in front of the window , they did n’t care . Everybody get laid ! ” –Anonymous Midtown door guard
Childhood dreams can be obliterated
“ I saw [ an drunk ] Batman . It was kind of a letdown . To see someone dressed in a very expensive superhero costume and walk in with a cup of tea of McDonald ’s intellectual nourishment … Batman does n’t eat McDonald ’s . ” –Anonymous Upper West Side doorman
Doormen may just be the best real estate agents in the city
“ The inside selective information we get is when the tenant break down or distinguish someone they are impress . These apartments are co - ops and go for zillion or [ sic ] dollars . I do n’t have rich enough friend to fill them in on when apartment will be on the market place . ” –Anonymous Upper East Side doorman , source from Reddit
Nothing you do in the lobby is private
“ I see a muckle of [ drunk tenants ] fighting in the lobby . It gets reasonably crazy . ” –Anonymous Midtown doorman
Some doormen will talk about residents behind their backs
Everyone is a phony, really
“ One of my tenants is an art monger from Brooklyn : he hazard he ’s from London and puts on a British emphasis wolfram [ sic ] his associate but says he yo [ sic ] to me in individual . ” –Anonymous Park Avenue hall porter
Tenants in doorman buildings kind of suck
“ I deal with a lot of forthright people , mass with new money . They voice really entitle . They believe that because they ’re paying XTC amount of dollars a calendar month they merit certain treatment . My job is n’t to supply to your every caprice . It ’s to hold this threshold and make trusted nobody gets in the building without right clearance . ” –Anonymous Upper West Side porter
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