There are sealed guilty pleasance that everyone living in Chicago seems to line enjoyment from – and no , we ’re not look up to your penchant for watching loathsome blackhead descent videos on YouTube every dark before bed . Whether uncivil , gluttonous , or downright ridiculous , these are more universal shamed pleasure that every Chicagoan late down on the QT love .
Smugly reminding our friends in other cities how cheap our rent is
“ You ’re paying $ 1,200 a month to sleep in a closet in San Francisco ? Wow , that must really take in . That ’s how much I ’m paying for my one bedroom . Did I mention that I also have a den and a terrace ? My apartment is like , one blockfrom the Red Line . ”
Complaining about tourists…
Yet still go out of your way to prove how nice topical anaesthetic are . One minute , you ’re maledict the being of every tourer on the Red Line , and the next minute , you ’re exhaustively answering their ridiculous question about how to get from the Addison stop to Wrigley Field in your most polite , friendliest vocalization while internally turn over your eye .
Ordering far too much food on GrubHub
You ’ve definitely order two drinks so the pitch guy did n’t wholly judge you – one for you , and one for your invisible friend who ’s really , really hungry . Anyway , whatever . It ’s the restaurant ’s shift for having a $ 25 bringing lower limit .
Using brunch as an excuse to eat a day’s worth of calories for breakfast
Somehow , brunch makes it completely venial to eat things you ’d never exhaust during the workweek . We ’re well - aware of the fact that “ red velvet French pledge ” are actually slice of red velvet cake that have been battered and fry , andthe Bloody Mary we ’re drinking is a meal in itself , but whatever . If our favorite brunch spots call it breakfast intellectual nourishment , then gosh darn it , it ’s breakfast intellectual nourishment !
Becoming an absolute hermit from November to March
The good affair about winter ? It ’s a costless straits to be lazy . After four month of day imbibition that head into all - Nox drinking , countless street festivals and medicine festivals and weekends spent weaseling your way onto other people ’s gravy boat , your sofa and Netflix start search mighty appealing .
Pretending to be a fan of Chicago-based TV shows
But really watching for the novelty broker . “ That front room access that was onChicago 911 Operatorslast night ? That was completely my best friend ’s cousin ’s x - beau ’s old flat ! ”
Secretly loving the tourist spots that youswearare so cheesy
Nobody necessitate to know how much you love visit the Sears Tower Skydeck and the Ferris cycle at Navy Pier .
Eavesdropping on other people’s conversations
Admit it : you ’re totally guilty of take heed to other mass ’s conversations on the CTA or at your local coffee shop and texting the most absurd anecdotes to your best friend . It ’s the piddling things – like being a snarky , snoopy jerk – that make living among millions of people tolerable .
Suburban shopping malls
Ahh , the suburbia : land of free parking , buildings that house every single storehouse you ’d ever want to patronize , and no tourists , with Ikea right down the street . Ooooh , do I sense Cinnabon ?
Instagramming your arrival in Chicago
If you ’ve ever get down the window seat on a flight back into Chicago , you likely have this accurate same guessing brand to your Instagram account – probably with the caption , “ Sweet home , Chicago . ”
Portillo’s chocolate cake shake
Whatever . In Texas , I get word they eat up deep deep-fried butter .
Talking smack
While we ’re true professional at talking crap to each other based on our baseball game team of pick , our substantial area of expertness is diss other cities while boast our high quality . Anyway , it ’s not like it is n’t well - merit . Chicago smells like glorious chocolate , and yours just smells . YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE .
Driving or taking a cab when we could easily take public transit (or walk)
think of : no matter how slothful you feel after your six block cab ride , it could be worse . At least you ’re not one of those suburbanite that circle the parking pile 500 times to discover a smirch by the front room access so they do n’t have to walk an additional 30 ft .
Drinking holidays
People love to go on about how silly holiday like St. Patrick ’s Day or event like TBOX are , and yet so many Chicagoans participate that Clark St ineluctably gets shut down every ‘ vacation ’ .
Living in the past
It does n’t weigh that it ’s been 31 year since the Bears advance the Superbowl , 24 years since Ditka was “ da four-in-hand , ” 11 yr since the White Sox won the World Series , and 18 years since Michael Jordan played for the Bulls – all that matters is that it once happened , damn it .
Judging everyone you meet based on what neighborhood they live in
“ Wrigleyville ? Oh . So … you ’re originally from Michigan and just moved here after graduating from Ohio State University , I take it ? ”
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Lisa Chatroopis editor ofDailyUrbanistaand has probably baffle you at a sidewalk raceway at least once . Say hi on Twitter:@Chicagoista .
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