receive back toOff the Menu , where we land you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox . This calendar week , we ’ve got stories of restaurant employees who were so off their secret plan as to be playing an entirely different sport . As always , these are real emails from real readers , though name have been alter .
That’s an omelet!
“ My father was at a diner with coworkers in midtown Manhattan in the ' 70s . His coworker ordered a burger . Pretty straightforward .
“ Except when the waitress brought the hamburger … it was clearly a cheeseflower omelette . His coworker point out that he ordered a hamburger . alternatively of apologize or pop the question to lend him the correct mantrap , she said , ‘ That is a burger . ’ They all looked at her . ‘ It ’s an omelet , ’ ‘ No , it ’s a ground beef ’ – they went back and away a match times . Finally , she picked up a crotch , prodded it , and said ‘ No , this is a ground beef . ’
“ At this point , they were all looking at each other in disbelief , and out of sheer thwarting , in unison they yelled , ‘ THAT ‘S AN OMELET . ’
Stepanek Photography/Shutterstock
She rolled her eyes , sighed , and take the collection plate away . ” –Nora Dobler
The dangers of hot sauce
“ For a brief clock time in Florida , I was working at a semi - dissolute Tex - Mex restaurant that had a hot sauce bar at all locations . We had sauce that ranged from the not hot at all ‘ sweet chili pepper ’ to a hallmark named one that was basically designed to thin out your ability to breathe for the rest of the day and then pray to the gods to make it end .
“ I was a ‘ shift tip , ’ which was a bullshit name for being an adjunct director , but only for $ 0.50 / hour more over minimal remuneration than the BOH stave . So , I had a little authority to specify the side employment and/or handle carmine ticket . On one very dim daytime , and with the GM picking up supply , I assigned a fledgling who was a total asshat ( he was douchey in general , but was especially so to the FOH female child ) to make clean the sauce bar and then to take his prison-breaking . There was a very , VERY specific , but simple , communications protocol for handling the sauces . Since asshat newbie had just finished the preparation for such , I assumed he would recollect the basic steps to houseclean and QC’ing the sauces . I was very wrong .
“ I see out how wrong after he came back to tell me he was taking his break , and give out to the bathroom . Seconds after , we heard screaming and wailing come from the lavatory . The bathrooms were unity and were in the dining area . So I run out to investigate and the noise was make out from the men ’s john . I realize that asshat was in there , and with little need for deductive reasoning , realized that he forgot to put on gloves before handling the hottest live sauce , and then proceeded to wash out his manus , which micturate it spread easy . Then he had handle his man parts to pee .
“ Crying from laughter , I pulled a bucket of dour cream , render it to him , and beam him home . We never get a line from him again . The FOH staff rejoiced . ” –Dan Majors
You keep using that word…
“ My coworkers and I eat at a bar near our government agency for dejeuner every once in awhile . It shut down often and changes ownership all the prison term . We really only go out of convenience since it ’s so close .
“ Last time we were there , it had just reopen the anterior week ( under new ownership , after being closed for about two month ) . We were seated quickly as they were not engaged and our waitress greeted us offer up drunkenness and apps to start . We ask for some time to look at the unexampled menu ( scarcely anything on it had exchange ) but everything was off to a clean normal start . She returned a few minutes later with some waters and took down our orders . We decided to start dim-witted with some chips and salsa .
“ Then she disappeared for about 20 minutes , came back with the check we had range , but no salsa . When we asked about it she enjoin ‘ Oh right ! ’ disappeared for another five second or so and came back with a bottle of Tabasco sauce . My boss : ‘ Thanks , but what about the salsa ? ’
“ ‘ That ’s your salsa ! ’ she exclaimed with complete confidence , point at the Tabasco sauce . We all just kind of look at each other .
“ ‘ Do you have any queso dip or guacamole instead ? ’ my party boss asked .
“ ‘ No , sorry . Just this salsa . ’ ” –Kevin Parker
No more bread, please
“ Years ago , my married woman and I last to a yap - in - the - wall Italian restaurant next to the movie field we frequented . We placed our order and the server brought us some bread . My wife bit into a piece , looked nonplused and pulled a cigarette filter out of her back talk . I called over the manager , narrate him what happened and showed him the grounds .
“ He took one look , analyzed the situation and sound out , ‘ Do you require more bread ? ’ ” –Ted Sapers
Pushing anaphylaxis
“ My hubby and I were out with another twosome at a locally owned place that was a reasonably decent for our small townsfolk . Our waiter was 19 or mayhap 20 .
“ manifestly , the faculty had been told to push some of the appetizers hard , because even after we ordered some other appetizers , she keep asking if we wanted the Bang Bang Rock Shrimp . I ’m hypersensitized to shellfish , so we just politely maintain saying no , until I ’d lastly had enough ( I intend , at this tip , we ’d already regularise our access ) . I just sound out , ‘ Thanks , but I ’m allergic to shellfish , so we wo n’t be ordering it . ’
“ She said , with a completely straight face , ‘ Oh , there ’s no shellfish in it . It ’s just half-pint . ’ I just politely say that shrimp are shellfish , and she was legitimately confused and surprised . In my question , I think ‘ How many people have you unknowingly killed since you startle working here ? ’ I intend , if she was advertize pecan pie and someone say they were allergic to nuts , would she say , ‘ Oh , there are n’t nuts in it – just pecans ? ’ ” –Amanda Hamels
Math is hard
“ I deal a Rita ’s Italian Ice which serve delicate icy custard in Vanilla , Chocolate , and ( in stores that have multiple sonant service machines ) a rotation of three other savour . All the flavors are made by adding a flavored sirup to the vanilla extract custard admixture in store . One day I was training a young employee how to assess out the right sum of money . Most of the employees are high schooltime students , so we assume nothing about how much they know .
“ Since we were not run to be very busy on this day and there was already some mix in the auto , I decided that we would make a half deal of our normal formula . I told the 16 - year - old new employee that we only need one-half of the 64 oz carton of vanilla extract custard mix , handed her a measuring pitcher , and asked her how much that would be . She stare at me blankly for a moment and responded that she did n’t bonk because she was n’t good at math .
“ I mentally shrugged and asked ‘ all right , well , what would half of 60 oz be ? ’ thinking that perhaps with a pear-shaped number she ’d be better off . We could act up to the correct response .
“ She thought for a second and responded ‘ 20 ? ’
“ ‘ Uh , no . What about one-half of 6 ? ’ Maybe if we get to one fingerbreadth turn we ’ll be okay .
“ Her response : ‘ 4 ? ’
“ At that level I gave up and told her the answer . I did n’t even seek to walk her through half of the three ounce of smack mix we involve . ” –Linda Kotter
She’s definitely not racist, but…
“ My husband and I were having tiffin at a local restaurant ( not a Ernst Boris Chain place ) . It ’s a basic tiffin / dinner party place process the criterion : club sandwich , caesar salad , burgers , etc . We were sitting on the terrace area , and a couple , I ’d say in their late 20s , was sat at a table next to us right after we gave our drink . Our waiter ask if it was a special occasion , and the fair sex said it was the man ’s birthday , so she was treating him to lunch . The host asked if they were a couple , and they , who for the ease of storytelling we ’re run to call Emma and Noah , said no , just friend .
“ Midway through , the server came out with another server , and went around to each tabular array to tell us he was go on break , but Olivia would take fear of us . Fine . The only issue was when he came to Emma and Noah ’s mesa . He explained they were there for Noah ’s birthday and Olivia said they were a very cunning duet . Emma correct her , ‘ actually we ’re just friends . ’
“ Olivia : ‘ No , I can just smell these things . You two definitely have chemistry . Are you go bad to get married before long or have you just started dating ? ’
“ Emma : ‘ We ’re emphatically not date and not getting married . ’
“ At this pointedness , the server told them the food would be out soon and ruffle Olivia aside .
“ The repast continue and was fine , except Olivia kept insist Emma and Noah were a couple , even accuse them of not admitting it because they thought she was anti-Semite . Olivia did remember it was Noah ’s natal day , so he got the free ice cream and candle . My husband and I found the whole thing very funny to watch . We paid and were getting ready to go when she cede the check to Emma and Noah . Emma say , ‘ Oh here , you could just take this right away , ’ and declare oneself her notice .
“ Olivia : ‘ Are you serious ? ’
“ Emma : ‘ What ? ’
“ Olivia to Noah : ‘ Are you really going to have your lady friend pay ? What ’s up with that ? ’
“ Emma : ‘ Hi , I ’m right here . One , he ’s not my boyfriend . Two , it ’s my money and I get to drop it however I desire . I want to ante up , so please take my board . ’
“ Olivia : ‘ No . I ’m not going to allow this cat force you to pay . It ’s not right to demand a girl out , then make her pay . ’
“ Noah : ‘ OK , just drop off the hinderance then and come back in a few minutes . Then you wo n’t have to see who pay . ’
“ Olivia : ‘ No . The minute of arc I twist my back you ’re going to force her to bear , I know it . Why ’d you ask her out if you ca n’t yield it ? ’
“ Emma : ‘ His money is not your concern . Now take my circuit card or get the manager . ’
“ Eventually , Olivia ’s yelling was enough that someone inside must have discover , because the coach came out and air Olivia in . He hear to Noah and Emma , then took Emma ’s card and pronounce he would guide it . ” – Pauline Gray
Do you have a restaurant , home - cookery , or any other food - next narration you ’d wish to see appear in Off the Menu ( on ANY subject , not just this one ) ? Please e - chain mail WilyUbertrout@gmail.com with “ Off the Menu ” in the dependent stock ( or you could find me on Twitter@EyePatchGuy ) . Submissions are always welcome !
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