This was the week the net lose its shit over cereal grass . It all start with theNY Times , when Kim Seversonwrote about cereal firebrand ' flagging sales and what they were trying to do about it . The finical portion of the story that made everyone tear their eyeballs out and set in motion them at the synodic month tap to bottle projectile involve a survey which say 40 % of millennials thought"“cereal was an inconvenient breakfast choice because they had to scavenge up after wipe out it . "
The Washington Postran with that , bemoan the plight of an America cling up on public convenience and flooded with 20 - somethings in " Feel the Bern " tank tops who ’ve never done chore , and thus ca n’t even wash out a damn bowling ball . One of articulate trough - hating millennials at BuzzFeed used many GIFs and inexplicable alteration in font sizing to duplicate down on how muchhe hates cereal(mostly due to the complicated nature of purchase milk ) , but then two OTHER BuzzFeed staffers wrotea PRO - cereal pieceusing pictures of clocks with the numbers supercede by cereal bowls and masses taking hide - nurturing cereal baths .
InThe Arizona Republic , a Gen X editor and her millennian co - worker did a Q&A ( sampling : " I have a confession to make . I ’m a millennian and I do n’t use up cereal . At least not regularly for breakfast . " ) that culminates in a six - question reader poll point at " adult . " My power point is : the debate surround millennials not want to scavenge up cereal circularise uncontrollably , like that disease inthe moviewhere Cuba Gooding , Jr. fritter a scalawag .
Kevin Alexander/Thrillist
I , too , have felt the need to count in on this non - mall - related Hot Topic . You see , at 34 , I model in the DMZ between the millennial and Gen X generations . I ’m also strenuously pro - cereal . I eat three to four bowl a Clarence Shepard Day Jr. . I have nine boxful in my home mighty now . I dida taste - testand order 88 of them . I regulate diapers for my kid , and in that box , Amazon felt compelled to admit a family - sizing box of Reese;s cereal grass , mayhap as a fault but in spades not as a mistake . Here it is , with a box of an extremely healthy cereal I ca n’t fetch myself to consume next to it for comparison :
Cereal is n’t pop with millennials because :
WF : It ’s very expensive .
Kevin Alexander/Thrillist
KA : Wait . What ? you may grease one’s palms a 28 oz box of Cap’n Crunch ’s Crunch Berries on Walmart.com for $ 4.16 and that give you 25 serving . That ’s 17 cents per serving . Factor in milk , which comes to about 50 cents per assist , and you ’ve obtain a 67 - penny breakfast each day , for an entire calendar month . Also , Amazon yield away cereal grass for liberal !
WF : It ’s very bad for you .
KA : So yes , it ’s true that a cup of Honey Smacks actually has more simoleons than a Hostess Twinkie , but that ’s just the loot cereals . There are hundreds of sound cereal grass lines out now . limited K has a quinoa cereal grass . Wheaties only have 4 g of sugar per serve PLUS you get a corner that features a famous jock , like long - track speed skater Joey Cheek !
Kevin Alexander/Thrillist
WF : Most adults never ate cereal as grown - behind hoi polloi if they did n’t have kids , and millennials are having kid right smart afterward than any other generation .
KA : I ’ve read this many times and still do n’t quite understand it . I gauge the statement is you only really eat cereal as an adult if you have kids , and since millennials are too fussy crashing Zipcars into EDM festival to have kid , they ’re not eating cereal . Since there ’s no way to logically refute an unlogical financial statement , I will just move on .
WF : masses are skipping breakfast , anyway .
KA : Fine .
WF : They discontinued Waffle Crisp then brought it back but it was n’t the same .
KA : Dammit , I also ca n’t reason with this .
As a serious cereal proponent , I could sit around here and make my own version of food grain - number alfilaria , and speak to the intrinsic gratification one experience when necessitate down ice - cold milk mixed with crunchy flakes . Or the gloriole of that last sip of saccharide - laden post - cereal Milk River . I could utter to the metre - bend nostalgia I experience when opening a corner of Christmas Crunch , bringing me back to the time I find my grandfather cuss and drinking gin rummy while trying to build my GI Joe Mobile Command Center on Christmas Eve as I come down for a late - nighttime pipe bowl . But the Sojourner Truth is , I kind of think this cereal crisis is a good matter .
For one , there are too many blessed food grain now . Each franchise ( say , Special K ) has 10 or so looping , and even those have looping . There are 16 types of bye-bye , dammit ! ! Do you intend the market is that segmented that it calls for a Cheerios aimed at people who bask a very specific type of South American dessert ( dulce de leche ) ? I think a culling of expanding upon excess is about time , frankly .
secondly , I honestly believe that everything could change if cereal would just look better in photo . Look at this one I took of the cereal I ’m eat right now :
See ? Even when it ’s backed by sexy reclaimed wood , innate light , and I ’ve somewhat every which way toggle with the color configurations under the " Edit " purpose , it still does n’t look Instagram worthy . If cereal grass makers can tweak recipes to taste like South American afters , I think they can make this turd more giving , too .
As for the millennials being unwilling to clean a damn trough – relax . First of all , 60 % of them already do n’t take care launder the dish , and that ’s a majority . Also , while eating cereal and procrastinating , I started reading through sometime laments about Gen Xers from the ' 90s and it was the same damn diddly-squat – how they were so selfish and otiose and fundamentally different from the generations before that the world would everlastingly be change . The older generation criticise the scary , younger , newfangled propagation , then betoken apocalypse .
you could bet that in 20 years , millennials will be griping about how the Drone Generation is too indolent to care when theirAI golem toysuse their mental ability for stark recall and power to use recursive ego - improvement to create super intelligence , thus making our genius obsolete and forcing us to all study in Mars labor camps . This is just the Hz we live in , friends .
In an effort to squelch any issues , I told my untested millennial friend Wil about how to save money on cereal by say it off the Internet . He politely give thanks me for providing him with the option , but admitted he would likely not employ it , pronounce , " and deal with all that cumbrous packaging / credit card input ? Nah . I ’m too lazy . "
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Kevin Alexanderis Thrillist ’s national author - at - large . Embrace his food grain haikus:@KAlexander03 .
