receive toIn Bed with Gigi Engle , a hebdomadary column in which sex and family relationship writer Gigi Engle answers your most intimate questions . Nothing is off - limits ! From threesomes to anal retentive , unanswered love to cheating : we want to learn it all .
For questions on human relationship , sex , or anything else , email Gigi atAskGigi@thrillist.com .
Hi Gigi ,
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
I have been in a attached human relationship for three old age . In the last 12 months my boyfriend has gone on antidepressant , rendering his already - low gender drive nonexistent . Masturbating is providing minimal alleviation , since I ’m mostly overwhelmed by an uncomfortable feeling not unlike being crushed by a gearing and give up in the gut . I ’m finding this full experience humiliating and tiring .
My boyfriend gave me permit tohave sexual practice with other men ; but after two such experiences , he said he felt too hurt by it to allow it any longer . That exasperated the job , making me feel even worse since that was n’t the resolution I sought in the first place .
I will take anyadviceyou have to offer for dealing with this issue . I am driving myself harebrained .
M
Hey M ,
Being a highly sexual woman is a grace and a condemnation , believe me .
Your position is especially thought-provoking because it ’s just not the norm presented in guild . woman who require sex activity more than their partners seem unnatural ; like it ’s wrong for you to have the desires you have .
But take heed to me : A zest for sex and sexual expression is PERFECTLY NORMAL ! This is nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about . I lie with it ’s easier said than done , but the more intimate women you surround yourself with , the more normal and comfortable it find . Hang out with people who get what you ’re about .
Sex is about as vulnerable a thing as there is . You ’re nude , you ’re put yourself out there … and to be rejected when you ’re in that military position will really mess with your self - respect . Facing that wearying battle , over and over again , can and will wear you down . It sucks to feel undesirable .
I guess it was pretty noble and altruistic that your boyfriend permit you get what you need elsewhere . Sometimes , it really is the only resolution when your partner is n’t capable to satisfy you and does n’t know what else to do . That being enunciate , I can understand why it only happened twice . There is a swelled difference of opinion between havinga real unfastened relationshipbecause the two of you want to explore other avenue of sexuality , and countenance your partner have gender with another guy cable because you feel so short .
At the end of the day , sex with a vibrator ( or person who is n’t your boyfriend ) can not mend a lack of intimate intimacy with your pardner .
green-eyed monster is a material thing , and so is injure . I ’m confident he ’s feeling a whole lot of both . He ’s also likely overwhelmed with guilty conscience for not being able to give you what you need . And the only affair those smell are going to do is refine the offspring at hired hand .
With all of this in mind , let ’s verbalize potential solutions – or , at least ways to make this sufferable .
It would be a shame to have go of someone you really have it away because of a difference in sexual desire . There are TONS of ways to experience sexuality alfresco of straight - up sexual relation . I think you should do everything you could to bridge the spread before calling it quit on the whole partnership .
We owe it to our partners to satisfy them midway in all aspects of our relationships , including sexual practice . So I suggest give birth your boyfriend prosecute in your masturbation sessions with you . antidepressant drug are a bitch – and if he needs to be on them , he needs to be on them . They can really mess up your sex drive ; but if being on the antidepressants is keeping him level and out of a really dark position , you have got to form around them .
Masturbating with a married person can be very sensual , if a bit unconventional . I ’m much more sexual than my boyfriend , and this is a resolution that really work out for us by make the minginess and intimacy I need without putting all the insistence on him to perform . Have your partner expend your vibrator on you rather of doing it yourself . Or , use it on yourself and have him prosecute in another way , like sucking your tanginess or giving you a massage .
The full stop is , you need the closeness and he need to be uncoerced to give you the closeness in any agency he can .
He ca n’t force himself to desire to have sex , but he can participate in the action with you to make certain you ’re well-chosen . If this does n’t work , the two of you should certainly seek couples counseling . blab out to someone as a couple can truly help you find real , feasible solution . You need to explore every avenue before throwing in the towel . That way you know you did everything you could .
Love your favorite internet aunt , XOXO Gigi
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