There is no disgrace like circumstantially queueing up a tool pic on your phone in front of a co - prole . None .
And what are you suppose to do when that bump ? I ’m asking because I still do n’t bonk the answer . Quit ? Suicide ? Either seemed like a fair option in the moment . This was theIT guy at my office . Looking at a dick photograph . On my earphone . Keep your pants on and carry on reading for the extended , completely uncut edition of the story .
My day began normally enough
It was a Friday , the morning after I ’d had myiPhonereplaced at theApple Store . I was receive trouble accessing the office Wi - Fi on it , so I pop my head into the IT guy rope ’s office and asked for help . He told me he ’d e-mail the meshwork countersign to my computer ; so I headed off to my desk and hold back .
Meanwhile , sans office Wi - Fi , I checked my telephone and check I ’d incur aFacebook message from an ex . Well , our kinship was more of a whirl that dragged on for long enough to make break up railroad tie inordinately hard . Anyone else been there ? After a serial of turkey date and flakesI was lapse , and took up texting him against my better judgment for some irrefutable attention .
Do n’t worry , I amply plan on having my psychotherapist mammy blab some sense into me later . Anyway …
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Then the sexting started
He message to say he took the day off ; teasing that he was still in bottom , and I should have skipped piece of work to join him . We flirted back and onward . I wanted him to assure me he need me – I just never postulate him to show me how much .
After my last reply , I turned my phone over to put my titillating beguilement out of sight and mind . I dove into my morning routine of respond to client electronic mail . A few minutes later , the IT hombre depict up at my desk with the Wi - Fi password .
With him resist directly behind me , I type in my passcode to unlock my phone . Up sprang my subject matter silver screen – along with a palm - sized pecker pic from my ex .
There was no way to unsee the image
" Woah ! " my IT guy said in surprise , rick away and taking a footstep back . I pant and cover my telephone while test to go out of Facebook Messenger .
" Oh my God ! " I squealed , total panic typeset in . " I ’m so good-for-naught ! " I said , wish it would go away . I put my phone down on the desk as far away from me as potential like it was a disgusting beast and faced the IT bozo . " I did n’t expect for that ! " I said earnestly , willing him to believe me . Without letting him respond , I continued my frenzied ramblings and tongue-tied apology peppered with nervous laughter . " Can we please profess that did n’t just materialize ? "
" What ? " he asked , playing along . " That was a banana tree , right ? " Oh , earnest God ! I allow out a hysterical laugh . " Not a very telling one though … " he finish with a smirk . At this point in time I was ready to crawl under my desk and cash in one’s chips . I thought that sentence he and I filch mighty on each other on Tinder was embarrassing . No . This was a whole new level .
" No , " I harmonize in a approximate whisper , " I am not impressed by it at the moment . " I needed him to go away . Why was he there in the first topographic point ? Oh , the Wi - Fi . Dammit ! With a shaky hired man , I grab my phone and re - entered the passcode . Had I closed the app ? Would the dick pic still be there ? Why could n’t he have send his tool motion picture through Snapchat like everyone else ? I held my breathing place and exhaled a sigh of relief when the phone occur to life on the even app bill of fare . No tool in wad . " What ’s the mesh and password ? " I felt my fount burning .
The IT bozo told me to go to my Wi - Fi configurations . I open my email by fault , followed by Bluetooth . Shit . I could n’t focalise . He orient on the projection screen to the correct office meshing . He tell me the password but I was n’t find out him . rather , I was typing " password " as quickly as potential . Nope , that did n’t work . He gave me the word again , which my fumble fingers mistyped . roll in the hay .
IT guys see the craziest shit
He put his bridge player on my shoulder . " loosen , " he said . " It ’s run to be all right . " Would it ? In what human race would thiseverbe OK ? Then again , I cerebrate optimistically , perchance this was n’t the worst matter he had been exposed to on the job .
IT guys in my part have take care some pretty unearthly poppycock . They told me about a laptop with a hole in the outer case where a candle burn through it , and a CD in a former fellow ’s disk campaign full of 100 - plus image of a dog being photographed with a man dressed as Santa . What ’s uncanny is that the guy wire maintained that this wasn’thisdisc of images at all – and that he had never seen that Santa or dog in his life . Then there ’s the mysterious someone in our office who keeps popping up on the list of available web as " Booby web , " grant a whole fresh significance to the term " personal hot spot . " And those are just the PG stories they could share without risking their own trips to HR . For all I know they see nude pics on employee figurer every twenty-four hours .
Still , the position was unfit . And I was n’t realise it better . In an insane act of desperation : Ihuggedthe IT bozo . I do n’t make love why . A crazy attempt to make thing OK ? Or my means of lumping us together as unsuspicious dupe of this act of indecent exposure ? I allow go , took a deep breather , apologize again , and relinquished bid of my phone for him to insert the parole – which of course only take him one try .
Let’s pray HR never hears of this incident
I ’m convinced my IT guy rope now think I baby-sit at my desk at all hr of the Clarence Shepard Day Jr. mark out dicks . I see no fashion to correct this misconception . Maybe if I call him over and open my phone to a pictorial matter of a vagina ? No , that wo n’t aid . I ’ll keep brainstorming .
In the meantime , I ’m not waiting around to hear from Prince Dick - Pic Charming . About a workweek after the incident , he texted to say we could n’t talk any longer because he is trying to " make affair work " with his X . well her than me ! The only call I ’m waiting on now is the one from my office ’s HR section about appropriate work behavior and what form sexual harassment . I seem to have continue under the radiolocation thus far – but with my secret out , there ’s just no apprisal .
ratify up herefor our day-by-day Thrillist e-mail , and get your fix of the best in intellectual nourishment / drink / fun .
