Sometimes you could walk into a restaurant and have a 6th good sense that your experience is run to be atrocious . After all , it does n’t take dining with the ghost of Bruce Willis to realize that the food ’s go to suck and the service is kick the bucket to be tough . But be deliberate : there are certain features of a dining ecesis with red pin that you might never foot up on . If you see any of these , dine at your own risk .
Servers are pushing a seafood special a little too aggressively
It ’s not your job to eat the stuff management ca n’t convince people to order . specially something perishable like seafood . speak of which , if you regularly feed in a half - price sushi joint , you merit whatever ’s follow to you .
The dishes are all labeled with another restaurant’s logo
Hats off to them if they ’re troll , but you probably should ’ve just gone to the other restaurant .
The food in the cold case looks like it’s mummified
Perhaps you ’d be honest off move home and eating a arena ofFruity Yummy Mummycereal from 1983 .
The menu’s the size of a book
This is not a subliminal slam onCheesecake Factory , which has a legendarily large menu . The potstickers and flautas go surprisingly well with the fettuccini , we listen . But the absolute majority of restaurants offer up a million knockout on one menu are probably not experts in every cuisine under the sun .
There’s a velvet rope outside, but no line
The chucker-out does n’t even take care like he ’s interested in demand his lunch respite there . And what is he bouncing on the dot ?
You’re waited on by a single server in an otherwise empty restaurant
Unlike sitting in an empty movie theater , which can make you finger like a king ( a king seeingthis Matthew McConaughey motion-picture show , probably ) – sitting in an empty restaurant is super uncomfortable . Especially if the owner have it off that no one ’s showing up , so they only staff the place with one host . And usually that server is either top-notch incompetent person and does n’t devil waiting on you , or way too paying attention and you have to keep brush them off . Also , what does it say about a restaurant if the place is always empty ? Usually it says : this place will shut for good shortly .
The wall is full of unsigned celebrity portraits
It ’s like they ’re just waiting for Christina Aguilera to come in in and sign that affair .
Cockroaches are your dining partners
A bug in a eatery is not going to kill you , unless that bug is a brown recluse spider and it bites you straightaway after you sit down . Even a few flies or a wanderer should n’t be enough to dissuade you from a meal at a restaurant you love . But cockroaches are nothing to play around with , because if you see one , chances are there are others lurking about . And in a worst - case scenario they might allfall on your head teacher at once .
The name is suspiciously similar to a better restaurant’s
We ’re sure Fame - ish Ray ’s is great and all …
The restaurant specializes in cuisines from two distinct culinary styles
We ’re consult to restaurants that claim to make great pizzaandgyros . Sorry , but it takes serious culinary skill to do either one of those looker justice . No chef is going to make top - nick pizza and gyros . Do you think you may get splendid gyros at any ofthese pizza parlor ? No . No you’re able to not . Would you ever wipe out in a eatery that served Tex - Mex and sushi ? Then it ’s probably not advisable to eat in a Thai position that pull in sushi , either .
The staff constantly insists they’re “under new management”
A restaurant " under novel management " is like a guy who cuckold on his girlfriend and then begs for forgiveness because " everything is different now ! " But nothing really changed , Jennifer ! Especially if the interior decoration , stave , and menu are basically the same as they were before the direction " change " … if it sucked before , it ’ll probably still suck .
The food is served through bulletproof glass
We ’re not say this is a totally bad sign , but if the field glass has shock marks on the inside , something might be amiss .
There are suspicious banners outside
We ’ll forgive some " Grand Opening " banners hanging for over a year . Hell , who has n’t depart their Christmas palm up until February some years ? But the banner that says " No E. coli for 40 Days and Counting " ? Not so much .
There’s a parking space outside marked “Reserved for Exterminator”
chance are the food for thought in the eating place will really bug you .
A sign in the window offers discounts for Yelp reviewers
Bribery , homely and simple .
You keep noticing delivery guys bringing foodininstead ofout
The second after you stepinside , you should stepoutside .
When a server asks you, “Are you sure you want to order that?”
Same goes for if they chortle and agitate their brain when you order something . You have two options at that point : listen to the waiter ( because they know more about the food for thought than you do ) , or run like the wind . We suggest lacing up your favorite crown of thorns - trainers and Usain Bolting the hell out of there .
The kitchen is a symphony of beeping microwaves
On the positive side , it does kind of auditory sensation like a Skrillex B - side . And at the ending of the song you get barely edible meat loaf that belongs in a TV dinner !
The employees beg you to stop in as you walk by
No way ! Unless there ’s a discount for Yelp reviewers …
There is a dead person in the middle of the floor
We ’re estimate his last meal was n’t what he was expecting .
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Daniel Fishel/Thrillist
