Never has doing dead nothing been as problematic as it is in the act of ghosting .
And yet , this maligned behaviour ( or miss thereof ) – specify as the cutting off of all contact with someone you are seeing – has nevertheless become usual exercise . Much like other objectionable dating - platform substance abuse like group profile exposure , or listing oxygen or coffee as the one affair you ca n’t subsist without , ghosting is yet another matter single sept have to pick up to deal with .
And let ’s face it : sometimes , ghosting is the least striking choice . But how do you ghost without being a douchebag ? Read on to find out .
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Ghost the person, not the date
A vulgar misconception is that all ghosting is adequate . Not straight ! Ignoring someone ’s texts IS NOT the same as not showing up to an agree - upon day of the month . If you ’ve made concrete plans with someone , you have a obligation to show up . Or , at the very least , to cancel ( at leasta span of hour in advance , so they can hate you from the pantsless comfort of their own life room ) . It is a wad skilful to text into the void without getting a reply than to sit down at the bar , stomach filled with butterflies , an eye on the room access . Do n’t be a goliath .
Be consistent
A few weeks after ghosting , you may reconsider your conclusion . After all , this soul was genuinely concerned in you and you were originally attracted to them . reignite that flame during a foresightful commute might be tempting – especially if you ’ve just struck out and need some positive reinforcement . Well , ruffianly shit . Actively toy with someone ’s emotions for the sake of your own ego is still the veritable line between an average dater and frustrate psychopath .
Be realistically short-term
The regretful part of ghosting is the whiplash injury that can be occur when the soul you ’ve decided to haunt isalsosomeone you ’ve made future plan with . So until you ’re sure about someone , NO down - the - communication channel concerts . NO upcoming internal holidays . NO pre-emptive plans to gourmandize a series that wo n’t be released for another two calendar month . Ghosting is rarely an madcap act – so if it is something you foresee yourself doing or have a history of , behave accordingly , and keep things short - term . Nothing beyond next weekend … maybe .
Know your six degrees of relationship separation
Do any of your acquaintance know an familiarity of the person you ’re about to ghost ? This behavior is in spades exit to make you look bad – so make certain your mutual masses do n’t admit their roommate , your best friend , or your favorite coworker . If that is the case , you ought to in the time to do things the “ right elbow room . ” It ’s a small world out there and thing get awkward at a party tight .
Erase the social media carbon footprint
Ghosting is an active process , not passive . So the least you could do is be thorough about it . No semi - translucent , can - still - pick - up - a - cup shenanigans . This goes beyond ignoring their text ! It ’s time to unfriend them on Facebook , and unfollow them on Twitter , Instagram and Snapchat . You are denying someone ’s universe entirely and there ’s really no need to be overmodest about it . unsuccessful person to do so confuses matter and leaves way for subtext to be read into your silence . put on the other party will stop texting you but still like your funny tweet and selfies leaves fertile ground for what all ghosters fear : the surprise follow - up .
Accept that, yes, you are still kind of an asshole
Please realize that it is not up to the soul you are ghosting to make you find better about your sudden silence . You ’re definitely the bad cat in this scenario . So , should your paths cross again , own up to it with a polite nod and the most casual number of check confab before going on your snappy way . Do n’t embarrass either of you with a self - pitying claptrap about how you ’re " the bad , " or profuse apologies meant to alleviate your guilty conscience . You both know what you did .
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Ben Philippeis a self-employed person writer based in New York City . He did n’t get your text ; he fell asleep , lol ; his earpiece died ; he does n’t have good help ; he forgot to reach send . catch up with up with him on Twitter instead:@GoHomeBen .
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