" Do you need to come to my house on Friday dark and join a group of us to do some intone ? " the actress asked . My intestine hollo , " Nope . No . Definitely not . Do n’t do it . " But my eyes take up in her semi - noted glow and before my gut could overturn it , my mouth said , " Yaaassssss!“There are several rites of passage to becoming an Angeleno and I conceive one of them is hang a spectral gathering imply a semi - famous famous person . It took me seven twelvemonth of live here , but I can finally check this one off my list . All thanks to an actress I met at a dog park . While our dogs were playing , the actress and I jaw about – what else ? – dogs and then we polish off a lull . Since there was a full lunation coming up , I started talk about star divination ( naturally ) . From there we veer into Buddhism , which I ’d meditate briefly in college ( Humanities credit ) .
At this period , I was unmindful to the actress ' renown . She seemed vaguely familiar , but I just estimate it was from the commons . Someone came over and asked her if she was work on the new season of a Showtime series that ’s notHomelandorShameless(and maybe rhymes with Shmay Shmonovan . ) While I have n’t watched this show , I recognized the name . When she asked me if I wanted to come to her house for a " chanting meeting , " I. WAS . SO . IN . I had no idea what she was talking about but this is the kind of uncanny , voyeuristical , literally only - in - LA run - ins I dwell for .
***
The meeting was being held at her Hollywood Hills planetary house on Friday night at 7 pm . induce no approximation what one wears to intone , I just put on jeans and a T - shirt and grabbed the horchata ice latte I ’d been nursing from earlier in the day because it ’s always good to have a prop in awkward situations . From where I parked a block away , I could see mass walk up the Alfred Hawthorne toward where my iPhone confidently said the planetary house was locate . No one was wear out gown or turbans or matching path suits ( RIP Heaven ’s Gate cult ) so I require a deep breather , cleared my pharynx , and headed toward chanting central . As I walk into the household , a humankind standing in the doorway introduced himself as Chantz . Seriously . That ’s what he say his name was . “I had a beau in college named Chance ! " I aver in a paroxysm of nervousness . " My parents were like , ' Maybe you should consider dating a guy wire with a tinge more definiteness to his name . ‘““With a CE ? " he asked . “Yes ? " I said disjointed . How the hell else would you write it?“Well , I ’m with a TZ.“I had to type it out on my brain ’s computer screen before I get down it . Of course . I was at a chanting ceremony . And he renamed himself because he chants with an edge . Sweet Jesus , what did I get myself into ?
Before I could turn around and take flight , Chantz and chanting furor mountain , the actress saw me and guided me over to a stain on the flooring , where about 30 people were already seated and staring at a piece of paper with Japanese writing on the wall . Each was chanting a idiom over and over . Some seemed in a trance , ( or should that be Trantz ? ? ) others were singing , and all seemed attached to the show . My fresh friend reach me a card with the phrase and guided me through the orthoepy . I finger like I was speak in tongues . Or gobbledeegook . After 15 minute of the repetition , our host for the eventide stepped to the front of the room and gave a run - down of the agenda . She pulled out a Christian Bible of phonetically write phrases , which we apportion , and the entire group chanted several page of phrase from it . I still had no estimate what I was read or if I was even in the right spot . I just kept kind of seethe and go my mouthpiece . masses were intensely take these passage like religious pilgrims at a holy web site . At the 25 - minute scrape , I was tired of understand things I did n’t understand and was wondering how much more of this I was going to have to take . And then – give thanks , uh , the heavens ? ? – a dancer appeared before my eye . The dancer gave a theatrical actor’s line about how chanting deepen his life . He said when he started cantillate , he made a list of 10 thing he wanted in his life , like a part in a musical and a young car ( duh ) . He shared that he got a new car a few months after committing to chant on a everyday footing … and becoming a member of the group . While it was unclear what rank entail , it seemed clear that pay money was part of it . Was this like a weird internet selling scheme where everyone sing the praises of alkaline piddle … er , chanting ? If you brought in enough people , did a chanting version of Oprah bring you a car ? Most importantly , was it a Maserati ?
He renamed himself Chantz because he chants with an edge . What did I get myself into ?
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Before my brain could tornado into lots of car scenario , I was jolt back to the room by the appearance of a cake . Now we were talking … or chanting . Anyway , I got excited . Because I sleep with a frosted , delicious flat solid cake . The cake was give to a cat for his one - twelvemonth chanting day of remembrance . The patty victor said , " intonation changed my life ! I would n’t have all of the grace in my life story without it ! " That brought about a bunch of questions , like : what blessings ? How did it do work ? And , most significantly , when was I locomote to get some cake?Next on the schedule was newcomer introductions . Each of us newbies look like cervid in headlights as we said things like , " Yeah , so happy to be here ! " and " It seems like chanting is great ! " I boldly went where the other starter did n’t . " When do we get patty ? " Everyone laugh .
No one answered . One older woman stepped in to say she knew how we feel and that she was lose 20 years ago before she began intonate . And you know what ? Chanting changed her life .
I sense a root .
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
But gratefully , she did expound on the how : by chanting this phrase repeatedly , one vibrates in harmony with the Universe , which is what allow for manifestations . That cleared up … not a whole lot . I did n’t sleep together if I really desire to change my life . I like a lot of it as it is , except for the cake part . It had disappear quicker than a Scientologist from a Katie Holmes movie . Had the patty wisely escaped ? Was it being lock up like a bad chanter ? I had so many questions and no cake .
At the end of the meeting , members swarmed the young the great unwashed . Each of them read , again , how chanting changed their lives and , " It make if you keep coming back . " Basically it was like Alcoholics Anonymous , but for chanting . Overall , I did feel good , but I attribute it to the horchata iced latte ( caffeine + sugar = heaven ) and the fact that I was about to escape . Thank God I brought my luscious prop because it was my slate out of there . I excuse myself from the cult induction committee by explaining I had to pee and booked it for the front door . When I get to my car , I locked the door , relinquish a big suspiration of relief and raced home because I really did have to spend a penny . I chock the whole experience up to a weird LA rite of passage until the actress texted me the next daylight enunciate she ’d hump for me to come over and tone again .
Uh , sorry , no . Who wants to be part of a group that does n’t portion out cake ?
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