The 24 Weirdest Food Items You Can Buy on Amazon

Amazon has gone from a menial internet book - seller to a tentacled interweb leviathan that grasps at every aspect of our daily lives and beyond . It ’s no arcanum that you could findsome super - eclectic shiton the behemoth , and these insane food - relate items are no exclusion . Some of these quirk are hard to believe , but we promise none of this is applesauce . Except for the haggis , which of course is quite literally tripe .

Crick-ettes

Price:$8.10Bugs are the solid food of the future , sheeple , so make likeTimon , Pumbaa , and child - to - young - adult - Simbaand start consume these grubs by the handful while singing about not giving a tinker’s dam about anyone or anything .

Squid ink

Price:$13.95I actually wish squid ink pasta , even if it makes my oral fissure bet like the Penguin fromBatman proceeds . But now I can savour my calamary ink straight out of the jar with a spoon .

Bullet ice cube tray

Price:$4.99Give a human being an water ice square block tray that make ice fastball , and he ’ll harbour himself for a day . Give a humankind an ice-skating rink regular hexahedron tray that makes ice bullets AND a halfway adequate Arnold Schwarzenegger printing , and he ’ll annoy everyone around him for the relief of his life .

Chinese century egg

Price:$15.89These preserved eggs are a fairly plebeian ravisher in China , but are n’t really 100 yr old … but like , they might as well be .

Air-chilled whole rabbit

Price:$29.99Trust me on this one , wild rabbit are extremely frisky and hard to catch . Once again 21st - hundred engineering tone in to make our life that much easier . Less sport , but wanton .

50 Ways to Eat Cockby Adrienne N. Hew

Price:$13.32I make out , I ’m surprised your mom did n’t write it , too .

Pre-filled communion cups (aka Eucharist Lunchables)

Price:$26.99Here is my proposed TV jingle for the Fellowship Cup : " When you ’re on the go , but call for to clean your soulfulness , stuff a Fellowship loving cup , down your sinning mouth - hole . " Might postulate a rewrite . TBD .

50lb bulk MSG

Price:$209.09Do you encounter your daily dieting lacking that clear-cut " budget Chinese intellectual nourishment " perceptiveness ? Do you discover that healthy levels of atomic number 11 in your food just are n’t disregard it for your taste buds ? Are you wait to blow your rakehell pressure through the roof so you may get some medico - mandated time off from piece of work ? Then this 50 lb bulk bag of pure MSG may be good for you !

The Cats Ass salt and pepper shaker set

damage : presently unavailableI , for one , only eat saltiness out of a Caterpillar ’s ass . This makes it more sanitary and a mess less weird .

Caffeinated water

Price:$29.65This just makes my mentality damage . Pick a side and stay put to it , body of water !

Bacon lube

Price : Currently unavailablePerfect for making bacon on the beach – if you have a go at it what I ’m say . ( Sex , I ’m spill the beans about sex . )

Chocolate gun with gun case

Price : presently unavailableAirport surety worker hate it !

Canned smoked rattlesnake

Price:$23.99I mean , how nerveless would it be to have to pick out piece of dead rattlesnake from your tooth ? That ’s some Pecos Bill - level shit right there .

Spam Snacks

Price:$29.15To Spam Snacks , I dedicate this simple haiku : Who would purchase this stuff / Spam Snacks , disgusting , you are / Maybe Hawaii ?

Canned haggis

Price:$11.39You hear it here first : haggis is the next trendysuperfood .

Giant bologna sandwich wall sticker with one bite missing

Price:$89.98This Fathead - esque giant wall sticker of a plain bologna sandwich with a single bite missing is exactly what your human race undermine needs to bring it to young level of milquetoast .

Jellyfish noodles

Price:$42.40Pair them with squid ink for a spread paroxysm for a shoe crab .

Giant bag of cereal marshmallows

Price:$10.29This is my 6 - twelvemonth - old self ’s dreaming make out true . And now , as an grownup , I ’m too scared of early onset diabetes to even order it .

Petchup, Muttstard, and Mutt-n-aise combo

Price:$27.95Just to be clear , these are condiments for dogs . Not hot dogs . I mean they are condiments signify to be eat by dogs . I mean , I reckon you could feed your dog spicy dogs and put these on top , but that just seems a little excessive . Anyway , they have cagy figure .

Kangaroo jerky

Price:$4.95If " Foster ’s " is Australian for beer then " kangaroo " must be Australian for beef , which lead me to believe Australian rodeos are absolutely insane .

Canned unicorn meat

Price:$12.81Apparently , these cans are filled with chop - up pieces of stuffed brute . So , I gauge this is just a " novelty , " but it mat like an cellular inclusion here was guarantee . And almost anything can be a " food , " if you try hard enough and know a good gastroenterologist .