How many penis have you seen ? Even for the most gumshoe - inundate among us – locker way attendees , adult - movie reader , bachelorette party endowment designer – the number belike pale in comparison to the routine of other body part ( necks , forearms , ankle joint ) you ’ve seen . And when we do n’t see a lot of something , it ’s awfully hard to compare your trunk part to others ' – or to know what ’s normal . So when something appear on a cat ’s dick , panic ensues .
To help take the fear and mystery out of the years - old question , " What ’s on my dick ? , " I ’m sop up on my dual experience as a college sex counsel and creative piece of writing major ; using the latter to employ imagery for the former .
Chancre
What is it?A genital ulcerWhat does it appear like?A tiny , undercooked pancake ; a house of cards wrap bubble filled with white pus ; an egg - livid omelette in the form of a pimpleWhat do I do now?The most crucial question to demand with a chancre , or Chancre the Rapcre as no one calls them , is whether the site is atrocious . If so , you ’re in all likelihood deal with a chancroid , which is a unlike transmission entirely . chancroid are rare and relatively harmless . As in , they suck and they hurt and are contagious , but they will usually go away promptly and if not can be treated with antibiotic drug .
If the chancre is not painful or sensitive to touch , then there ’s a chance you ’ve contracted syphilis . And ifthat’sthe case , you need to get agree out instantly . Syphilis , much like some presidential candidates , is comparatively easy to squeeze betimes on but pernicious if grant to footle . With syphilis , the chancre or chancre will disappear after the first stage but the bacterium will remain in your consistence , so do not be fooled into inactiveness just because the little bugger run into concealing .
Bubo
What is it?Swollen lymph node of the groinWhat does it front like?Like Lance Armstrong donated you his lung and they were accidentally implanted in your groin ; like your inguen is a bagpipe and your prick is the part of the bagpipe you blow into ; innie testicles ; the world ’s sorry balloon animalWhat do I do now?Check your armpits . Are there buboes there , too ? If so , you plausibly have the bubonic plague . Yup , that ’s where that word comes from . fortuitously for you this is n’t the Middle Ages . ( And for me too , since as a Jew I ’d plausibly be the one blamed for your genus Bubo . ) essentially , though , if you have any reason to suspect you have bubo , which are sure to be tippy if not downright excruciating , go see a medico right away . It could be clap ( the clap ) or even tuberculosis .
Warts
What is it?Fleshy bumpsWhat does it look like?The Earth’s surface of Mars ; like a toad and your dick had a baby and it intrust patricide on your dick and took its place when no one was looking ; a Trader Joe ’s frozen pizza pie left in the oven too longWhat do I do now?Take a moment to reflect on all the terrific advance in sexual wellness and the fact that HPV and genital warts may be nearly eradicated in a multiplication or two thanks to the HPV vaccinum . While reflecting on this try not to chafe yourself , as this can ignite and spread the warts .
The vast absolute majority of genital warts will go aside on their own as the body fights off the virus . In the interim , keep your hands out of your pants by writing a thoughtful letter to the sexually alive and immunised youth of today to permit them cognize what vitiate little shits they are .
Lesions
What is it?A bug bitey , scabby , and/or blistery spot or areaWhat does it attend like?You scraped your knee and your knee is your dick ; like there ’s a raw packing motion picture starring your dick and it ’s presently the 11th round of the final fight ; like a cleaning woman ’s foot after walking around in heels all dayWhat do I do now?Accept that living has given you a teacher to instill the treble values of patience and commitment … and that teacher ’s name is herpes virus . OK , maybe that ’s a little too sunny , but truthfully herpes virus deserves only the slightest fraction of the veneration and revolt it engenders .
One - one-sixth of everyone old than 14 in the US has it ; and for most carriers the symptom will stay light and mostly dormant . Over time you will come to understand what triggers your prison-breaking , which can be anything from savoury food to emphasise to ultraviolet illumination - ray pic , and learn to manage it like a champ . And then the student will have truly become the master .
Discharge
What is it?A white , icteric , or green pus - like leakage from the urethraWhat does it seem like?Like a toothpaste tube being hug … actually no , lamentable . Even I have my limitation . " Pus - like leak " will do just fine , thank you . What do I do now?It should be reasonably exonerated you ’re not dealing with semen , but in case you ’re unsure , give it a whiff . If it smells , or has any colouration , or you just bump to know it ’s not ejaculate , then there ’s a good fortune you ’re make do with chlamydia . Have no reverence , chlamydia is eminently curable through the marvel of antibiotics , so head over to the doctor right aside . And maybe grease one’s palms some new underwear .
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Jonathan Zimmerman is a free lance writer establish in Brooklyn , where he leads a spell of famous landmarks mention in Beastie Boys lyric poem at all times inside his head . Find him at@TheRealZimShadi .
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