Welcome to In Bed with Gigi Engle , a weekly tower in which sex and family relationship author Gigi Engle answers your most intimate questions . Nothing is off - limit ! From threesomes to anal retentive , unrequited love to cheat : We require to learn it all .
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Dear Gigi ,
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
A good champion of mine was go out with a girl for four years . One nighttime toward the end of their relationship , we were all at my place and she started flirting with me . I reciprocated – and feel a very firm attraction to her . My friend break things off with her presently after for unrelated reasons , but has a destiny of rue for ending affair between them .
Since they ’ve been apart , she ’s stayed in touch sensation with me . We text and talk occasionally , and one night she came over to my home at 2 am after being out drinking . We hung out for a while ( just flirting and chatting ) and she ended up fall benumbed in my living elbow room .
Two nights subsequently , I was hanging out with her at a bar and ask in her to a buddy ’s position for a few beers . She and I stayed up all dark talk , and then she involve me to take the air her house . I was judge to resist make a move on her , but I lost all noetic thinking . As we kissed , she observe say thing like , " We should n’t be doing this . "
Two day later , she told my friend about it . Of naturally , he ’s tempestuous and wo n’t talk to me . She and I have n’t talk , either . I feel fairly lose in all this . I think she likes me , but I do n’t want to be some rebound hookup or in the ally geographical zone . Should I approach her?– S
Hey S ,
It ’s always a hard place when you’reinto your friend ’s ex-wife . On one hand , he plunge her . On the other handwriting , he ’s your ally and you do n’t desire to mess up with that .
Ignoring for a bit the absolute mess you ’ve created by soak up with his X of your own volition , here ’s the bottom line : This girl is definitely using you to get back at ( or back together with ) her ex . If she really like you , she would n’t have told him about you take a move . She WANTED him to know and to get unbalanced .
Also , it ’s important to note that both timesshe showed sake in you , she ’d been drink in . That ’s a awfully manipulative matter to do . She travel out , drinks and parties , and then is like , " Oh , S is into me . I would have it away some tending . I ’m expire to hit him up because I screw he really likes me . "
I know this secret plan – I ’ve wager it many , many times . She ’s hurt from her breakup . You ’re her ex ’s friend and you ’re really attracted to her . You are the perfect individual to urinate him off . You are being put through the ringer here . But take heed to me : THIS ISN’T GOING ANYWHERE adept .
If this were a real attraction with literal feelings , you would n’t require your supporter ’s permission to date his ex . He ended the relationship , and they ’re both technically free agent now . No one gets to lie title on other human beings . Now , you absolutely should have blend in to your acquaintance first to tell him you were interested in her . It ’s about regard . He ’s your champion and doing something behind his back was absolutely unelaborated . If I were him , I ’d be angry too .
Also , if her flavor for you were logical she would not be saying thing like , " We should n’t be doing this , " or " Do n’t separate multitude that , " and then going around spout off about it . This cleaning woman is n’t trusty , and she has no interest in protect your feelings . At all .
So , first thing you need to do is go to your booster and apologize for being deceitful . narrate him the truth . You have feelings for this girl . And you ’re rupture between caring about your friend ’s feelings and want to see what could be with this womanhood .
If he gets even tempestuous , you have a decision to make – one that ends with your friendship , or with the possibility of this woman . Are you prepared to do that ? Think long and hard about that before you move forward . Please keep in judgment that I do n’t think this miss actually wants to date you . If she did , she would n’t plunge in at 2 am . And she would have been all over you when you tried to surcharge up with her instead of acting like she was doing something ill-timed .
After you talk to your friend ( AFTER ! ) , contact her and say you ’d care to blab out .
If she fit to do that ( somber , and preferably by the light source of solar day ) , be very lineal with her . Ask item - blank if she ’s concerned in you . If she ca n’t say with certainty that she is , she is n’t . If she acts cagey and is all , " Oh , I do n’t have it off , it ’s all so confusing ” or " I ’m just really messed up flop now and necessitate sentence to figure things out , " she is n’t . If she turns things around on you , she is n’t .
Because when we care citizenry , we show it . Attraction is n’t subtle . So stay clear , and do n’t permit some free energy succubus screw around with the relationship that really matter – like the one you have with your booster . No cleaning lady deserving your time would ever put you through that .
sleep with your favorite internet auntie , XOXO Gigi
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