The good affair you may do when exploring the orotund turn of Pittsburgh suburbs is to keep drive until you ’ve reached the country . Are the people there any better ? No , but there are far fewer of them . But since we ’re here to discuss the suckage gene of Pittsburgh ’s huge sprawling , permit us explore the quaint , the commercial message , and the angsty - teen - addled suburbs of Western Pennsylvania with undetermined heart and misanthropic linear perspective .
Blawnox
Home toMoondogs , a alive blues cake , andN Stuff Music , arguably Pittsburgh ’s best euphony shop , Blawnox manages to be the unadulterated dreary spot for onetime musicians and nestling looking to land their first gigs while also being one of the dullest places on earth .
Bridgeville
Full of mediocre pizza and not much else .
Carnegie
Where you end up if you ’re in a alloy lot and do n’t want to dash on your married booster ’s couches any more .
Cranberry Township
living accommodations ontogenesis , a sea of Starbucks , and strip malls full of bored teen examine to pop an ollie or buy cocain when the security guards are n’t find out .
Dormont
With its quaint shop , tacky bars , age bachelors , and happy families , Dormont does n’t quite experience what it ’s essay to be .
Ellwood City
purportedly head for the hills by the mob ?
Etna
It ’s possible that the medial citizen demographic in Etna is 60 twelvemonth old , Caucasian , female , and criminally insane .
Evans City
Home to the cemetery where the famous , " They ’re coming to get you , Barbara , " communication channel was first uttered . Also , piles of cows and unsafe - search bar .
Fox Chapel
Some of the top Google hunting resultant for Fox Chapel include " yacht club , " " golf game lodge , " " land club " … you get it .
Greensburg
Perhaps the only suburbia that can swash having a strip club located directly across the street from a Christian church . Props .
McKees Rocks
That one part of the great Pittsburgh area that even your super - progressive friends – the ones who claim there are no unsafe neighborhoods – wo n’t set up animal foot in . Fun fact : the now - deceased OxiClean spokesman Billy Mays was from here .
Millvale
Where you move if you ’re a 30 - something married couple with a rescue dog and a child on the agency .
Monroeville
Like Cranberry Township , but heavy and full of ambiguous - looking buildings that no one ever decease into ( or come out of ) .
Moon Township
Moon Township manages to somehow be less interesting than the gigantic floating place rock candy that it ’s named after . But at least it ’s close to Pittsburgh ’s only IKEA .
Mount Lebanon
The pure destination for home - buyers who desire to pay really high revenue enhancement and also be inconveniently far from the metropolis .
Munhall
According to the internet , Munhall has excellent elderly - charge choice , aka : it ’s where you go to die .
Oakmont
This suburb is n’t blatantly terrible thanks to the Oakmont Bakery ( which you should just bivouac out in front of at all metre ) , but it also is n’t awfully interesting . Neutral points grant .
Ross Township
They ’re illustrious for how great their shopping mall supposedly is , but it does n’t even have a toy store . Ugh .
Seven Fields
Where Republicans go to procreate and teach their children the delight of fiscal conservativism .
Sewickley
full-bodied .
Sharpsburg
With a trendy young brewery slated to open up , Sharpsburg is mete up - and - coming . But do n’t concern , it ’s also full of old gentlewoman and mickle of people you did n’t love you were related to .
Upper St. Clair
slenderly less rich than Sewickley , but still , like , damn rich .
Warrendale
Full of cheap motel and category restaurants for when you ’ve in the end give up .
West Mifflin
creditworthy for the Chevroletcommercial jinglethat has inundated the psyche of every Pittsburgher for over 20 year .
Wexford
Wexford is a bit more palatable than some of Western PA ’s sprawl suburbia . It ’s home to Soergel Orchards but , curiously enough , is also where Christina Aguilera mature up .
Whitehall Township
About as Caucasian as its name would propose .
Wilkinsburg
The closest you ’ll ever be to Pittsburgh without actually being in Pittsburgh . Take 20 footprint out of Regent Square and short your revenue enhancement go up and your schooling district is dreadful .
Zelienople
Often touch on to as " Zelie - a - nowhere " by the angsty teen population , this little suburb inspired a touring banding to name themselves after the diminished community when they visit and were blown out by what a beautiful Ithiel Town it was . Clearly , this band has not traveled much .
signalise up herefor our daily Pittsburgh email and be the first to get all the food for thought / potable / playfulness in the Steel City .
Education Images/UIG/Getty Images
Blawnox|Flickr/Jon Dawson
Dormont|Flickr/Joseph
Evans City|Flickr/Joseph
Millvale|Flickr/Jon Dawson
Mount Lebanon|Flickr/Jon Dawson
Oakmont|Flickr/Cam Miller
Sewickley|Flickr/Joseph
Wexford|Flickr/Rhettwp
