To the rest of the United States , much of Illinois probably seems like the bastion of normality , particularly when compare to , say , Florida . However , something sinister bushwhack underneath our Roseanne and Dan Connor - esque Middle - American frontal : corruption ! erotica dependance ! Uhhh … moo-cow tipping ! To our fellow Illinoisans : Take heart . Although our state may seem pretty ass - backwards at times , at leastourantics have n’t inspired any cringeworthy Twitter account lately . ( Yup , that was another gibe at you , Florida ! )
You can expect to get ticketed for something utterly ridiculous
If you think having to pay $ 100 for not making it through an intersection in three second or less was bad , it in reality does get unsound ( this IS Illinois after all ) . type in percentage point : In Joliet , you’re able to get charged with a misdemeanor for mispronouncing the townsfolk ’s name as “ Jolly - ette . ” Downstate in Collinsville , you’re able to be slapped with a $ 100 fine if your pants fall more than 3 in below your hips , and both Cicero and Evanston have law prohibiting whistling at sure times . Suddenly , scram a ticket for a burned - out permit plate light source does n’t seemsobad .
A new sport was created thanks to those jerky jumping fish
The Ithiel Town of Havana , Illinois has become home to the big universe of Asian carp on terra firma , much to the chagrin of residents who like they could still boat on the Illinois River without having hundreds of asshole Pisces fell out of the piddle and smack them in the aspect . The root ? “ Redneck sportfishing tournaments , " where participant taste to entrance the damned devil Pisces as they fly through the air . The freakish flying carp weigh around 40lbs , develop as great as 5 foot , can jump as high as 10 ft in the breeze , and have been known to make stack of wiped out bones .
The lovely town of Elmhurst, Illinois became the porn-seeking capital of the US
In 2010 , a study found that the little , pleasant , safe , and ( seemingly ) extremist - normal suburb of Elmhurst , Illinois was , in fact , the porn - seeking capital of the US . The town ranked No . 1 in the land for not one , not two , butthreesearch term : “ porn , ” “ xxx , ” and “ sex . " No one was more baffled by these finding than Elmhurst itself , with a spokesman for the city manager ’s office quoted as enjoin , “ Are you certain it ’s Elmhurst , Illinois and not Elmhurst , New York ? ” We ’ll never look at you the same room , Elmhurst .
Political corruption is beyond expected
It ’s slightly dry that the United States Department of State that engender the political life history of “ Honest Abe ” has since become one of the most politically corrupt commonwealth in the US . Six Illinois governors have been charge with crimes , four of which were convict . Of course , that does n’t include the scores of othercorrupt Illinois politicians . Perhaps it ’s clip to switch our shibboleth from “ Land of Lincoln ” to “ Land of Corruption ? " In the word of former Governor Rod Blagojevich , that would be “ fucking prosperous . "
A portion of the state tried to secede… from itself
In 2011 , people in Central and Southern Illinois got so sick and tired of being overshadowed by Chicago – which , they ’d like to remind you , isnotthe capital of Illinois . They decided they were n’t going to take it anymore , damn it . The solution ? Downstate politician actually proposed making Cook County a separate state . Needless to say , that idea fell bland pretty tight . Given that or so three - quarters of all Illinois house physician hold out in the Chicagoland sphere , that belike would ’ve been a jolly crappy mess for the stay Illinoisans .
But “Southern Illinois” may as well be another country to most Chicagoans
Chicagoans have a really bad wont of referring to everything south of I-80 as “ Southern Illinois , ” even though it ’s barelycentralIllinois . If you ’re from the Chicagoland country , there ’s a very , very good fortune that you ’ve in all likelihood never been further south than Springfield – which you probably visit only because you were drag there on a course field trip .
“Cheap Trick Day” is a state holiday
In 2007 , the Illinois General Assembly declare April 1st “ sleazy Trick Day ” to abide by the band , which originated in Rockford . While that ’s definitely not an April Fool ’s Day gag , those silly Illinois lawmaker do get an A+ for pluck the punniest Clarence Shepard Day Jr. of the class . deplorably , unlike Casimir Pulaski Day – one of Illinois ’ more obscure holidays – you wo n’t be getting flashy Trick Day off any time soon .
Life-sized cows are carved out of 500lbs of butter
For nearly 100 year , the fine folks at the Illinois State Fair have showcased a life - sized Butter Cow has been one of the most pop attractions at the Illinois State Fair . In 2009 , someone decided to make the whole thing even weirder by adding a buttery Abe Lincoln alongside the butter moo-cow . Rumor has it that after the fair is over , all 500lbs are shipped off to Texas so they can electrocute the intact damn affair and serve it attheirstate comely . ( OK , kidding . We totally made that last part up . )
Peak baggers make the, uh, grueling trek up to Illinois' highest peak
Alaska has Mount McKinley , Washington has Mount Rainier , and Oregon has Mount Hood . Here in Illinois , we have something far grander : the driveway of Jean and Wayne Wuebbels – more commonly known as Charles Mound . Given that Illinois is the vapid state in the US , it should occur as no surprisal that Charles Mound is essentially just a small hill . Four time per year , the Wuebbels open their Din Land up to visitor who wish to make the unreliable promenade up to Illinois ’ highest natural peak .
Pumpkin overkill (sorry, America)
The pumpkin - flavor craze may be the good thing that ’s ever happen to Illinois farmers and the worst thing that ’s ever happen to the relaxation of America . Illinois is actually the top producer of Cucurbita pepo in the country ( who knew ? ! ) . Now you may entirely absolve every single # pumpkin - season # selfie you post to Instagram this pin as support for Illinois farmers .
Barn raves are an actual thing
What do Illinoisans do when they fine-tune from moo-cow tipping ? They have barn raves , which are basically weird company hosted by some random sodbuster who probably had a speculative crop yr and decided to take in some redundant cash by hosting hundreds of sloshed stripling and a few subpar DJs . If you go to college at any land university outside of Chicago , there ’s a very good chance you attended a barn rave at least once .
Someone built a 170ft-tall bottle of catsup, because why not?
Collinsville – the same town that ’ll fine you $ 100 for not wearing a knock – is home to both the mankind ’s largest catsup bottleful and an one-year fete celebrating the bottleful ’s existence . Of course , that ’s not necessarily theweirdest roadside attractionin Illinois : The state is also home to theLeaning Tower of Nilesand a 64 ft statue of Ramses fix next to a24 - carat gold Great Pyramid , and a two - tarradiddle outhouse . Nope , that was n’t a erratum .
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