There ’s no doubt that Houston is one of the salutary places to exist . You live here for a ground , right ? But whether that reason was because of your employment in oil and gun ( likely ) , your significant other ’s study in oil and gas ( also likely ) , or because you moved here on a notion after reading about justhow friendly our metropolis ’s drivers are(less probably ) , we ’re all designate to go through the same Houston lifecycle . You ’ll have high highs and down that make you wonder why you ever incite to this goddam snake pit in the first place . Do n’t worry , there ’s a felicitous conclusion … in all probability .
Stage one: The “what the hell did I just do?” phase
Where you ’re exist : A skillful flat in Pearland that was so cheap!Where you ’re run short out : You’re not on the button certain yet … Your mantra:“It’ll get good , right?”Go - to activity : Trying to notice a fresh place to be
You thought Houston was suppose to be affordable . But then you saw the prices for flat in Montrose , Midtown , and Washington and realized , wait , no , it ’s totally not . So you started expanding your parametric quantity a bit and then hey , front at that – terms go down ! Why would anyone pay 1500 to hold out in a one bedroom / one bathroom apartment in Midtown when one-half of that could get you a two bedroom in Pearland . Plus , JJ Watt lives there … how bad can it be ?
Bad . The answer is really , preposterously bad . You lead toKillen ’s BBQyour first weekend and things were count up for a second , until the next weekend when you realized that was fairly much the best thing there is to do around here .
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After a few woeful weeks , your Colorado - proletarian ask in you to well-chosen hour for his Big Brothers charity atOKRA , and that was really cool of him , until you realized you had to push back 35 minutes to get home later on . Just when you ’re down in the rubbish dump and seeing absolutely zero worth in Houston , you get invited to join a signal flag football game league and finally start making some supporter .
It takes a bit , but you realize it ’s fourth dimension to leave JJ and Killen ’s behind after sleeping on your protagonist ’s couch for the fourth weekend in a run-in . It ’s probably for the good .
Stage two: the honeymoon phase
Where you ’re live : Metro MidtownWhere you ’re cash in one’s chips out : In Midtown , and only MidtownYour mantra:“Who ’s down for Sunday Funday!?”Go - to activity : Thursday Nox turtle races atLittle Woodrow’sfollowed by roulette wheel twisting atShot Bar
After a rough couple of months attempt to make friends outside the grummet , you have at long last get to the actualization that living in town is worth the striking to your savings bank account . Now that you survive in the Midtown political party zone , you plan to take FULL advantage . And you do .
You ’ve gotten curiously great at cornhole thanks to many a Sunday spent atIrish Cowboy , your “ Who ’s Your Daddy and What Does He Do ? ” Tuesday night trivia team is pretty much legendary atChristian ’s Tailgate ; and you host such an epic pregame for FPSF , you ’re still ascertain feathers engraft in your rug . Do n’t even get you start on rodeo time of year . You just actualise you’re able to walk to the light rail FROM YOUR flat .
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You get it now . Houston is a magical land . certain , the summer is blisteringly hot , but that just means more time for float beer pong . Plus , when your booster back home are dealing with the 8 foot of snow that just wo n’t relinquish even though it ’s March , you ’re sip patio beer and eating crawfish atFront Porch . You advance !
Stage three: the feeling local phase
Where you ’re living : Still Metro Midtown , but you moved to a two - chamber apartmentWhere you ’re going out : In Midtown , but you ’re unforced to venture to “ nerveless ” neighborhoods like Downtown , Montrose , and the HeightsYour mantra:“FYHA”Go - to activity : Brunch !
That crawfish , though . You ’ve finally perfected your peeling method and are pretty damn proud that you ’re no longer afraid to nurse the top dog . You love Cajun boils , of path , but now that you ’ve tried the game - commute Vietnamese style in Chinatown , you feel totally in the know . You ’re even planning a crawfish boil of your own , if the front desk will let you reserve space by the pool .
It ’s not just the crawfish ; you ’re start to see all the ins and outs of the intact city . You totally know how to enounce “ Humble ” and “ Milam ” now , and you even feel easy saying “ y’ all ! ” Just last week you joinedFlying Saucer ’s UFO Club and are all work to get a plate on the wall . Your entire dodgeball team is doing it , so why not ?
Little Woodrow’s|Flickr/Alan Cordova
After a few months , you participate into hipster territory , ignore the fact that you ’re go - to ordination used to be a skinny vanilla caffe latte and proclaim you ca n’t even think about commence your day without Blacksmith ’s day-after-day black or cafe sua da . This weekend , you ’re brunching atIzakaya , then snaffle a atomic number 5 - cycle to ride to the Museum District to check out that grass new art display at MFAH . Plus , there ’s that ceviche pop - up in Market Square on Sunday nighttime . You ca n’t wait .
Stage four: the “I’m never leaving the Loop” phase
Where you ’re living : Either a rented townhouse in Rice Military or a shiny new flat in Downtown because people are in reality living there nowWhere you ’re going out : For some beers along Main or Westheimer , if you make itYour mantra:“I’ll call an Uber in 20”Go - to action : tell on for houses on HAR , then crying when you see the prices
The honeymoon ’s not over … yet . You still bonk living in the city , and especially have intercourse a good night on the town , just so long as your Nox atPoison Girlends early enough for you to meet yourrunning groupat Memorial Park the next morning .
Also , you have an appointment with your realtor at 4 pm , so depend on how that break , you ’ll see how stock you are after . Last weekend was harsh , you get word like eight house , none of which had that subway roofing tile kitchen you ’ve been dreaming of except for that one place in Garden Oaks . Too bad it took you 25 minutes to get back into town . Nope , not happen .
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The naming went OK . You just need to rest your head for a minute before you contact up at Flying Saucer to work on getting that home base . Crap , you fell at rest again .
Stage five: the adulting phase
Where you ’re know : Your first home that is technically considered the Heights , though no one believe youWhere you ’re going out : In the Heights , there are so many raw bar and restaurants opening up , you ca n’t even!Your mantra:“There ’s this new home by my mansion … ” Go - to activity : doctor up your garden , and prove you’re able to still hang by irresponsibly going out on Sundays even though you have a huge presentation tomorrow
You ’re a homeowner now ! A responsible adult who tell on for blossom and flora food at Buchanan ’s and is practically good friends with the cashier at Southland Hardware . You have plenty to do , it ’s just , after pass what feels like 19 hours peruse local jams and honey at Urban Harvest farmers market and running around townsfolk dealing with traffic , you ’ve run into a breaking point . Not that you ’d rather live in the ' burbs and shop at Target or anything ; you just really , really take a beer .
So after a substantial break of the day of “ adulting hard , ” aSaint Arnoldpub Australian crawl does n’t seem like such a bad idea . Nay , it seems like an absolute necessity for survival . And it was totally awesome ! That is , until you arouse up with a handful of empty Pink ’s Pizza boxes that , for once in your animation , you ’re actually hop your hound got to . Is this workweek recycling or was it last ?
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Stage six: the “over it” phase
Where you ’re living : Your same sign in the Heights , though it ’s starting to feel claustrophobicWhere you ’re going out : The same damn bar you go to every damn weekYour mantra:“Ugh”Go - to activity : Constantly second - infer your determination to turn down that expat assignment in Hamburg
taxation in this city are crazy , are n’t they ? Seriously , you do n’t even have kids , what is all of your firmly - earned money going toward ? It ’s not like the city has fixed the damn potholes on your block ; your banged - up bumper can tell you that much . And that commute . Ugh . It ’s bug out to matter heavily on your soul . Even though it ’s reverse dealings , they ’ve shut down your exit off 45 for just about the millionth time , and now it ’s taking you an extra 20 min to get home . That ’s 20 transactions you could have spent taking your bounder on a long walk to the dog common , but now you have to let him out in the backyard because the commute is soooooo wearing . You do n’t even love the last time you made it to CrossFit ; you should really strike down that rank .
Your friend just texted you that he has an extra ticket for a show at White Oak and all you wrote back was “ LOL . ” You ’ll deflect that millennial circus and stay home tonight , thanks .
At least you still live in the Loop , though …
Stage seven: the “happily settling outside the loop” phase
Where you ’re go : A way more spacious home in a great school district that is has a bounteous backyard AND a poolWhere you ’re give-up the ghost out : To the potluck pool party down the streetYour mantra:“Wanna come over on Sunday ? I ’m grilling!”Go - to activity : Perfecting your smoked ribs and working on the pond
Call it whatever you want . Delusion . admit defeat . You ’re fine with it . Why ? Because your commute has been chopped down by half , your next kid will go to a great school , you have an outdoor kitchen , pool and cabana hooked up with AppleTV , and you just heard they ’re opening another location of Flying Saucer about 15 transactions away .
Looks like [ introduce whatever suburb you promised yourself you ’d never move to here ] ai n’t so tough after all .
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