We all knowwhat happen to your Facebook after you die out , but what about when something even more unthinkable and horrifying happens and you get dumped ?
Naturally , it all count on the situation . But if your heart was ripped out of your chest by fashion of one of your various orifices , thrown onto the land , lit on flaming , and then eaten – still aflame – by bears , you understandably in all probability have no theme what your next move should be on societal media . Before you let your fragile nation drive you to do something that ’ll make it even worse , take these steps so you may get back on your feet .
1. Deactivate your account
Not forever , of course , because – as we all jazz – it ’s physically unsufferable to keep yourself severalise from Uncle Chet ’s smoking - hot Trump takes indefinitely . However , receive a secure 24 - hour time period to reflect on your life , without looking at your ex ’s pics or printing off picture of her new boyfriend to throw darts at , can be relaxing . Try going alfresco or reading a book on what it ’s like to go outside .
2. Unfollow
Do n’t jam your ex-husband ! That ’s a halfway - school thing and you ’re a grown - ass adult . Hopefully . If you ’re in in-between school , still better to cover it like an grownup . By simply unfollowing ( rather than unfriending ) her , you will effectively block all statuses without giving them the atonement of having drive you to such bush - league maneuver . Plus , Facebook istesting out featuresthat will help exes see each other less – which is a effective affair .
3. Delete SOME of your pictures together
view this : permit ’s say you run across someone cute at a coffee shop . Or specialty muffin shop . Or a specialty cupcake shop ’s going - out - of - business spectacular . If this potential sexual love interest goes to your visibility and sees 1,001 motion-picture show of you and your ex at the beach from three weeks ago , it ’s not doing you any party favor . Just go back and delete pictures from one to three months ago , it ’s just enough time to give you an ample buffer storage zone between your newest picture and your honest-to-god . Plus , this is 2016 and we all roll in the hay thatnothingthat gets deleted vanish . If you ’re feeling really anxious about potentially losing memories , just download the record album before you take it out to pasture .
4. Add new pictures
Making a degree to add new pictures will inevitably direct to add together newfangled life experience , which is really the whole point of it all . Getting up and pose out of the business firm ( while document the experience ) will get you out of your estrus and show the world you ’re a fun , individual hombre ( or gal ! ) with nerveless friends ( yep ! ) and probably a mammoth member ( or not ! ) There areplenty of ways to make yourself look likeyou did n’t just pass your weekend eating milk - less Cheerios in your underwear .
5. Don’t overdo the self-righteous, depressing statuses
This is n’t 2003 and you ’re not on AIM any longer . At one point , Facebook was to vent about your emotions and place hopeful Eyes lyrics . However , now your parents and married protagonist are online and will definitely think you ’re deeply disturbed if you write horseshit like “ I have all but died from the sheer weight of my disgrace , you cried but no one came . ” On second sentiment , do n’t post any statuses on Facebook at all – that ’s what Twitter is for .
6. Upload a new profile picture
you’re able to find dates on any platformif you try intemperately enough , so who ’s to say you need to stick to Tinder to get favourable ? There are heap of fashion to ameliorate your photo secret plan – in fact , you’re able to even get someone totake the scene for you . Just make certain you look happy , healthy , and are holding $ 1,000 in cash . People love cash !
7. Be careful what you share
Facebook ’s slowly transformed over the years as a platform in which you now share interesting and newsworthy account rather than song lyric and pictures of you hold red Solo cup . That being said , you postulate to up your game by seriously filtering out what you portion out . Stray off from listicles comprised of puppy GIFs and sleepy-eyed tree sloth and hear for the more cerebral – albeit ostentatious – publications that everybody pretends to read : The New Yorker , Paris Review , and , of trend , McSweeney’s . Yes , I absolutely just linked my own article . This is to remind you to not back away from tastily promoting yourself a turn . And to ( hopefully ! ) think of you .
8. Instant happiness
OK fine – things might still suck for a while . But you ’re strong , dammit ! Eventually you ’re gon na find someone Modern and find yourself less and less obligate to drop time on Facebook ( you make out , because of all the sex and what not ) . In the meanwhile , nonplus with it and check that your Facebook habit ’s doing you more honorable than harm .
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Jeremy Glassis a author for Thrillist by Clarence Day , but moonlights as a sack of potatoes by dark .
Jennifer Bui/Thrillist
