Welcome to In Bed with Gigi Engle , a hebdomadal column in which sex and relationships writer Gigi Engle answers your most intimate questions . Nothing is off - limitation ! From trio to anal , unrequited love to cheating : we want to hear it all .
For questions on kinship , sex activity , or anything else , email Gigi atAskGigi@thrillist.com . _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Auntie G!I’m kind of way-out in seam , but also in a newfangled human relationship . I sometimes occupy that if I get too sordid , my guy wo n’t respect me or imagine I ’m too whore - y. I do n’t need to err into sexual object territory . I feel like he wish it , but then is a little timid after . I ’m worried I ’m scaring him ! Advice ? – C
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Hey C !
I ’m not surprised you experience this way at all , girl . Women expend a lot of time either conforming or desperately fighting off societal pressure to be " good girl . " We get a mountain of conflicting selective information . On the one hand , you ’re told by Auntie Gigi , Cosmo , and other gender - pos media outlets to search your sexuality . Then , you ’re told by essentially everyone else that you have to accede to a sure saint if you want to be " marriage material " or " suitable of dating . "
And those " ideals " – the tropes in which our feminine identity have been entrenched – can make us experience uncomfortable about our own desires . Do n’t heed to this horse darn . PLEASE . Being a intimate creature who wants to get betwixt the sheets and try kinky - ass poppycock is HOT and NORMAL .
That aver , let ’s shoot the breeze about the importance of open communication in respectable relationships . A lilliputian lecture about sex is n’t going to scare a choice partner off . And if your Modern hiss thang is uncomfortable with some of the things you require to do in bed , he should be able to verbalize to you about that . It ’s really about the " why . " Why would he feel uncomfortable ?
I get your understanding in convey up thin-skinned matter with someone new . But a trusting kinship means being capable to search your sexual fantasies in a safe , non - judgmental place . You should never have to worry about your S.O. thinking you ’re a slut .
You have to ask yourself : is this all in my head ? Am I just see my personal insecurities onto my boyfriend ? Is he really uncomfortable ? Or am I just worried that he ’s uncomfortable ?
sing about it with your young man . You say he gets diffident after you bang – so ask him why . This is way better than psyching yourself out and possibly create problems where there are none . When you ’re cuddling or taking a walk just say , " Hey babe . I really want to talk to you about something . I do n’t require you to get abashed or feel unearthly . I just desire to have a really good and open conversation because I like about our relationship and your feelings are important to me . "
need him if the things you ’re trying are " too much . " It ’s OK if they are ! Not every individual is move to love some casual BDSM ( or whatever it is you ’re into ) . partnership are about make everyone comfortable and compromise , sexually or otherwise .
What is NOT OK is your young man daring to imagine less of you ( if he in reality does ) .
So , that ’s what you have to figure out first . If this guy in reality thinks you ’re a " whore " for liking perverted sexual activity , that says a lot more about him and his personal confidence than it does about you . If he ca n’t separate who you are as a person from who you are in seam , that ’s messed up . If he think proscribed sex is wrong , he ’s the one with the problem – specifically , military issue demand intimate repression . And frankly , you should n’t be with a guy like that . Your intimate preference and story have no weightiness on whether you are a honorable person or girlfriend fabric .
He should sense prosperous to have such a red-hot , adventuresome womanhood who loves him and enjoys trying new , fun , and new sexual effort . Who we are in layer is n’t always who we are in life . I ’m a full dom in the street and a submissive in the sheets . It ’s what I like and I ’m not apologize for it .
Sex is a place to research power kinetics , comfort levels , and pleasure in strange , interesting , and safe ways . I really do n’t need you to lose that playfulness . And you owe it to yourself to be with someone who is excited to share these experience with you .
My shot ? He probably has n’t been with a woman as dare as you . But that does n’t mean he ’s not altogether into your kinkiness , baby . So talk it out and get some clearness on his feelings .
sunshine to more kinky sex for you , and few incertitude about your man . I truly hope everything works out because we all merit a caring guy who adores our dom - queen mental attitude in bed ( or whoever you want to be ) .
make love your favorite internet auntie , Gigi xoxo
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