Washington , DCis positively filled with truly great burnt umber shops , but sometimes , you just need to hit a Starbucks : maybe you ’re drawn by the siren birdsong of guaranteed , consistently work gratuitous Wi - Fi , or just the comfort of a consistent dawn brew . If you ’re a transplant ( hi , pretty much everyone in DC ) , being able to get the exact same latte as you did back home can be super comforting , after all . In fact , the consistency of a Grande Hazelnut Frappuccino at everyStarbucksin the US can only be matched by the geometrical regularity of the character you see inside : take the air into any of the strand ’s many spot in the territorial dominion flop now , and there ’s a good opportunity that you ’ll spy one of these regulars …
The Pack of Tourists
Getting stuck in stock behind a family who ’s visiting DC for the very first time is every commuter train ’s incubus , and in this city , you be given to live the incubus more frequently than the poor schmucks out on Elm St in Springwood , Ohio .
Fanny Pack Dad is neglecting to yell at Overstimulated Child – who is about to tumble a bombastic , perilously fragile video display of porcelain Starbucks coffee mugs – while Tourist Mom is require the bank clerk why , exactly , her macchiato is so much more expensive here than at home , where the Washington Monument is , can you take the air there , and if it ’s deserving it . You will not be incur to work on time .
The Overprivileged Child of Wealthy DC Parents
This small fry shows up on his fixed - appurtenance bike , but the headstone to his parent ’ Beemer are jangling in his pouch . He is almost certainly a ashen person with dreadlocks , so thoroughly convinced of his bohemian nature that he will – with an entirely straight case – introduce himself as an emerging performance artist in the DC arts tantrum . He is a graduate of St. Alban ’s , presently taking a " gap twelvemonth " to explore his artistic stake ( interpret : ascertain Netflix in his pajamas until 1 p.m. ) . He require his ordering extra live , just to finger live , man .
The Retiree
on the Q.T. ( OK , maybe not - so - secretly ) we all need to be the retired person . You know the one : she swing over into Starbucks at about 10:30am and posts up at the big table next to all the power outlet , even though she has lend nothing that requires plug in . As she sips her earl grey tea and nibble her Bountiful Berry muffin , she looks terrifically , enviably relaxed . You just know she is on the display board of The Humane Society or some other super astonishing charity . She casually thumbs through theWashington Post . Sometimes a admirer dribble by . This is her life .
The Clearly Hungover Dude
The bro behind you may be trying to hide his bloodshot optic behind a duo of Ray - Bans , but he ca n’t conceal the fact that he smell like $ 1 Miller Light drafts … ostensibly it was untamed time atMadhatterlast night . He manages to mumble out his rescript for a dual venti Americano , but when he goes to find fault up the scalding cup of coffee from the bar , he trigger off , and his morning salvation is now naught but a puddle on the floor . Oh , Clearly Hungover Dude . Just jump today – nobody desire you to come into oeuvre right now .
The Intern
There ’s a bighearted encounter at the firm around 9:30am , and the sunrise line is being held up by The Intern , who order decanter - lading of coffee while check her Blackberry and nervously rend her ponytail . If you had any promise of regularise a scone , good luck next time : The Intern got the go - ahead to put all the pastry in the case on the fellowship card .
The Regular
This guy does n’t even require to posit his order . By the time he walks in the door – at 8:35 every bless morning – the barista has already started stimulate his triple grande skinny hazelnut caffe latte . The Regular then whips out his smartphone , opens a Starbucks Au card on the Starbucks app ( natch ) , and exits second later on , frothy latte in bridge player .
Yoga Pants
Yoga Pants is only sometimes on her mode to Tranquil Space , but she is constantly plugged into her iPhone , blissfully incognizant when the Starbucks barista shout , “ Next ! ” When Yoga pant finally hears her pool stick , she saunters over to the sideboard , smile her faux - namaste smile , withdraw only one earbud , and order a grande skinny soya chai quicker than she can downward dog .
The Networker
Suit : deterrent . Laptop case : check . Look of waste thirst in his eyes : check . The Networker is not here for the coffee – that ’s why he order a grandiloquent dark roast , which he completely ignores . Nope , as The Networker scan the room like a mierkat try both predators and prey , it ’s obvious that he ’s just here to meet another suit – one who hopefully has a Book of Job jumper lead this time .
The Dude Who’s “Working From Home”
This guy showed up unshaven – not aphrodisiacal - scruff Brad Pitt unshaved , just utter carelessness unshaven – and in sweatpants . Although he looks dressed for ease , he ’s clearly engaged in an uphill battle with a 5 pm deadline . As he pecks away on his laptop computer , his deal hovers absently above the empty paper coffee cup – time for another refill ( his third of the day ) .
The Undergrad
Come test week , every Starbucks within a ten - block radius of thenineteencolleges in this town is filled with more anxiety than a shambles , and it ’s all emanating from The Undergrad , or more accurately , The Undergrads : every single table has been invade by a kid with a MacBook . While The Undergrads mightlookdifferent from each other , their behavior is spookily indistinguishable : the strain of finals has each of them freaking outhard , and none of them will be giving up their sought after blot in the Starbucks anytime soon .
Stroller Dad
Stroller Dad is authentically in penury of caffeine . He ’s grade a venti reddened center because his shaver – now peacefully asleep in his stroller – decided that 4 am is the new 9 am . Stroller Dad would be stoke if his kid were a little less of a trendsetter that way . Stroller Dad is think it might be time to move to Northern Virginia . He is incognizant that there ’s a receipt from Beefsteak stuck to the bottom of his brake shoe .
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