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Dear Auntie chiliad ,
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Two years ago , I began nonchalantly escort a guy for about four calendar month . One day , he ghosted me and fell off the nerve of the earth .
About a month ago , my best friend met a cat at a stripe who happened to be best friend and roommates with the guy who ghosted me . And last week , her new boo usher up to cope with us at a club … and brought my ex along .
My essence sink in my stomach , but I dally it cool and we were favorable to each other . About an hour by and by , we ended up hooking up . I went back to his place and slept over . The next day we aim up , kissed bye-bye , and I left .
I have n’t heard from him since .
Now that I ’ve been ghosted twice by the same guy , how should I handle seeing him around because of our mutual ally ?
Sincerely , disoriented
Dear Confused ,
Let me give you some outside perspective on this jerk .
First of all , the fact this soul ghosted you AT ALL says a luck about him . You dated him for four months ! It ’s not like it was two dates and he was like , “ Peace out , homegirl . ” To dip out without explanation after almost reaching a half - year mark with you is in earnest rude , hurtful , and immature .
If he was a guy deserving dating ( or deserving anything at all ) , he would have just called you or asked to encounter for coffee berry andsaid he was n’t feel it any longer . It stings to hear someone does n’t want to hang out with you anymore , but at least it gives you gag law . Whenyou leave someone hanging , it forces them to require hundreds of unanswerable questions about what could have happened .
What a selfish , disrespectful man - son .
Ghosting is a Sir Noel Pierce Coward ’s direction out for people too chicken shit to deal their feelings . My surmisal is one oftwo things happened : he was over you , or he got overwhelmed by his feelings . His reaction to either was to go . Bottom line , though : the " why " DOES NOT MATTER . This is not a guy cable you need anything to do with . He merit to be banished to the Island of Fuckboys .
Now , for part two of this mess .
How ironic that your supporter would initiate date a ghoster ’s bestie / roommate . Just drop dead to show how the universe loves to encounter the miserly tricks on us . Tough dear here , babe ! You really should n’t be surprised that he ghosted on you again because he already did that before when you dated for FOUR MONTHS . You just had a one - night stand with a man who had already shown you how little he respect you .
A “ what if ? ” is the kiss of death in dating .
Think about it . You were at a club , you were all pledge ( I ’m guessing ) and you did n’t tell him to go fuck himself . You were skillful to him . Your reaction to seeing him gave him the feeling everything was cool between you two . In his mind he ’s mean , “ Oh , dope . This girl likes me , is n’t mad at me and is correctly here . I ’m pass to go for it . ” Classic .
aboveboard , do n’t puzzle yourself up about hooking up with him . He ’s cute , you really liked him and he entrust you with so many unrequited questions about your former tryst . A “ what if ? ” is the candy kiss of death in dating .
This was never going to cease well . You already had all the information to concludethis man would not dead be wonderful to you . I love it ’s easy to get wrapped up and think , “ Maybe he ’s change ! Maybe it will work out this clock time ! Maybe the universe bring him to me in this club because we have bare line of work ! Maybe he even came here tonight because his roomy differentiate him I ’d be here ! ”
We all think like this ( thanks a band , every rom - com on the satellite ) , but real life-time does n’t figure out like this . He was just horny , he knew you were into him , and he capitalise on an opportunity . As far as he ’s concerned , it ’s over now . He amaze what he wanted .
When people actually do the workplace to make changes in their lives and how they handle people , they put attempt out into the universe in newly conscious , meaningful agency . We do n’t airily run into people at nightclub and screw around with them . That ’s not mindful evolution . That ’s this guy acting just like had has in the past times .
Now , about the inevitable awkwardness of you continuing to prevail into him for as long as your supporter is dating his bestie : take the high route . I ’m not saying you should talk to him , embrace him , or bro down . He get no more of your get-up-and-go from here on out , OK ? That means no positive energy , and no damaging energy either . You do not demand to be texting him , trounce him in public , or make a scene .
He was just corneous , he knew you were into him , and he went for it .
Just make believe he does n’t exist . Be an ice pouf . If you may debar being in the same place , do so . But if you ’re at the same position , stay away from him . YOU DON’T sleep with HIM . Find another guy at the nightspot to mash with . The last affair you should do is be favorable to him . He does n’t merit that . He does n’t merit even having your friendship after treating you like grunge under his horseshoe .
It will credibly be a flake inept at first , but you ’re agrown ass woman who can address it . Bring another friend along to be your wingwoman . Have fun . Do NOT focus on this loser . All he wants to do is get laid you … and then get laid you over . Again .
Love your favorite internet auntie , XOXO Gigi
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