Behind everyI dois a unique tale . But while each is its own , some marriage account are more " normal " than others . Mine is anything but .
Tim and I met deep in the summer of 2013 at a common acquaintance ’s barbeque . We were both in unhealthful , on - and - off - again long - term relationships . He and his girl were on a break at the time ; and my boyfriend was living in another country . I wondered why I had n’t met Tim before , since we seemed to be in the same circle of friends . The friend whose house we were at came over to me . " Hey , go minx with Tim , " she said . " He ’s single right now . " I reminded her I wasnotsingle . " Yeah , but your man is 6,000 miles away , and all you do is fight , " she say . I could n’t argue with her logic , so I walked up to Tim and introduce myself . We talked for a twain minutes . I remember him being handsome and cultured . Nothing hail of that group meeting .
A year after , I had just graduated from college . I was individual and going on way too many punk dates . My best friend / roommate / soul sis was move indefinitely to Austria . I was about to be homeless , jobless , and had no theme what my next move was . I was also drinking a lot . One Nox , my friends and I decide to go see some springy music at a local bar . opine who was there ? Tim . I had n’t go out or thought about him in nearly a twelvemonth . I was feel pretty tiddly aka fearless , so I walked right up to him and said , " Hey ! Do you remember me ? We meet at Amber ’s barbecue . My name is Elena . "
Elena Wood/Thrillist
He turned to me and looked me up and down . " Hey ! " he say . " Yeah I remember you . Do you require to go on a day of the month with me ? "
Real courtship is way nicer than online dating
Fuck yes , I wanted to go on a date with him . I can not separate you how estimable it felt to be asked out in person . To my face . Not over a assemblage app or societal culture medium . So we commute figure .
A couple of weeks later on , on June 21st , we went on our first date . Tim bring me a bouquet of helianthus and took me to one of the sound restaurants in township . We had great conversation . We shared starter and entrees . On a whim , he purchased a $ 100 half - bottle of sweet wine-coloured ( I later find out he ’d been paid that day so he was trying to move me ) . We were at the restaurant for almost four hours . After the repast , we motor to Lake Tahoe so we could swim under the moon . It was close to midnight . After our dip in our underwear , we pose on the shore and realize several shooting stars in a subject of moment while dry off .
That shit was magical .
Elena Wood/Thrillist
We drive back to Reno , go to another stripe that was near to my house , and had a couple more drink . Tim walked me home around 3 am and kissed me goodnight .
" I ’ll call you shortly , " he say .
" No , you ’ll call me tomorrow , " I answer . " I do n’t recreate fuckin ' games . "
Elena Wood/Thrillist
Yep . I said that . I really like him . And I knew he really liked me .
The next day , I moved back into my mommy ’s home for the summer while I count on out my next move . After unpack , I call Tim . He was snap up a beer with a protagonist so I satisfy up with him . We got dinner party , walk around Downtown , then he showed me his place . I went home super tardily that dark because I had to nanny early on the next day .
Then we hang out the next sidereal day , and the next day . We were inseparable . We were n’t play hard to get .
After a week of dating, things got serious
Tim ask me to be his plus - one for a wedding . We both knew the duad getting wed , so it was n’t awkward . But I remember our friend at the wedding ceremony looking at us and thinking , They’re together now ? Huh ?
That night , he recount me he know me and that he was going to marry me . I tell him that he fuckin ' well .
Yep . I said that .
go to that hymeneals with him made it very clear to me that I was in dearest with him . And that I want to marry him , too . When I was around him I did n’t think about anyone else . I did n’t want to see at my telephone . When he was around , I did n’t believe about how the life I had have it away for the last four year was fall apart underneath me . Tim made me laugh . I feel secure .
I ’ve never really had a " eccentric . " Each guy I have dated has been very dissimilar from the last . I never really dated a guy that had similar interests as me , had similar way to mine , or that would be reckon " my type . " But there was one thing about Tim that really assume me : the people skirt him adored him . Even today , our mutual friends invariably enjoin me how nifty Tim is and how they look up to him .
Dads give the best marriage advice
" Elena , if you elope I will cut you a fat check . " My dad was a rattling gentleman , but he had terrible luck with woman . He was get married five times , to four unlike woman – one of whom was my female parent , whom he married and dissociate double . Well before his death when I was 17 he advance me to use any marriage money I received for a down requital on a sign , an extensive honeymoon , or for start my own business . Whatever the infernal region I wanted , really . He just did n’t see the value in bear a handsome , expensive marriage . And having grown up in Reno , an elopement was n’t out of the average .
Planning give me so much anxiety . And I did n’t really have the mean value to pay for a big nuptials , at any rate . And it was n’t something I was willing to put myself and my next husband into debt over . Tim and I , unapologetic in our infatuation , lie with we wanted to get married . But when ?
One night we were out with some friends . We were look yearningly into each other ’s eyes , whispering sweet nothings , and swap spittle . " Will you guy rope just get married already ? " a friend ask . It seemed like a good idea . We endeavor to elope at 2 am that night , but the wedding chapel was close .
The “honeymoon” phase for 20-somethings doesn’t last long
In your 20s , you get comfortable quickly .
Once you ’re comfortable , you ’re blase . So you oppose with each other to keep things interesting . You go on jailbreak , then make up . You say hurtful SOB , then apologize . You wander or get chisel on . You forgive . You ’re then in a constant big businessman struggle for the upper deal in the relationship . You make up one’s mind to stay together because the thought process of start over with someone newfangled is inconvenient .
You lie with that you are not correct for each other and you ’re waste your prison term .
Some the great unwashed decide to get marry after having been through all of these thing while dating . They go for that getting married will somehow relieve their broken relationship . Sometimes it does . But most often , it does n’t . Tim and I did n’t want all of this to encounter to us . So we question : why not get tie now , during the " honeymoon phase " of our human relationship ? Why not make the honeymoon phase the foundation for our marriage ?
( This was easy for us to adjudicate because we both feel the same room about one another . I do n’t retrieve you should persuade someone to hook up with you in three workweek if the feelings are n’t completely reciprocal . )
Tim ’s parent are still matrimonial . He grew up in a stable , pocket-sized home , and he has a wonderful family unit . He had consistency develop up . I loved being with a man who grew up the manner I like I had . It also help that our values were perfectly aligned . I trusted him with my philia .
Three weeks in, we eloped
Tim and I texted our closest friend on the morning of Sunday , July 13th , 2014 . We told them to meet us at the Chapel of the Bells in Reno at 7 pm .
After our 2.5 - minute wedding ceremony and $ 200 spent on the matrimony certificate and chapel fee , our friends join us for takeout and a few drinks at our favorite legal profession . Then we mother our marriage bands tattooed ( for spare by a friend ) and go home . It was beautiful , childlike , and emphasis - free .
I moved in with Tim right after we got hitched … and think what ? We still wish each other ! We have been married almost two year now .
For a long sentence , Tim and I did n’t fight down at all . We fought so petty that it almost feel insalubrious . Now we squabble , cry , get harebrained , and yell . But we always work through it – and quickly . The coolheaded thing about our married couple is that it still feels like we are in the honeymoon phase , which I ascribe to the precedent we set early on .
Divorce is n’t an option for Tim . It ’s not an selection for me , either . Mostly because we ’re both stubborn dickhead – but also because I promised myself a long meter ago that I would get get married once and only once . I need to give my children what I never had arise up : worked up constancy , consistency , and parent who love and respect one another .
There’s no one right way to get married
Tim did n’t propose to me on one knee during a trip-up to the coast . We did n’t date for the prescribed two years . We did n’t have a retentive betrothal full of planning and stress so as to throw a lavish wedding for a node leaning that is altogether too crowing . We did n’t have a two - week honeymoon to a tropic island . We did n’t have a registry , receive thousands of dollars , monogrammed towels , or tongue set .
If that ’s how your marriage worked , then that ’s great ! I desire it was stark and beautiful in every way . But society makes us trust that this is the only means to get married . And at times , society has glower upon Tim and me for having done it so differently .
We knew some people would be judgmental of our choices about getting marry the way we did , as quickly as we did . We eff there would be bets made on how long we would last . We knew people would think we were absolutely screwball . We did n’t care . And we still do n’t .
Today , Tim and I have a kick - prat marriage . We ’ve get two painfully lovely cats , a beautiful home that we have made together , and each other . We laugh constantly . And we shinny every day . But we also love each other immeasurably .
Granted , this story would be all unlike if I married a hombre I sort of , sorta know and he turned out to kinda , sorta be a psychopath . Tim is not . My husband is the shit . He is a wondrous man . And what I ’ve learned is this : if you have a go at it someone and want to spend the relief of your life with them , tell them . Even if man and wife is n’t for you . secernate them how you feel . Tell them they ’re " it " for you .
Do n’t be afraid . If you want to wed someone , then marry the nooky out of them and do n’t justify for it . It ’s your living .
You do n’t need to do what society expects of you in fiat to have a long-lived , goodly marriage or family relationship . You have absolutely nothing to shew . Listen to that catgut . If weddings stress you out , elope . If you do n’t care snowy , here ’s an estimation : bear fucking yellow .
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Elena ( pronounced Uh - Len - Uh , not Ee - Lay - Nuh ) was born and raised in Reno . She has a bachelor-at-arms ’s degree in Spanish literature and rendering , and mold for Patagonia . She enjoy yoga , run , knead her kale with lemon and olive oil color , kissing her husband , and watch her two cats play with her hair crosstie for minute . Check her out onMedium , Instagram , andFacebook .
