When we firstgot wordthat Zero Gravity , Chicagoland ’s advanced young adult terpsichore club of choice , was passing on , quite honestly I was appalled . Shocked not because it was passing on , but , well … shock that it was actually still alive all this time .
In its 21 long time on dry land , Zero Gravity managed to touch all of us in various ways , much like the creepy-crawly older men that somehow bring off to sneak into the club every weekend . Whether you were someone who visited often in your best “ Italia ” wifebeater along with your girlfriend Magdalina – who dress to affect in her best Victoria ’s Secret girdle , furry boots , and body glitter – or whether you avoided the club after hearing that hearsay about the infected subcutaneous acerate leaf , which was most likely made up by a suburban mama to deter her nipper from visiting , one thing is clear : each and every one of us suburbanite Kyd was bear upon by the existence of Zero Gravity .
Born in 1995 , Zero Gravity quickly brandished the title of “ Chicago ’s No . 1 Dance Club ” – quite the feat considering , first , the club is located a considerable space outside of Chicago and , secondly , there ’s no room there ’s an award for that . By the late nineties , ZG became the pledge of Naperville , frequently recognise with local celebrities such as The Killer Bee from B96 .
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
However , Zero Gravity fell into the wrong crowd during its organic structure spray - soaked adolescent years ( like so many of us did ) . It seemed as if ZG was cling out with a dissimilar MTV reality star every weekend , constantly surrounded by barely clad Jersey Shore clones . One clubber recalled these days fondly , state , “ We interpret … some bitches from The Hills , that cunt that got kvetch off Jersey Shore . hoi polloi were ca-ca themselves . ”
Even more legendary than the steady stream of five hundred - List celebrities that passed through Zero Gravity were its stripper celestial pole , dance John Cage , and foam parties – some of which , bizarrely , featured a mechanically skillful fuzz . However , when mechanical bulls were n’t pronto available , ZG ’s big - clip celebrity hosts wereready and willing to improvise , coming up with originative way for bikini - clad adolescent fille to simulate riding a crap . That ’s just the sort of club this was .
“ I think one person had fun . "
zgclub/YouTube
A longtime admirer of Zero Gravity – who wishes to stay anon. – shared this heartwarming computer memory of his very first froth party:“Ah , fond memories of Zero Gravity . I tried my first cigarette in the parking pile and hold up on the girl that gave it to me . My good friend depose that some girl from Conant High School let him vex his bridge player up her dame on the dance floor during one of their froth party , but I think he was lying . ”
Yet another friend – who queerly also wanted to remain anonymous – shared this :
" The first and only time I ever lead to Zero Gravity was for a foam company . It was also the first clip that I take in people doing finger’s breadth poppycock in populace . Me and the eight lifeguards I work with got hopped up on Red Bull and No Doz then crammed into my mom ’s Volvo and take up from Plainfield . I intend one person had fun . "
In its wan years , many of us became quite concerned about Zero Gravity ’s well - being . It apace became clean-cut to us that the daunting panorama of turning 21 paired with the effects of years of bass , screaming teen girl , and rave enhancers had taken their price on the gild . The radiancy began to fade from the club ’s sword stripper poles , and not even ZG ’s blinding strobe light Light were enough to obnubilate the inherited material left behind on John Wilkes Booth seats by coevals of young suburbanites .
Like a heavily medicated aging sexuality symbolization desperately cling to its youth , the promoters began making delusional statement such as , “ Zero Gravity is known to be the upper class saltation ball club ! ” and acting erratically , hosing willing patrons down with fluorescent rouge . When Zero Gravity commence send patrons $ 20 admission and referring to itself as “ The # 1 Club in the Midwest , ” friends knew the non - stop company was going to stop .
Of of course , many friends of ZG remain firm ‘ til the end , likeCluber T. from Crown Point , IN :
“ you did nt have a good metre at zero gravitation because no one want to trip the light fantastic with your slimy atomic number 33 so please do nt hate on the establishment just because your a nonstarter an no want to party with losers , , remain outa dance society if your not made for one,,,,o and medicine heady they have the most gifted djs such as magix , markski , etc , , p.s . the eld terminal point is 23 so no 46 year old creepers … zero gravitational force is amazing better then 80 % of downtown clubs so do nt detest ! ”
at long last , Zero Gravity sacrificed it ’s base of cognitive process so that its legacy could know on in the form of a make - new retreat home . We can only assume the retreat home will domiciliate some ZG ’s original patrons , offering up weekly froth parties in lieu of sponger baths , and a revolving rec room where all residents may gather to copulate under the cover version of a murk car . Resident DJ Markski will be mixing it up ( Euro style ) every Sunday dark all the mode ‘ til 4 am because there ’s no school on Monday !
Zero Gravity is survived by owners Paul and Mario , who share the following persuasion via Facebook : “ We want to thank all for the nifty financial support . ZG Where the dependable clubheadz start . ”
Whether you were someone like one - prison term friend Becky who never in reality made it in spite of appearance because her acquaintance tope too much and upchuck in the parking lot , or whether you were more like lifelong friend Stanislav , who spent so much time at the clubhouse that his only reception was , “ Are n’t we all ashamed of what the things we did over a tenner ago ? ” , Zero Gravity touch each and every one of our lives . And those of us that visited before the dawn of social medium are eternally grateful that our horrid club photos will never surface on Reddit or The Dirty .
In windup , we ’d wish to dedicate this verse form written by Zero Gravity ’s longtime friend , Basshunter :
Now you ’re goneThere ’s an empty place in my heartWithout my Zero Gravity it will break apartIt wo n’t mend it never fades awayI will call back about you everyday
RIP Zero Gravity , 1995 - 2016 . Your froth party , movable terpsichore floor , and orange patrons will live on in our hearts forever and a day .
Sign up herefor our day-to-day Chicago email and be the first to get all the food / drunkenness / fun in townsfolk .
Lisa Chatroopis editor of Chicago - based life-style blogDailyUrbanista.com . Although she preferred Nitro over Zero Gravity in her teenager years , she ’s always ready to mix it up Euro style . Say hi to her on Twitter:@Chicagoista .
