Austin is one of thebest position to live , find a job , andown that unmarried - noblewoman lifestyle(hey - o ! ) . But that does n’t intend life is one constant , barbecue - sauce - glazed dream come reliable from the moment you equal down and buy your first pair of cowboy boots . Whether you immigrate to unite a band ( read : bartend ) , take up technical school since it ’s right smart cheaper than Silicon Valley , or simply because you pay $ 10 for Tinder Plus and were proud of with the remote swiping results , you ’re destine to experience the same unbelievable highs and undeniable " I hate everything " lows as every other new Austinite . We ’ve taken these moments and categorized them into seven inevitable chronological degree .

Stage one: the honeymoon phase

Where you ’re living : A shiny new apartment complex or condominium that was n’t there a hebdomad and a one-half agoWhere you ’re going out : Sixth St , you just do n’t know any betterYour mantra:“This is AWESOME!”Go - to activity : Everything on your “ Austin Bucket List ! ” Google doc you made before moving here

After experiencing Austin vicariously through Snapchat stories , repeatedDazed and Confusedscreenings , and that ’ 05 season ofReal World , you ’ve arrive eager and mad and directly thrown yourself into every body process conceivable .

You ’re playing on a sand volleyball game team at Zilker once a week and taking improv socio-economic class ; you ’re the lofty owner of both tie - dye and fire - Orange River apparel ; and your trivia squad – My Affliction Is True Religion – regularly loads in the top five at your favorite weekly Geeks Who Drink consequence . You ’ve come across someone throw up on Dirty Sixth , you survived ( and actually enjoyed ! ) your first SXSW , and you ’ve already started search for next theatre on Zillow because WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER LEAVE THIS MAGICAL PLACE ? ! You ’ve even made the trek to Hippie Hollow , and have some sufficiently clumsy sunburns to show for it .

Austin, Texas

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Stock up on aloe vera and savor these splendid prosperous day … they wo n’t last perpetually .

Stage two: the wannabe phase

Where you ’re last : A slimly less shiny and somewhat new apartment building complex ( you maverick!)Where you ’re die out : You meet some “ hippie ” and you ’ve been following them around to all these “ hipster ” bars on the East SideYour mantra:“Keep Austin weird”Go - to natural action : taste to convince everyone that you ’re a local

After living here for about six month , you find like you ’ve put down some ascendent and are on your fashion to becoming a real Austinite . You boast about your high cholesterol being a badge of honour signifying your significant queso consumption , you frequently reference Leslie and Liberty Lunch in conversation to demonstrate your deepness of Austin knowledge . You make it a point to check in at every show so your admirer from back household are constantly aware of how much fun you ’re having in the Live Music Capital . You even wipe out the photo of you and your friends pose in front of the “ I love you so much ” mural for awe you ’ll come off as a poser and jeopardise your hard - earned – ego - proclaimed– local position .

Sure , you may still have a California permit plate , but you ’ve master the right pronunciation of “ Manchaca , ” and that ’s what really look , right ?

sxsw

GSPhotography / Shutterstock.com

Stage three: the legit-local phase

Where you ’re live : You and your friends establish an actual planetary house ! With an actual backyard ! And actual neighbour ! ( And peradventure termites and/or asbestos … it was a really , really good deal)Where you ’re going out : You’ve developed a healthy hate for Dirty Sixth , West Sixth , and the gravid Downtown area entirely , and have expanded your imbibing visible horizon to include dive bars and long - demonstrate watering hole … as long as you’re able to pedal thereYour mantra:“I’m not driving”Go - to activity : yield the fact you spent all your move - to - Austin savings on festival tickets and Whole Foods trips during the first two phases , somewhat much anything that ’s gratis

Fun fact : when you last stopped gasconade about being a local , you basically became one . You’re substantially calmer than you were during the first two phases and and have settled into a more lay - back lifestyle and go - with - the - stream creation … aka averaging 4.9 night out per week alternatively of 6 . You ’ve watch to bypass claustrophobia - inducing events like vapours On the Green in favour of more under - the - radar personal matters , and you ’ve finally stopped Instagrammingevery singleBarton Springs trip-up and Matthew McConaughey or Elijah Wood sighting . You ’ve even acquired a Wheatsville Co - op membership and adopt a few chickens because , screw it , why not .

Basically , you ’ve realized that true Austinite condition is about more than just a 512 area - code and passably questionable facial whisker . It ’s a mindset . Plusa lot of other things .

Family in backyard

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Stage four: the “constantly complaining about everything” phase

Where you ’re living : The same spot you were in during phase three ( after move in August multiple times , you ’ve adjudicate you ’d rather just die here … which you might , given the aforementioned asbestos)Where you ’re going out : One of the few places left that meet your requirements for being toughie / organic / artisanal / established / local / whatever enoughYour mantra:“Ugh”Go - to activity : Actively judging everyone who go here after you and pretending you were never part of the problem

The rose - color glasses you wore throughout the first three stages disappear at some degree , and Austin has officially lose its luster . It ’s not that 104 degrees is really any hotter than it was last summertime , that you ’ve been bombarded by that many more Facebook ads for new craft cocktail bar , or that I-35 isthat much moreof a tire fire . Nothing ’s that different , and nothing ’s really bad than it was six , 18 , 24 months ago . It ’s just that at some detail you reach a personal tipping point , and your life mindset shifted from Shiner Bock half - full to Shiner Bock half - empty . ( Maybe when the lake went from full to empty . )

Your once - good - natured intestinal colic has escalated into bona fide bitching , and – as materialize to all season Austinites – you ’ve been span up in a self - fulfilling whirlwind of altogether cliché complaints . Even your societal media posts are pissy , with update consisting entirely of listicles outlining the way Austin has changed , status bemoan the extravagant amount of EDM on the ACL lineup , and memes about how people should move to Dallas instead .

Man in car

Olaf Speier/Shutterstock

So , you spend the majority of your clip doing some seriously first - world whining . But hey , you ’ve had to conduct with A TON of dealings to earn that right , OK ?

Stage five: the Austinite mid-life crisis

Where you ’re living : Somewhere with some dude from Craigslist because all your roommates move away or got marriedWhere you ’re going out : One of the few remaining establishments where you have n’t hooked up with a bartender ( yet ) … which at this compass point is pretty much just Applebee’sYour mantra:“What am I DOING with my life?!”Go - to bodily function : Party , coiling , repeat

You ’ve somehow out - partied the rest of the population , and your once occasional " my life is a mess hall " meltdown have become a steady hebdomadary happening . After all , c’m on , a person can only eatso much barbecueand expend so many weekends at swimming hole , and attend so many festivals . ( Seriously – how is therealways a festival ? ! ) Plus you ’ve alreadydated every somebody in Austin , you ’ve put on at least 10lbs in taco weighting , and what if there ’s nothing more to biography than partying and music and shows and sunshine and biking and brunch AND THEN IT ‘S 40 YEARS LATER AND YOU’RE onetime AND ALONE WITH YOUR SHELTER animate being IN A STUDIO APARTMENT THAT SMELLS LIKE OLD BRISKET AND SHATTERED DREAMS ? !

At least those are the thoughts that haunt you on the rougher dawning , which is most forenoon . Your friends might really take your threats to forget Austin badly if you did n’t text them that you ’re “ severely leaving . ” Every . Single . Sunday .

Man frustrated in living room

g-stockstudio/Shutterstock

Stage six: the “whoa you actually left” phase

Where you ’re living : Anywhere but Austin … mayhap Detroit ? Hell , Jack White has a phonograph record store in the city , right ? And you could sure as shooting afford a house THERE.Where you ’re go out : You’re currently working your way of life down the listing of best bars thatThrillist has without a doubt publish for your unexampled urban center of residence , it ’s all you ’ve gotYour mantra:“I think I ’ve made a terrible mistake”Go - to activity : Second - opine this decision , primarily

Congrats ! After complaining for countless calendar week / calendar month / years/ about how Austin hastotally changed , you finally snap . Whether the final stalk appeared in the form of an steep rent hike , a parking ticket on a street that did n’t even have metre the day before , or the fact that your favorite dive prevention lost its lease to an LA restaurateur with a dress shop burrito conception , man , you actually did it : you left !

certainly , once summer hits , you experience a example of crippling FOMO triggered by photos ofyour supporter lounging at Sculpture Falls and laughing on boat and see show at Stubb ’s and eating Tacodeli and always , always , alwaysdrinking margaritas . ( Seriously – it ’s 2:15pm on a Tuesday and they ’re all drinking margarita . ) But , hey ! Your newfangled lens hood isup - and - coming , the scene isfresh , and everything is thereeeeal deeeealand has n’t been subvert by bighearted commercial enterprise and gentrification – or at least that ’s what you try and order yourself after getting carjack … again .

Person diving

Nathan B Dappen/Shutterstock

Stage seven: the “Honey, I’m home” phase

Where you ’re living : Anywhere that ’s still affordableWhere you ’re go out : All of the bar that were built in your absence , it ’s a whole fresh worldYour mantra:“Well , it ’s better than Dallas”Go - to natural action : eat everything you missed when you were expire

After your hiatus – arumspringaof sorting – you snap to your senses , realized there ’s no place like home , and made your triumphal return to the prognosticate soil … which now has a shockingly unlike sensible horizon . Sure , housing Mary Leontyne Price have uphold to increase , limiting your living options to the outskirts of Austin ( known by Google map and , um , actual zip codes as Cedar Park and Buda ) . And yeah , the cool startup where you were previously working has been acquire by a incorporated whale that ’s corrupted the hoodie - and - craft - beer culture with pantsuits and literal HR policies . And OK , fine , at least six of your former favorite bar have been shutter in your absence .

But , hey , you ’re back , your Quaker with a sauceboat still lives here , and you ’re quick to start all over again at stage one . Because while Austin may be a total pain in the ass , whatever other urban center you lam to was equally intolerable – just for other reasons entirely .

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