Though a New Yorker with a therapist sounds like a tired stereotype , there ’s a reason we continue to rely heavily on these beacon of Tinder / employment / material - land wisdom . Between insanely stressful job , high rents , and a largely dissatisfactory go out kitty , it ’s only instinctive that we involve someone to unload on once or doubly a week ( and maybe sometimes during the work day on the phone ) . But what ’s at the core of our neurosis ? We spoke to two NYC therapists , Dr. Caroline Blackman , a psychotherapist and psychopharmacologist ; and Dr. Judy Scheel , DSW and clinical psychologist , to chance out just what ’s troubling New Yorkers the most .
remark : It ’s significant to mention that both therapists quoted deal specifically with middle- to upper - center - class client in Manhattan . Factors like neighborhood , income , slipstream , phratry site , etc . are all life factors , and differ across all five borough .
“ There are a plenty of self - esteem upshot ”
Daniel Fishel/Thrillist
We want to have it all… and clearly can’t
While people hold out in a slower - paced environment might be able to stop and smack the rose , New Yorkers are trying to smell out them while pruning them , clean them , and arranging them perfectly to bring them home to our perfect spouse – all from the backseat of a hack that ’s propel 60 miles per hour down the FDR . “ There ’s a unique force per unit area in populate a certain lifestyle with tiddler and a career in certain parts of Manhattan , where there are unique societal atmospheric pressure , ” says Blackman , who conduct her practice in Midtown . “ New Yorkers sometimes do n’t realize that you ca n’t have your patty and eat it , too ; that making sealed choices involves both gain and loss . For example , if you want to work a lot , it may be knockout to be a sure character of parent . you’re able to not both be a perfect parent and a unlined worker . Something has to give . I see a fortune of people amount in conflicted and not have sex where to quarter the rail line , or desire to have it all without realize its emotional toll . ”
Blackman notes that NYC women tend to finger this atmospheric pressure to have it all the most . “ [ Women ] with brawny Job and children feel the encumbrance of juggling and more guiltiness about priorities , etc . , than men in the same position . Standards lean to be very high in both sexes , and you also see perfectionism in men who are search to be both wonderful forefather and primary breadwinners , ” she says .
We have absolutely no idea how to relax
New Yorkers are constantly on the go , but even when we do get the time to slow down down , we have no idea how to really enjoy it . “ I see many masses who have difficulty with downtime . They are overly charged mass who ca n’t switch off , and some just want to give it all up and live a completely dissimilar life , ” Blackman bestow .
We think we know what we want… until we see the next shiny thing
“ There ’s more of a New York urban dissatisfaction and urban sadness , ” says Scheel , who practiced in New York for 20 + years and has since relocated her practice to North Carolina . “ In terms of comparing the North and the South , up in New York , hoi polloi are look to be perfect and do n’t have the intragroup tool to model with anything and to appendage , and to accept happiness in a dissimilar direction . Because of outside stimulation , people expect happiness to come from the exterior in , whether it ’s get that unadulterated chore or apartment or whatever it might be . ”
" I think citizenry have a hard time slow up down enough to actually feel sad . "
When we finally figure out what wedowant, we refuse to wait for it
“ There ’s an stress on a quick fixing , ” says Blackman . “ Change takes time . You do see some mass who want to get from full point A to Z without extend through the ABCs , so to speak . This is stupefy more prevalent culturally and is reinforced by carry off care . But New Yorkers run to be quick and require solution that may not be potential without the time spent digging deeper . ”
Our self-esteem struggles to keep up with our high standards
“ There are a lot of self - regard issues , and they attest themselves in different ways , ” say Scheel . “ multitude are not maximizing on their potential because they feel unsafe . There is a small percentage of people who need medication , but for many citizenry it ’s about hold up their authentic selves , which is hard to do in New York . It ’s an easier road to have an eating disorder , go shopping , recur to alcohol , etc . , than it is to sit down and really recollect about what is fail to make you felicitous . ”
We’re just generally very, very anxious people
“ I see more anxiousness in my drill than depression , ” say Blackman . “ It ’s an anxiousness about perfectionism . New York attract a Type A personality . I cerebrate the great unwashed have a heavy time slow down down enough to in reality experience deplorable . New York is such a stimulant place , and masses can get distracted [ from their sadness ] easily . ”
Scheel add , “ A band of anxiousness has to do with multitude being uncomfortable with their feelings , whether it ’s their angriness or their feeling that they ’re not honorable enough . There ’s a stack of contest in New York and that stirs the anxiousness pot . citizenry never quite experience that they are getting enough , or that they ’re well-chosen enough . The culture of New York spur that on and makes people mad . ”
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