I was two months late into a celibacy stint , the cause of which was absolutely antagonistic to anything honorable or informative . The abatement was or else trip by sodding boredom : from repetitive first escort Q&A seance with Seattle ’s bearded , plaided Amazon software developer and their millennial textual matter - messaged seduction tactics .
The disillusionment pushed me into a comfy courtship … with Pornhub .
Then , the January subject ofV Magazinecame out . Splayed across its cover were Lady Gaga and her husband - to - be , love a post - coital spoon , covered head to toe in body paint . The moment captured the couple adjudicate outLove and Paint , a DIY kit from a company by the same name plan to help enchant the art of lovemaking . Love and Paint extend all the necessary accessory ( body paint , brushes , and sheet ) to create your own soundbox rouge - based , sexy masterpiece with your cooperator . It ’s modern fine art at its very friskiest .
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
What can I say ? I ’m a sucker for singular decor .
So I called up Love and Paint ’s co - founder , Tyler Peters , who along with artist Alexander Esguerra , started the company in 2008 . " It ’s not about painting a canvas , " Tyler suppose , before sending me a outfit to try . " It ’s about an experience . ” He had a couple practical pointer for using the kit ; like setting the canvas over something balmy and ending the session after 30 min so the paint does n’t smear or blob . Our conversation end with him advance me to be creative and unwritten .
Luckily for me , I could n’t avoid the latter . Love and Paint ’s website paint a portrayal of a beautiful direction to dive deeper into an survive amatory bond – I , however , was single as fuck . I formed a simple strategy to counteract this : hound down a adult male I find superficially attractive , have several cocktails , get naked , and create a colored red cent show .
How to find a date… for body paint
Like any practiced , nature - loving , hybrid - drive vegan , I first judge to recycle . I accomplish out to sure-enough day of the month , crack , and dick - moving-picture show sender . One polyamorous friend even offered up her cooperator . But with dicks like accelerator stations ( everywhere until you really need one ! ) , one candidate after another fall down away due to programing conflicts , traveling , an STI , and a range of emotional crises . The kit arrived to my doorsill with nary a date in slew . I considered doing it alone , but the sad fit of myself buttered in pigment and rolling around with my vibrator inspired me to immediately reactivate my Tinder report .
" snarf right on if you require to get naked , organic structure paint me , and pluck up on sail ! " I wrote on my visibility .
Suddenly , every proper swipe was a match . Go form .
I nail down on Charlie , a stunt comedian whose career moves him around the world spearing veggie on spikes , escaping handcuffs , juggling sharp target , and catching bowling balls with his side … all while severalize jokes . I found YouTube video of him play paddle ball with his back talk and flipping black eye trap on his deal . My laugh disrupted the quiet coffee shop I had forgotten I was in . I realise I was blushing .
Getting down to (body-painting) business
Charlie had a show scheduled on the date in doubtfulness , so he came over at promising , sunny 11 am . fortunately for us , we had tons of chemistry – so it only took three mimosas of liquid courage and a short , surprisingly not - awkward conversation , before I feel comfortable breaking out the kit . It was declamatory and silky , with two pairs of slippers to prevent trailing paint on the carpet , three jars of blusher , a pocket-size paintbrush , and a 5x4 ft ignominious canvass to be lay across a ( also - admit ) large charge plate tarpaulin . If the scene described reminds you ofDexter , you ’re not alone – Charlie and I felt the same , in a queer and , surprisingly , not totally creepy-crawly manner .
The cognitive process was erotic , mussy , clumsy , and hilarious .
It help that I was attracted to Charlie . I did n’t have to mentally smudge , blur , or make compromises on this rush toward amour . It was easy to forget that we were stripping and groping each other atop what appeared to be a law-breaking scene … until we launch the key jars . Our colors were ruby-red , pink , and clean . Stalled only for a import by the obvious colour relative to blood , Charlie and I forgot about the paintbrush and began pouring Cupid vomit on our book binding , face , and chests . I splashed some on his dick and laugh . Charlie went down on me . I struggled not to let all that crimson – in his lip , on his human face , his neck , and hands – sabotage my now - inevitable orgasm .
The glorious mess of naked art
We conduct our metre . Charlie and I fooled around , took breakout , peach , and fooled around again . I draw to eff the guy who can take his clothes off while juggling . We shared a standardised upbringing , had relate coming - of - years story … he ’s even a feminist , a vegetarian , and unapologetically reliable . In other words , I ’d murder the proverbial jackpot .
On a blood - red canvass , with a guy from Tinder .
The unconscious process was erotic , mussy , clumsy , and hilarious . We could n’t keep the canvas still and finally rubbed it all over our body like a towel . We took funny pic . I smeared key on my desk while reach for my condom drawer . Later , I laid raw atop plastic in lump of stemma - discolor paint with a man I ’d known for less than 24 hours . We shower together , scrubbing the gore off each other ’s backs . And I realized : I ’d accidentally come down for this paint - covered adult male . I smile .
It was time for Charlie to go . I follow him take the air out of my front door with a daub of color still stuck on his pinna . I , still leaking pastel pink like a Care Bear on her menstruation , gave myself the ginger talking I reserve for the ending of those rare great dates : about surrendering to the possibility that I might not be able to have on to this strange , sweet-flavored human race – and that I might lose him to that familiar abyss of the Tinder date - turned - slow slicing . But if he goes through that revolving door , I ’m left with a glorious canvas . And this : there are singular , gonzo , fun , undetermined , and fearless men in this human race . But it will take doing unique , outlandish , merriment , unfastened , and audacious things to find them .
Maggie Youngis a Navy ex-serviceman , Berkeley graduate , source ofJust Another Number , and sex - positive feminist who will never again snub the idea of body paint . Keep up with her atThe Maggie Young .
