Beer festivals are an unavoidable part of the Craft Beer Lifestyle at this point . YourGABFs . YourDark Lord Daysand Darkness Days and other not - darkness - themed sturdy release . Yourcrappy beer festivalsthat you work to anyway because they were ripe than , well , not drinking . Once you ’ve attended a few of them , you notice the same types of citizenry appearing again and again . Like these fine people …
The Guy Who’s a Little Too Excited About His Pretzel Necklace
He come prepared . Three unlike size of pretzels and a baggie of track premix drop from the bottom that may or may not have some cosmic string high mallow tap to the back . He ’s constantly puff out his chest as if to say " I made this . " He will be very sick of pretzel in an minute .
The People Hyping a Brewery That Doesn’t Exist Yet
" Oh , you comment our smutty and powerhouse - orange bowling shirts with the impossibly large ' Hellfire Brewing ' logotype ? What ’s Hellfire Brewing ? So beaming you ask because it ’s go down to open up sometime in 2020 . Would you like a sticker ? Because we have spikelet . "
The One-Upper
No matter how estimable a beer is , this person has smack a better version that unquestionably is n’t useable at this festival . And even if you ’ve had that version ? They probably had it on draft copy before you did , so it was FOR SURE fresher .
The Guy Who Never Learned to Walk in a Crowd
Is forever either trap and obstruct dealings menses or barrel through people while somehow spilling on everyone from a 2 oz taster glassful . His skills will not better as the mean solar day move on .
The Guy Who Knows He Has the Best Beard in the Whole Damn Place
It ’s splendid . Full yet restrain . rich . Meticulously groomed . Imposing . Go in front and gaze . Bask in its glory as you note the quiet confidence in his face . This man knows things . This man has seen thing . This man has a 4.8 military rank as aLyft driverwhen he ’s not bartending part - clip at an above - medium beer bar .
The BeerAdvocate Review Come to Life
It ’s merely not normal to say " mouthfeel " that many times in one day , OK ?
The OG
Has been coming to this fest since it was just an illegal gathering of seven dudes with a tent in an super grueling to find back street . Is get into an incredibly old brewery T - shirt that has been through 1,000 washes but still search arrant . Has better taradiddle than anyone here .
The Naysayer
Knows damn well all of the most - hyped beers that will be at this matter and is fully fain to call them all " underwhelming " while extolling the virtues of the spectacularly clean kolsch he find at some brewery with no line . Once calledThe Godfather"kind of prosaic . "
The Slightly Overwhelmed Volunteer
Is the beer maker ’s protagonist ’s cousin or something . Someone just asked what form of hop are in this double IPA but the brewer just stepped away for a second and uh oh looks like the kegful just kick and WHERE IS EVERYONE ? !
The Brewery Groupie
Hoodie ? Check . personal identification number ? Check . Talking to the brewer like he ’s an old friend and hold up the line for everyone else ? Check .
The First-Timer
Will inevitably amount out of the gate way too fast , draw a blank to eat , and have some kind of terrible mischance in a porta potty before go forth ahead of time .
The Sour Junkie
The pleasure of IPAs have wear thin . Stouts have grown tedious . Only the magic of wild agitation can agitate this well - traveled palate anymore . Any brewery without a false might as well be stress to get signature for a Greenpeace prayer .
The Bro Brigade
They ’re decked out in their finest North Face wearing apparel , ready to alternately gas about their finance job and about all the rare beer they ’ve bought on the resale market because who has time to actually wait in line at releases .
The Parent(s) Who Scored a Babysitter
The nestling ’s like a year sometime . They have five free hr and they ’re drinking like every booth just announced it was almost out of beer . They will really detest tomorrow .
The Barrel-Aged Snob
If it did n’t spend many month hang out in a whisky or brandy or wine-coloured or some other boozy barrel , then do n’t bother . It was aged on oak buffalo chip , you say ? YOU TAKE THAT GARBAGE OUT OF HERE !
The Ill-Prepared Food Truck Owner
Just got the ol' Queso Wagon running a couple of months ago . Had never served at a fest this big before but was pretty trusted everything would be fine . run out of food in 17 minute .
The Wheeler-and-Dealer
Did n’t have time to drink at the fete because of all the fourth dimension spent chase after down nine dissimilar strangers he pre - staged trade with .
“It’s So Good” Guy
Has one simple three - word brushup for every single beer here . venture what it is ? Incidentally … it ’s also his brushup of every undivided episode ofThe Big Bang Theory .
The Line Complainer
Somehow thought their friends would be the only ones attending this 90 - brewery festival . Really detest Disney World as a kid .
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Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
