Welcome to In Bed with Gigi Engle , a weekly column in which sex activity and relationships writer Gigi Engle answer your most intimate enquiry . Nothing is off - limit point ! From threesomes to anal retentive , unreciprocated love life to cheating : We need to hear it all .
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Dear Auntie G ,
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
I met this guy wire online and we right away stumble it off . We experience in different cities , but he was coming to mine in a few months so we planned to meet up .
I had 2nd cerebration about meet him ; so when he come to town , I was waiting for him to convince me . But instead , he enunciate it was OK if I could n’t . We ended up not seeing each other . I feel bad about that , and figure it would be the last clip I ’d hear from him .
But as soon as he got back home , he messaged me saying he was sad we had n’t been able to see each other . Since then , we ’ve exchanged messages here and there . Nothing mysterious , but our conversation are always pleasant and enjoyable . I care him , but maybe he spill the beans to me only when he ’s world-weary . I ca n’t figure him out . Should I continue talking to him ? I ’m expire to be in his city shortly and do n’t know if I should see him . aid !
erotic love , Dazed & Confused
Dear Dazed & Confused ,
Going from online to fit someone in substantial life is heart - racking – even if online geological dating is the new normal . You meet someone on an app or site , talk about everything , and then when it comes metre to meet you ca n’t facilitate asking yourself interrogative sentence like , Is this bozo a serial killer ? What if he look nothing like his image ? What if he likes the online rendering of me better than the tangible - life interlingual rendition of me ?
We ’ve all been there . It ’s a mint easy to be cool , calm , and witty when you have time to actually consider and write out your responses . Having to emulate that same stage of hilariousness in real life is a challenge . It ’s enough for any of us to chuck the whole date entirely and make that prognosis in the bin .
It ’s a lot comfortable to be cool , calm , and witty when you have time to actually think and write out your responses .
The fact that he was coming from out of town made the stake that much higher . It was your " one chance " to really make it chance . To be true , I ca n’t say I would have gone through with it either . It sounds like you ’re an over - creative thinker like me . It ’s easier to just NOT . Was that the right choice ? Maybe you regret it in retrospect ; but you should n’t be going to meet a unknown anywhere unless you feel totally comfortable with it . I ’d say you just were n’t quick .
Let ’s get real . Where was this really going to go , anyway ? You do n’t be in the same city . What actual potential does this kinship even have ?
I think you have to be realistic here . That upshot is extremely unlikely . I ’m not saying people do n’t fall in love over the waves of cyberspace and live happily ever after . It can happen . But given your varsity letter , a passionateNotebook - style love story is not homeboy ’s intention . He did n’t even put in the feat to see you when he was in town .
You expect if he ’s chatting you up because he ’s bored , and I would say that ’s exactly what ’s happen . He knows you ’re available and lonely , so when he ’s available and lone , he can run into you up . He ’s not really serious about you , girl – you even openly admit your conversation do n’t have a lot of depth to them .
Let ’s get existent . Where was this really drop dead to go , anyway ?
sound to me like you ’re project a illusion on this guy because YOU are world-weary and want love . There ’s nothing untimely with that . He ’s far away and it ’s easy to make someone you ’ve never met into the piece of your dreams .
The trouble is that he ’s go to disappoint you . He has n’t even shown a lot of stake in you ; or at least , not enough to get mad about . If you do decide to meet in person , get yourself some realistic expectations .
There are two possible outcomes in this position : 1 ) He is going to be a freehanded let - down , end up being flaky and unreliable , or just not as fun as you thought . That will make you mad and kind of heartbroken because you ’ll palpate like you emaciate your time . 2 ) He ’ll weave up being great and it wo n’t be able to wrench into anything because YOU DON’T LIVE IN THE SAME PLACE .
Do n’t enclose yourself up in this illusion or you ’ll nose up neglect the veridical affair .
If I were you , I ’d just take this for what it is : a loneliness bandage for both of you . Do n’t enclose yourself up in this fantasy or you ’ll wrap up pretermit the material thing when a cat who in reality last in your hometown wants to be your boyfriend . If you ca n’t allow go of the fantasy , do n’t verbalise to this guy anymore . He sound pretty introductory , anyway .
Love your favorite cyberspace auntie , XOXO Gigi
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