We ’re learn early in life not to judge a book by its covering fire , but when that ledger is literally putting a ceiling over our head – and , you know , catch some Z’s in the way next door – it ’s OK to pronounce a little . Or a lot , honestly .
The main image is of them, and not their place
And they do this … twice . As in two disjoined listings , and two giant pictures of their face . Actually , one of their face , one of their breasts . This is n’t a dating profile … or , hold off , is it ?
( Miami ; full itemisation –oneandtwo )
They specify whether or not you can bathe
" The balcony , the kitchen , the privy is yours to utilize ! You may cook , or hive away food in the kitchen . You may take a shower . "
Um , thanks ? ( San Francisco;full list )
They’re a little too obsessed with the linens
" Please do n’t consume food while in bottom as this can damage the linens . Please do n’t use massage oils as this also damages linen . Please be careful with the linens . "
We get it , the linens are important to you . peradventure a little too significant ? ( Philly;full list )
They’re particular about feminine products and lingering odors
" Please clean after yourself day by day , that includes microwave , toilet , tubs and sink . Do n’t allow for feminine product in privy rubbish arse . Do n’t leave crusty toothpaste in sink . No hairs to be bequeath behind in tub . Please keep doorway open while you are away so odors do n’t linger in the elbow room . "
So hold back , whereare we place the tampon ? ( Houston;full listing )
They repeatedly remind you that they’re a local celebrity
" We are a local renown family know for taking average places and transforming them using modern pattern , music , art and food as our magic creating them into sinful spaces … Our home is in a very popular urban scope … Some guests say it feels a bit like a mini Manhattan … We are a very social and well experience folk in Portland and do host limited events from time to time . Guest are welcome to get together us . "
Also , they " work hard to wowza you . " Also , also , you ’ll be sharing the bathroom with an " employee from the taco pushcart . " by nature . ( Portland;full listing )
They compose entire sentences from smiley faces
" Due to the too bad fact that my time on Earth is FINITE and there ’s so much to see & do in the balance of my stay days , I do not own a TV … HOWEVER comma butterfly my building is across the street from the Atlanta Library which , incidentally , is a stunning good example of Bauhaus architecture , designed by the 20th century master of Modernism , Marcel Breuer .
" :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) "
Oh yeah , and they sing about their last Clarence Shepard Day Jr. on Earth . Very openly . ( Atlanta;full listing )
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They make really dark jokes, but don’t specify that they’re joking
" Absolutely no smoke without a plastic bag over your head . "
Wait , where are the smiley side ! ? ! ? ( Seattle;full itemisation )
Their rule list is longer than the Ten Commandments
" Do not imbibe anything that is deliberate liquor . You will get 1 towel per mean solar day per individual . There will not be a second key provided to you for any reason . We will schedule one coming together to check in . If I have ANY complaint from ANY neighbour that you are being too loud you will be kicked out of my home with 0 refund given . "
loosen up , MOM ! ( Chicago;full listing )
They refer to the space as an “ecosystem”
" If you are look for the most compassionate , joyous , corporate , global human experience wrap up up into authentic , unique , hand tended , well loved adjustment … Rosie ’s Cove is the veracious space for you ! scurvy pace , clean living , healthy atmosphere and peaceable vibration are generated by a biotic community of guest taking a sensation of responsibility and care for love and protecting The Cove ’s ' ecosystem . ' "
Yeah , it ’s definitely worth say the entire ad . ( New Orleans;full listing )
They rent gingerbread houses andmayrun a cult
" Thisuniquely construct Gingerbread Houseat the Isis Oasis Retreat Center is very cozy inside … Earthen tree diagram are wrapping around the hut making it feel as though it were being squeeze by the tree … Come ready for an Earthen adventure ! "
Sure , innocent enough . Now go take a flavor at theIsis Oasis Retreat Centerand exotic animal sanctuary . ( Geyserville , CA;full listing )
They designate where exactly you CAN’T sit on the couch
" Please do not sit down on the back of the lounge . "
Just so we ’re clean … the front of the couch is where we can sit ? Where is that exactly ? ( Rhode Island;full itemization )
Or… they have a dress code for sitting on it
" Please do not ride on the off - clean sofa with blue jeans or if so , please cover the sofa with the roof before . "
What does this even mean ? ( Switzerland;full list )
They write in all caps to make a point, and aren’t over 60
" ATTENTION , PLEASE READ THIS WHOLE itemization BEFORE YOU INQUIRE!IF YOU CANNOT MEET THE OBLIGATIONS & responsibility REQUIRED FOR THIS PARTICULAR SITUATION , PLEASE DO NOT trouble oneself TO WRITE ME , YOU ARE ONLY desolate BOTH OF OUR TIME . "
In his vindication , this is New York . ( New York;full listing )
They ask that you wash your hands frequently throughout the day
" Please dampen hands with soap thoroughly after each bathroom utilize , and basically wash off hands with liquid ecstasy often through the day , to prevent transfer of germs throughout flat . "
And none of those quickie rinse without soap , dammit ! ( Pittsburgh;full itemisation )
They let a parrot dictate the rules
" I have a parrot that stays in her John Milton Cage Jr. and I love her to death . I only let her out when I ’m dwelling . Please DO NOT use standard candle . She ’s sensitive to any scent of candela . It ’s toxic and fatal for fowl . Also , please DO NOT fertilise her anything . "
Also , just having a parrot way they ’re kind of out there , if we ’re being honest . ( Sacramento;full listing )
They hide dead bodies
" Do not go in the garage . This is where we keep the bodies of people who broke the rules . "
She actually specifies she ’s kidding … but admit it , you ’re sorta scared . ( thenar Springs;full listing)Sign up herefor our daily Thrillist electronic mail , and get your fix of the good in nutrient / drink / fun .
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