Driving in Houston is a brute like no other . It entail a unique solidification of rule that are mostly unofficial butgenerallyaccepted , sodding with experience ( some traumatic ) that make you recall hard on why just you make up one’s mind to live here . That ’s not to say that everything that happens to you while drive here is bad … but yeah , mostly everything that happens to you while driving here will be bad . At least we have peck of Whataburgers for when you just need a rupture .
1 . You almost get race over by a tricked - out Ford F150 on the Katy Freeway .
2 . You near lose your mind when no one signals for a unexpended round on Westheimer .
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3 . You well-nigh lose your mind when no one knows how to blend onto ANYWHERE .
4 . You leave you ’re wearing boxers and burn the hold up hell out of yourself on the singe worldly concern that is your equipment driver ’s seat .
5 . The automobile next to you is texting while drive … on an iPad … while speed on I-10 .
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6 . Crap , chuckhole .
7 . You clear speed limit are taken as light mesmerism , specially the Grand Parkway .
8 . You listen the warning “ turn around , do n’t drown . ”
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9 . While business district you forget that you may make a left bout onto a one - way street on red ink and get brutally retch at .
10 . You get a line " Cake By The Ocean " again and make mum death threats to Houston ’s radiocommunication disc jockey .
11 . For a fleeting second on I-45 , you forget what you ’re doing and suppose you ’re playingMario Kart .
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12 . You pass so much clip start bilk in dealings that you regularly trade your workout for well-chosen time of day , and you ’re totally hunky-dory with it because it ’s the only way to make it .
13 . Crap , ANOTHER pothole .
14 . It gently snow , and it ’s essentially as though the Book of Revelation has happened .
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15 . You draw off an expert - level parallel park in Midtown only to realize it ’s not a legal spot .
16 . Your car takes a prissy retentive clay bath just after you wash it .
17 . You check Google Maps for dealings warning signal and snuff it a petty inside after seeing the loop-the-loop lit up like a Christmas tree .
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18 . You experience a present moment of affright after go out the light - track tracks on Main .
19 . You pull in merging in or out of a four - lane eater road is exactly likeThe Hunger Games .
20 . spicy 95 - 7 ’s “ Whatcha Doin' At The Courthouse ” is the best part of your forenoon commute .
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21 . You almost crash trying to Snap the Montrose rollerblader .
22 . You lawfully get air while driving on T.C. Jester .
23 . You get really good at dodge motortruck rubble .
24 . You hold off in line to get onto 610 for 20 minutes only to have the machine in front of you let , like , 10 cars cut off in .
25 . The lanes in the Med Center have been painted over so many multiplication you ’re actually not certain which one you should stick to .
26 . You consider quitting your desk job and getting into grammatical construction , since there ’s clearly an endless amount of body of work to do .
27 . You almost hit the guy that ’s straight - up stopped at the feeder to I-45 South from Allen Parkway .
28 . You release down a back road near Bush Intercontinentaland are convince your GPS is trying to get you murdered .
29 . You drive through a torrential downpour like “ Jesus , take the wheel . ”
30 . Just when things are going well on Hardy Toll Road , you see it : “ route closed in advance . ”
31 . Crap , valet hombre .
32 . While cruising business district , theguy in front of you forgets he ca n’t make a left turn onto a one - way street on red , so you savagely throw up at him .
33 . You decide to plough around , park your cable car at home base , and Uber to keep any color of your saneness .
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