At the 2016 " CinemaCon , " a typical workplace convening for Hollywood executives , director James Cameronannouncedhe’d be making four continuation ( four ! ) to the extremely profitable , technologically resonantAvatar . Some quipped , others questioned : is there even an consultation for these picture show ? Sure , it made over $ 2 billion worldwide and remains the highest - gross movie of all clock time , but do hoi polloi still think back it ? Give a damn ?

I trusted as hell do . Avataris a grand blend of action and science fabrication , still looks pristine , and , even though it isn’tthatold , brings me back to a extra meter in my life . Hype reached maximal levels in the week leading up to the movie ’s waiver , but my excitement deal an even closer adherence than most .   To speak plainly : James Cameron’sAvataronce made me shit myself .

The yr was 2009 – a lifetime ago in cyberspace years . I was making my finger cymbals , working as editor program for a flake - facing website that does n’t live anymore , run militantly by the neat editor in chief - in - chieftain , a lad we ’ll call Ed . His management way involved pummeling the staff with Hulk Hands , fool us with Nerf dart , and at times screaming , " Just get it done ! " It was antic , serious work .   The pressure was always on for us to get the big story , and the adult narration at that clip wasAvatar , James Cameron ’s 10 - in - the - making epic .

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If you could call up , there was fear back then about Cameron even delivering the damn movie in time . He was reinventing the linguistic communication of film , we were told , with his allegedly photo - real , computerized landscapes , motion - capture innovations , and young 3 - D organization . He was work around the clock , barking orders like General Patton , and the idea that I could land 10 minutes of his time , one - on - one , was absurd . But if I want to keep my job , I need to talk nerdy with the King of the World . And I needed to get to him before our contest .

The clock was mark , andAvatarmania was at a feverishness slant . It was aWizard of Oz - like moment , a milestone for moviemaking . Under Ed ’s watch , I haunt over " unobtanium " and the living planet Pandora . I spoke to anyone affect with the movie , from the creator of the Na’vi voice communication to the dude who says " your literal leg . " People interpret it . I pen more . The windowpane for landing my big consultation narrowed . And then I sire the call .

On a Saturday , a few hebdomad beforeAvatar ’s   release , my advocate at the studio apartment would put Cameron on the sound with me after a day of meetings . And I ’d be fain to take the call from home . Easy .

This is where it becomes important to recollect it ’s 2009 . For me to record a phone call for eventual transcription , I had to deplume a Linda Tripp and attach a slight thingamajig from Radio Shack onto my ( cough ) country line phone . Or I would have if I had a New phone – mine was vintage . For whatever reason , I could n’t record off of it . Not a problem . In times of special need , I would drag in out an enormous late-’80s fax machine that outfit my vertical flute . Because the fax machine has a short , specific earphone diddlysquat , I could only plug it in on the very far oddment of my healthy railway system apartment . Keep this image in mind .

AvatarSaturday issue forth . I ’ve got a stack of insightful questions quick to go . James Cameron would call at   noon , then my seven or eight minute would start . Every second reckon . I waitress and run through my questions . I hold back some more . Then noon   pass . No Cameron .

At   12:30pm , I send an email . At   12:45 , his animal trainer responds . " He ’s tied up , we ’re calling soon , flow in there . "

Now it ’s   1 post-mortem examination . Now it ’s   1:30pm . Another electronic mail : " Any moment . " Now it ’s   2 pm . Now it ’s , ugh , it ’s   2:26 .

I ’m pacing , I ’m sweaty , I ’m excited . Ed Es - mails , postulate about the call . He promised his boss that we would cut down a immense bomb this weekend . I ’m pace more . More clock time passes , and I find something in my tum . A few more minutes , and I can no longer ignore my digestive organization . I want to void my bowels .

I ca n’t do this now , that ’s ridiculous , James Cameron is about to take time forth from transforming celluloid to call me – ME – right here at home , on my antiquated fax machine with my Linda Tripp registrar fond regard .

It ’s   2:51 . It ’s   3:06 . Any minute , any second . It ’s   3:29 . Oh God , I ’m gon na blow . I bugger off ta go . I ’m gon na run to the bathroom , respond to the call of nature as quickly as humanly potential , and take to the woods back across the flat to give the greatest audience in the account of amusement journalism .

I cannonball along to the can , drop my trousers around my articulatio talocruralis , sit on the stadium , and just as I am about to commence the bit : BRRRRRRRRRNNNNNGGGGGGGGG !

Say what you will about Cameron – he ’s got a knack with timing .

A sane military man would not get up for the headphone , but you need to realise the mind - band . You need to understand what work out for a genius inducement who hurl rubber axes post with the latestScorpion Kinglogo can do to a person . You need to understand the lunacy that wasAvatarin December of 2009 . This was either going to make or end my career .

My brain sent the signal to whichever muscle in my broken realm could retract the waste exiting my body , and I raced toward the telephone set . There ’s no clip to pluck up my drawers . I scuffle like a 4 - twelvemonth - old through my kitchen , shouting , " WAIT ! WAIT ! "

It ’s at this point where , as if cued by a thousand plug horror directors , my quat decides to dart out in front of me . Goober , my beloved felid , has always been very playful , and loves to rebound around at my foot . But with Cameron calling , I ’m racing at full speed with my pants at my ankles . Goober runs in front of me and I terminate unforesightful , topple over , fall in to the linoleum , and , to add up to the indignity , loosen my muscle and spray the apartment like the natural spring at the Bellagio . It ’s the broken I ’ve ever been .

After a lightning round academic term with every cleaning product in the house , I come back to the fax automobile . It antecede caller-out ID , and * 69 does n’t work on . I check my e-mail . " expect like we missed you ! We ’ll try during the week . "

I finally do speak to Cameron , calmly , from the office . I get a juicy quote out of him , a hostile disstoward tie - in novelist Alan Dean Foster , which interest about 16 people , include my political boss . I do not break the cyberspace . The woman who went to bat for me leaves the studio and disappears off the face of the Earth . And in time , people stop talking aboutAvatar , start plain about 3 - vitamin D , and finally start mock the dumb Smurfs in Space film .

But there was that one weekend , though . One weekend whenAvatarreally was the diddly . I ’m quick for four more .

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