wise to astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tysondescribes a black holeas " a gob in the three - dimensional material of space . " you’re able to fall into it from any direction , and once you ’re in , you do n’t come out . Well , I have precipitate very far and very hard into a cultural bootleg hole , and I can not come up the light . I ’ve never see a single bit ofGame of Thrones .
How did this happen ? Why am I willingly deny myself this introductory HBO endorser ’s right and the partake in ethnical experience that comes with it ? What is my problem ? Please admit me to explain .
There are so many show to flirt with these days that if you choose to skip over one , repercussions are minor . Sit out onHouse of Cardsand , oh , well , everyone ’s already on toUnbreakable Kimmy Schmidt . No big whoop – unless the show arrive at what I call " streamroller " status . That ’s when a show has passed its tipping stop and begins oppressively and relentlessly rolling over everything in its path . Viewers become fanatics . The New York Timespublishes episode recaps . People read about the headliner ' personal lives in , well , People .
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If you ’re watching a streamrolling series , this collective enjoyment is like being ask for to a fantastic political party . But if you miss the first episode , the first time of year , the second … well , then you find yourself sit at abode eating frigid Trader Joe ’s macarons while everyone else is at the Met Gala .
I love being streamrolled by a goggle box series ! ButGame of Thronespremiered at a point when I could n’t tally another show to my inclination . ( We all have a list , correct ? ) During the first season , my carbon monoxide gas - worker Paula arrive on a Monday morning and said , with the fervor of a newly inducted rage member , " You MUST watchGame of Thrones . " Little did I know how those six words would haunt me . I ’d liken living in this strange house of cards to Matt Damon ’s experience on Mars , but – another confession – I did n’t seeThe Martian , either . So here ’s what it ’s actually like .
I’m all alone on Sunday nights
By now I ’ve learned not to even essay to get together with people on this Holy Day . All of my friends already have programme ; they ’re apparently dating multitude with unutterable names .
I can no longer read the internet
" Red Wedding . " " nude walkway of disgrace . " " Hodor . " After a big plot twist , the digital world ’s a jumble of noun and names for me , like produce frantic Libs answers without the tale . Recently , I readall about Hodordespite having no cue who he was . This is validation of how bear down our cultural guilt can become . I want to act the biz , yet I do n’t want to watch theGame . The sad part ? I ca n’t even savor the"WhatGame of Thronescharacters depend like in real life"slideshows . The befores and dessert are turn a loss on me .
I have no idea who’s famous anymore
My well of amusement knowledge is California - desert dry . I saw a poster ofMe Before Youand question who the young ingenue was . I hunt down into Peter Dinklage walking his dog in Brooklyn and internally squealed – not because he ’s … Tyrone ? Titian ? – because I sleep with him inThe Station Agent . I interpret that Natalie Dormer ran the London marathon in 3:51 and thought , " Wow , telling ! Who ’s Natalie Dormer ? " I find Nikolaj Coster - Waldau on a magazine cover and thought he was a mannikin . And I might as well block up watching the Emmys . Missing one measly show has made me culturally nescient .
My taste cannot be trusted
" Sorry , I do n’t watchGame of Thrones " is a bona fide conversation - Orcinus orca . My judgment is immediately called into doubt . " But have you seenGirlsthis season?Doll & Em?Togetherness ? " These are non - starters . All of these appearance seem identical toThrones , so it ’s puzzling that there ’s very little consultation crossover . Side banker’s bill : do people call itThrones ?
I’ve invented my ownThronesuniverse
Our brains fuck to make narration out of scraps . Now , I ’m not pretending to be more imaginative than George R. R. Martin ( is he British ? ) or David Benioff ( married to Amanda Peet , right ? ) , but I ’ve cobbled together storylines found on what I ’ve gleaned over the years . And in my mind , every instalment contains an orgy , an oration , a shocking decease , a Jesus - style resurrection , and possibly some incest ? In my edition , Dinklage ’s character ( Tyler ? Tanner ? WHAT IS HIS NAME ? ! ) is a stunner , Jon Snow is a sore , mop - haired heartthrob , and that light-haired woman rules with an iron clenched fist but bewilder into problem for her emails . Am I close ?
I’m overcome with hubris
After seasons of courteously stand off suggestions to watch over the show , I set ashore up an admittedly double-dyed sense of pride . I ’m invincible to peer pressure ! The feeling contribute me back to December 1997 , when I refused to seeTitanicjust because every other sixth - grader was raving about it . But since we ’re being viciously honest , all that pridefulness , both then and now , only masks my FOJI .
Fear of joining in
FOJI : the only acronym more ego - crippling than FOMO . Yes , it ’s socially impossible not to watch a democratic show . But even bad is watching and not " convey " it . What if I hateGoT ? ( potential . ) What if I ’m confused ? ( Inevitable . ) What if I fall gone ? ( Could bechance . ) Turns out I ’m not the only one afraid of committing . Search " Game of Thrones , " and Google ’s suggested result let in " how to explain biz of crapper to a beginner " and " trace secret plan of thrones in one sentence . "
At last: daring to watchGame of Thrones
Clearly , there ’s only one resolution to my self - bring down exile . ( I palpate like exiles are big inGoT … true or false ? ) Every young adult female must mature eventually – or at least be able to contribute to a cocktail conversation about who decapitated whom . And so I shall reluctantly tiptoe over to Westeros . accommodate the door , Games of Thronesfans . I ’m come through .
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