New Orleans is a wonderful stead to live , but it ’s not without its downside . There ’s the heating plant and humidity , of course ; the offense rate can be a little scary ; people are being forced out of their apartments because of Airbnb ; it ’s hard to find a dependable beigel here ; and we ca n’t seem to outgrow that whole punk " boobs for beads " repute that keeps rear its ugly forefront every year in the French Quarter during Carnival season ( or , you know , Thursday ) … amongst other things . That suppose , there are some trouble that you simply do n’t have to cover with if you live in the Crescent City . If you require to sense well about being here , take heed – here are some annoying phenomena that you do n’t have to worry about if you call the Big Easy household .
The concept of “last call”
In most cities , all the legal community close at a sure decimal point – as other as 2 or 4 am . Not here . And in other places , you ’re not legally allowed to purchase alcohol at certain times and on certain days . In some counties , you’re not legally allowed to purchase alcoholic beverage at all . This , my Northern friends , is asinine . There , I said it . Suffice it to say , if you want to drink all mean solar day and all night in New Orleans , the only thing stopping you is your own storey of inebriation . And if a saloon close , there are plenty more to serve you . Some bar , like Ms. Mae ’s , do n’t even close . Ever . Stick that in your pipe and smoke it , New England .
Getting judged for your fashion choices
Fact : citizenry in New Orleans wear what they require to wear out , and they do n’t G.A.F. This was easily put recently by a notable local bartender , who told me : " I love that , walking the dog on a sultry nighttime , I can fundamentally be defenseless and no one care . On the impudent side , we can ‘ Ladies Lunch ’ dressed to the nines , the ' XX , and beyond , and only tourists need what the limited occasion is . We had a bunch of peeress in the bar in girdle and wigs , and when a guest asked why , I just shrugged and said , ‘ It ’s Tuesday ? ’ "
A stagnant restaurant scene
NOLA has always been a restaurant city , but these years , new eating place seem to be popping up all over townsfolk , growing in nearly every neighborhood like kudzu vine . The NOLA eating house scenery is totally on fire , as evidenced by late James Beard win by chefs Justin Devillier of La Petite Grocery and Balise ( Best Chef : South ) , and of course , Alon Shaya ( Best New Restaurant : Shaya ) .
Stiff crowds at shows
In many other American cities – particularly on the upper East Coast – medicine lover will go to legion show , often featuring dance orchestra or performers that they adore , and just … stand there . They do n’t move , unless it ’s to bob their heads ever so slenderly , for fearfulness of being judged by their fellow audience members . New Orleanians find this posture both blemished and depressing . Shows down here are mean for dancing , and we treat them as such : if you ’re not moving and grooving at a show in NOLA – specially if it ’s one of our myriad amazing local acts – we might recollect that there must be something incorrect with you , or at least that you ’re somewhat tightly wound . How ’s that for judgment ?
Uninteresting local politicians
Say what you will about the people who hold office staff here – many of whom tend to wreathe up in the clink , sentence and clock time again – at least they ’re amusing . Hey , if you ’re going to have corrupt politicians and a broken metropolis government , you might as well make a show out of it , right ? face your path , Edwin Edwards .
Lame parades
Have you seen what other metropolis call a " parade ? " It ’s shameful . Scheol , they do n’t even throw stuff ! Not pearl , not doubloons , not kale , not lavatory theme , flee swatters , coconuts , high - heeled shoes , bouncy balls , light - up headbands … nothing ! People just resist and watch , and ca n’t even drink , for good ' sake . In other urban center , a flatbed truck with the chicken telegram filled with tissue newspaper publisher is an satisfactory parade swim bladder . Really . And their marching bands and dance team are … not that great . They demand some swagger , a little swing – they ’ve got nothing that can even come near to the St. Aug Purple Knights and the 610 Stompers .
Under-sized, under-sauced entrees
The thought of yield upwards of $ 40 for half a Pisces fillet with a miniscule drizzling of sauce is enough to make most New Orleans lifers turn crimson with craze and demand an explanation from direction . That plenty do n’t fly here . If you prescribe a musical composition of fish , it ’s going to be a BIG while of fish , and they ’ll never skimp on the sauce … specially if you dictate the amandine or meuniere at a place like Mandina ’s in Mid - City .
Monochromatism
You do n’t have to be on a wild Hunter S. Thompson - style trip to see every color of the seeable Inner Light spectrum in New Orleans ; it ’s all right there for the visual banqueting . From the colorful shotgun houses of the Marigny to the emerald & crimson of the streetcars , morning luminance peeking through the lively oaks in City Park , and spectacular sunsets over the skyline escort from the Algiers Ferry , and everything in between , NOLA is nothing if not a coloured place .
Long commutes
Here ’s another fact : even if you live in the astuteness of suburban area , it still wo n’t take you more than about 30 minutes to commute to your job if you function Downtown . Traffic is n’t the best around here , but all a New Orleanian postulate to do is suffer a daily commute in Dallas or LA to clear just how good we ’ve got it .
Sad produce
When people reckon of New Orleans cuisine , they rightfully recall of seafood . But shrimp , oysters , crawfish , and crabs do not and should not exist in a vacuum . Between the sweet corn , Creole tomato , mirlitons , okra , cauliflower , honeyed potatoes , and dozens of other veg grown by local farm , our bounty is far from limited to the fruits of the sea . Hence , we do n’t stomach by granular wintertime tomatoes or lugubrious onions . Just ask Mr. Okra .
Scary basements
Yeah , that whole " below ocean level " phenomenon comes into caper here . No digging underground = no basements , unless your house is raised , with the primary story on the second level … but that ’s just semantics . Hence , noHome Alonemoments wherein we ’d have to face up an evil , maybe Satan - possess furnace in the coloured , flighty basement .
Difficulty booking a solid wedding band
We have so much musical endowment in New Orleans , and many of the city ’s good outfit will entirely play your wedding . So if you ’ve dreamed about having Kermit Ruffins , the Nevilles , Deacon John , or Big Sam take your reception music to the next story , you’re able to make that a reality here . It will spoil you for wedding music , and make you deplorable for that lone DJ at your next relative ’s nuptials in Tulsa or New Jersey or Fort Lauderdale or wherever .
Dealing with inclines and declines
The first time a New Orleanian decides to take a morning jog in another city and meet even a intermediate - score hill , it ’s like climbing to the top of the freaking Himalayas . And if you ’re riding a cycle here , you almost never require to switch gears … not to mention drive a standard transmission automobile and having to go up or down an ramp / decline from a bushed stop , which is just terrific . It ’s flat as a board in NOLA , and that ’s the way we care it .
… and relatedly, altitude sickness
This urban center is n’t just flat , and it is n’t just low … it ’s actuallybelowsea level . When first chew the fat the Rocky Mountains in Colorado , I got the most terrible nosebleeds , headaches , and shortness of breathing space . I mean , it ’s beautiful and everything , but we ’ll keep thing depleted and slow down here , thank you very much .
Getting ticketed by police for public consumption of alcohol
Confession : this happened to me in New York , because I am a New Orleanian , and I did n’t realize that drinking a beer outside in a public park was penal by jurisprudence . It also happened to my parents , in a common in Richmond , Virginia , long before I was abide . It took a fine and several court of law dates just to keep from make a warrant out for my arrest in the commonwealth of New York . These laws are silly and stupefied , and I ’ll go to my tomb thinking so . Just in case you blank out , drinking outside is perfectly sound in NOLA , so long as you ’re not drinking from a glass bottle . Hence the go - loving cup .
Being in a big goddamn hurry
The pace of New Orleans ai n’t exactly a fast one , and that ’s how we like it . This utilise not just to the movement of pedestrians and dealings , but also just the oecumenical nature of the place and its people . If you want a " go - go - go " city , you ’re not going to regain it down here . Keep moving , Yankee , keep moving .
Only getting to wear costumes on Halloween
costume are n’t confined to just Mardi Gras and Halloween in the Big Easy . As with fantastic live music , you do n’t have to search very hard to discover an opportunity to bust out your right costume gear , whether it ’s aPulp Fiction / Star Warsburlesque show , a charity BBQ cookoff , or a Carnival ball .
Bland cuisine
Everyone outside of NOLA thinks that cajun and/or Creole food is make out for being hot . Well , it is and it is n’t . While youcanfind bobble - your - knife - off spicy culinary art here , what people really imply when they talk about New Orleans food for thought being " spicy " is that it ’s really just well - seasoned . We employ plenty of cayenne and other hot peppers , but more often than not in balance with the rest period of the dishful … food without a upstanding seasoning base is very much frowned upon in the 504 .
Trouble finding a helping hand or directions
People help other people here ; there ’s a real sense of community of interests in this town . If you ’re in pauperization of aid with some home mend , click - seance , or even just a ride to work on if your car breaks down , you have a better opportunity of finding someone to lend you a hand here than elsewhere . And when it come to getting directions , you never have to vex , because longtime New Orleanians just adore give them . And they ’ll probably let you know all the good patch to eat along your path , while they ’re at it .
Cars, houses, and offices that lack air conditioning
The first time I went to California , my syndicate rented a sedan that had perfectly no A / C , and I freaked out . " Just launch the windows , " said a friend , and to any native New Orleanian this sounds absolutely derisory . In places like Boston , for illustration , a box fan is all you require , even in the depths of August . This is all out of the question in NOLA . Either you have A / light speed , or you are a stagnant person .
Pet unfriendliness
masses love creature in this townsfolk . You ’ll probably discover this by the many New Orleans pet that have popular Instagram accounts and Twitter feeds . There are plenty of dog- and cat - favorable bar and shops , not to name the various locals who own everything from python to pig as family companions . And do you know how many hoi polloi here get all bent out of shape by this fact ? Pretty much nobody , that ’s who . It ai n’t like that everywhere .
Badly fried seafood
If you ’re a professional Captain Cook and you do n’t know how to dead electrocute an huitre , you ’re not run to be in a chore very long down here . Both chefs and buffet car know very closely what signalise good deep-fried seafood from filthy fried seafood , and if you serve the latter , people will know , and they will telleveryone . It is a point of serious pridefulness in these share , and never adopt gently .
Scraping ice off your windshield
Having lived in the Midwest and Northeast for a number of year , I can attest that this activity is the absolute bad . experience to de - frost your vehicle in the wintertime for get anywhere , just to have it stop dead over again that Nox … we also do n’t have to deal with other winter hazards like rash conditions , iced road , cars oxidizing because of salt thoroughfares … once in a profane moon , perhaps , but it ’s fundamentally look at a lusus naturae occurrence .
A dearth of interesting wildlife
Not every place has biodiversity like we do . Between the nutria , alligator , darning needle , spiders , snakes , caterpillars ( and eventual butterflies ) , termite swarm , fly cockroach , neighborhood peacock butterfly , savage hog , and feather friends of all grade insignia , you do n’t even have to go to the Audubon Zoo to hitch your fair portion of fascinating local fauna ( although you should , because it ’s fantastic ) .
Being landlocked
Something about watching the waves wash against the rock at the edge of the River or voyage across the lake during sundown is so utterly consoling and restful .
Difficulty locating a decent liver transplant specialist
People often find it uproariously appropriate that New Orleans would be home to the hospital rank first overall in liver transplants ( and that we ’d advertise this fact in the airport , of all places ) , but it ’s utterly honest . If you need one ( God forbid ) , steer to Ochsner Hospital . They’renumero uno in the liver transplant section .
Boredom
If you ever retrieve yourself in New Orleans uttering the words " I ’m blase , " then you absolutely have to be tire : that is the only explanation as to how anyone can be bored in a urban center with 4 million thing to do all the damn time . If anything , we support from overstimulation . Maybe that ’s why the population of this city is so nuts .
Olfactory blandness
If you do n’t like acrid aromas – for both good and ill – do n’t endure in the Crescent City . You ’ll get strong whiffs here of horse manure , hobo body odor , hot food waste , and what one local refers to as " the Uptown vomit smell , " but there ’s also Nox - blooming jasmine , magnolia , grass , and trees after a hard rain , coffee with chicory , fresh European olive tree , and so much more to love .
No good places to visit nearby
Think about it : in only three and a one-half minute , you’re able to be at one of the most beautiful beach on Earth . you could get to Gulf Shores or Orange Beach , Alabama , or Perdido Key , Florida in about the same sentence as it would take to watchGandhi . And lemme tell you , the Redneck Riviera is an amazing place , for a wide variety of reasons . It ’s fantastic , and just a quick route trip off when you need a little battery recharge .
Inability to get around by walking
It ’s not New York or Chicago , where you could get by only hinge upon public transfer . But that enunciate , New Orleans is a wonderfully walkable city , peculiarly if you ’re Downtown . Between the Warehouse District and Bywater , you ’ll be able to determine a million things to do , see , eat , and drink , all within walking distance . This is why not a few wealthy New Orleanians populate in the Garden District , or in carefully manicured Metairie subdivision , and also have apied a terrein the French Quarter . Ah , that ’s the dream , is n’t it ?
Difficulty finding decent, inexpensive cocktails and beer
When people here larn that the going rate for a single cocktail in places like Manhattan is upwards of 14 bucks , we shake off our heads in unbelief , then sadness . A martini during lunch at places like Commander ’s Palace , Cafe Adelaide , and Antoine ’s is still a walloping $ 0.25 . Yup , a one-quarter . Have two … inferno , have three ! And then think about those poor suckers in New York blowing out the bank for a mediocre Old Fashioned .
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Flickr/Peter Clark
Flickr/Bart Everson
Shaya|Stephen Young/Courtesy of Shaya
Flickr/Darrell Miller
The 610 Stompers|Flickr/Derek Bridges
FiledImage/Shutterstock
Flickr/Bart Everson
Riverwalk|Flickr/Daniel Hart
Flickr/Thomas Hawk
Flickr/Gerald McCollum
Flickr/Jocelyn & Cathy
Tracey’s Bar|Courtesy of Tracey’s Bar
Flickr/Amy the Nurse
Flickr/Pieter Morlion
Gulf Shores, AL|Flickr/faungg’s photos
Commander’s Palace|Flickr/Krista (edited)
