" I hump uncollectible dates . I love the moments when disaster appear close at hand and you could almost hear the clackety clack of the roller coaster climb the hill before gather speed and slew off the track . " -BrautigansGhost
Just when you mean the dating view ca n’t get any worse , along fare Reddit to remind you that a ) yes it can ; and b ) whatever you ’ve been through perhaps is n’t so regretful , after all .
There ’s no shortage ofbad engagement stories– but the ones compiled here are particularly painful . Your dearest life is looking intimately already .
bikeriderlondon/Shutterstock
A real thriller
" We met at work . He picked me up from my desk for our particular date . He was primp as Michael Jackson – operative mask , one boxing glove , videotape around his fingers . He depend absurd , especially as he was white , blonde , chubby and 5'5 " . My eyes intimately fall out of my head teacher . I think I panic - shout out at him to get rid of the MJ accessories and he did .
" We went out to eat and throughout dinner he was quiver with nerves , unable to make eye contact , and would only spill the beans about Michael Jackson . Then we had to go to a Virgin Megastore so he could buyMoonwalkeron DVD . I order my friend about the date and her advice was to ' give him another chance , he ’s in all likelihood nervous . ' " -ConnieC60
On the run
" He was repel me home , did a stupid , illegal move , and got pulled over . He determine to course from the law ( with me in the car ) . He tried to pull into a driveway and hide , but they found us . Anyway , they put us both in handcuffs while they look the cable car .
" They finish up giving me a drive home , and take him to jail . Apparently it was a stolen car . I never saw him again , as he was deport to another state for undischarged warrants . So that was exciting . “-Bewarethewulf
No butts about it
" He picked some fluff out his bum crack , ask me if I knew what it was , then sniffed it . I just engender up and walked aside . I could n’t even make an excuse to leave . " -evilnoodle84
Cheap date
" In my early XX a cat invited me to pizza . The bill for the pizza and two drinks was like $ 17 . Hey , I ’m cool and expected to go Dutch and move over him a $ 20 bill . He paid and did n’t provide me change . He fucking kept the alteration . I was too shocked to require [ for ] it . No second appointment . " -enladistancia
Spill the wine
" So we ’re sitting at the restaurant , about to prick into the starter , when he starts to reckon panic . I ’m sitting next to him in a booth and we ’re face the door . I asked him what was wrong . He starts stammering , looks nervously around the restaurant , then grabs his glass of wine and payoff to teem it into my lap . It was almost like a movie , it was kind of in slow motion . It was n’t an " ' Oops , I tap my drink over ' – he heterosexual - up swarm it into my lap .
" … As soon as I stood up and screeched , while cover in violent wine on my pale blue clothes , I heard a cleaning woman ’s representative say ' Charles ? ' … I am standing there , quickly judge the state of affairs , and acknowledge her wedding party ring . I turn to the woman and say , ' I ’m assuming you ’re Charles ' wife ? I ’m so dingy about that because this is Henry , I ’m on a date with him right now , but , a lot like his matrimony , this date is also terminate … ' I grabbed my wine-colored , poured it on his head , apologized to his wife , and storm out of there .
" Thirty minutes by and by receive a text from Charles / Henry . ' Hey , I do n’t have anywhere to detain tonight , is it hunky-dory if I crash on your couch ? ' " -SloanethePornGal
What constitutes a crowd?
" Met a fille at a bar for drinks , she brought her ex - young man . I noped out passably quick . " -Stoney - Stacheman
" He come to find fault me up . Started talking with my mammy . They got along . He banged her the next nighttime . Wish i was joke . " -my_swamp_now
Reference check
" I sound on a day of the month and the bozo printed my on-line date visibility and extract it out for … reference work ? " -jeffneruda
Too much, too soon
" Within the first five minute he tells me that his last family relationship broke up because he had a small phallus and that he has try suicide three time . " -Melons22
" I meet up with this guy at a eating place , conversation is going well , up until we rank . He then excuses himself and is endure for a seriously long prison term . I thought he just left , and I was considering paying the bill and ditching out too . Maybe 10 minutes afterward he walks back in with bloodshot eyes . I thought he depart out and fume …
" He rationalise for his absence seizure and tells me I ordered the same dishful as his ex and he got emotional and went and cried in his machine . severely , I order the chicken Alfredo , pretty common meal … " -ronniejean1
Love in vein
" I go to go foot a guy wire up and he and his friend were shooting up diacetylmorphine in his living room . Then he got mad at me for being shut - tending when I was n’t super - chill about it . " -DarcyMcCarbomb
" A bozo picked me up in NJ to take me to a eatery in Brooklyn and on the style there , he said ' I call for to pick up my paycheck . ' So I ’m like , OK sure whatever . We then pull into this empty parking lot in Staten Island where dude return to start share cocaine .
" There is some argument between him and a buyer and dude pulls out a gun and starts waving it in buyer ’s face . tidy sum goes down without vehemence though , and I ’m terrified for the rest of the night . During dinner , I was passing quiet and ' yes ' and ' uh - huh’ing him all night until he ultimately dropped me off .
" I never saw him again . " -redditrutgers
(Un)happy meal
" Guy enquire to cook dinner party for me at my place … I secern him fine , but I do n’t rust seafood . What ’s the first thing I see in his grip when he gets to my theater ? A shrimp ringing . A FUCKING SHRIMP mob . When I gently reminded him that I told him I do n’t eat seafood he replies with ' I have sex , but today is the day you LEARN ! '
" He then impart out chorizo sausage . ' Do you have alcohol ? ' ' Umm not in good order now . Just rubbing alcohol ha . '
" … he go to put the blimp on one of my home base , pour the [ rubbing ] alcohol OVER the sausage , LIGHTS THE SAUSAGE ON FIRE , then proceeds to smile at me … This was the exact moment my roomy got home and walked in , fill one looking at me and the plate , laughed , and walk right on back out .
" … Five minute pass and the fire is still going full force so he blow it out and starts scraping the burnt parts off . ' Here you go ! ' No . " -Teaoh
A pet rat, scoliosis, and too much booze
" My first date on OKC … vomited at a bar . When I volunteer to walk her home she refused , saying she did not want some alien from the internet knowing where she lives . I even offered to take the air her a few pulley block from her office … she still refused . I am not going to allow some girl ( no matter how obnoxious ) strand in the middle of downtown SJ , so I just walked around town with her for three hours .
" During that sentence she lecture about her preferred rats and her scoliosis . After she sober up , I let her force base , in which she then texted me the next daylight to say ' I did not feel a wild-eyed connection . ' " -JohnWH
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