It ’s Week 7 . Six men remain , if you count James Tayloras an grownup . Next hebdomad is hometowns , which means two of them will go home rise - less , while four will have their dad check out JoJo ’s rack while drinking Chardonnay on the screen - in porch . The stake are high .
We ’ve got a ridiculous amount of day of the month before of us . Just ludicrous . THREE one - on - ones , plus a mathematical group appointment with the refuse . And most of them are bad than the " bad " ace that pitiful scamp eat on inRaiders of the Lost Ark. Let ’s get to it .
The Alex One-on-One Date
" in the end ! ! " says an extra - floofy - hirsute Alex , who has had precisely zero one - on - one dates , to date . " I gaucho on my mind , " says the batting order . " That was the best punning about a res publica person experienced in traditional cattle - ranch body of work that I ever wrote , " says the manufacturer who did the identity card , and he might just be right-hand . Alex makes it light that he ’s not looking at this as a chance to devolve in love with JoJo – he ’s take care at it as a probability for JoJo to fall in love withhim . Also , he ’s plan on strike in sexual love with JoJo any moment now . I ’m so beaming he ’s let this all map out .
Since he ’s go to be stomach next to JoJo all date , Alex bust out the big boots for this one , but he ’s still about two inches shorter . The Jeep journey to Gaucho Farm Complete With a Guy Who Speaks English is rife with rarified fun : turning Pringles into hilariously mammoth fake lips , identifying crops as wheat berry , Alex freestyling exactly like white multitude with floofy hair are ask to freestyle .
When they arrive , Alex is directly shuttle off to the Gaucho Store , and regaining looking like a intercrossed newsie / failing Gallic impressionist painter who slip a belt from Cher . He ’s go capri pants , those rubber Orion bang that all the introductory chicas wear , and a bolo tie made of a napkin and a really nice napkin holder .
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Now , I Googled " gaucho " on the internet , as well as " gaucho lid , " and NONE of them wear down anything remotely like this . They ’re straight - up badass cowboys , with regular cowboy lid and boots that would get them ostracise from theSweetbitterbook club . It ’s like this one guy settle to sacrifice everything , dress up like that too so Alex would believe that ’s what gaucho jade , and put himself through the embarrassment of it all just so we could see the little human beings squirm .
Alex tell JoJo she " looks like something out of a Ralph Lauren manikin magazine , " and before you know it , one gaucho is show off his crazy sawhorse - break away tactic . He does lots of horse face - grabbing , twists the horse around in crazy way that horses are not supposed to twist , and finally re - creates at least four different kama sutra position . These guys must get killed weekly . prove he really did have sex with the horse but is a heartless lover , the gaucho further Alex and JoJo to smooch the sawbuck on the primer , and so they do , they lay on it like they wereLaura Dern inJurassic Parkand the horse were an ill triceratops .
Come dark , Alex melt JoJo ’s heart with the realization " today is confirmation that , somehow , I ’m still here , " then there ’s talk of hometowns , and how he wants to get hammered and watch sports with her brothers , and eventually … how he ’s falling in love with her . Oh boy . He fell in love with her the 2d he saw her , in fact ! But presently ? Still accrue in love .
None of this makes JoJo well-chosen , on the dot . Really , it make her count confused , and possibly a bit tempestuous . Maybe frightened . Certainly not overjoyed , or even responsive . But Alex , molded by a lifetime of unforgiving commanding officers who shout horrible matter and make face but deep down lie with all their men , charge ahead , undeterred . He feel awesome ! And he wants to be the person to see her find the room he feels right now . She ’s essentially shown her paw of not being into any of this sudden and very uneven love on the face of it facilitated by a post - coital gymnastic horse , and he ’s demanding give-and-take .
Time to fell the JoJo malleus . When Alex told her this stuff , she did n’t feel as excited as she should experience . She should be ! activated ! And palpate like they ’re on the same Sir Frederick Handley Page ! But , she does n’t . And she wo n’t . And it ’s fourth dimension for Alex to trudge home , which will take a while because his legs are the distance of coffee tree cans .
In some ways , you have to respect Alex for going for it here , even if – or perhaps particularly because – he cognise he might be on the verge of getting chop . For shake off up one last Hail Mary , and not giving any fucks whatsoever about looking like a total assclown who confessed his love for a girl he ’d spent a total of five hours with on a realness TV show . In all other way , nobody has to respect Alex at all , for anything .
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The Aaron Rodgers' Brother One-on-One Date
This date sucks until the very goal , so let ’s speedcap it and then get to that . They take a limo , to a private plane , to a vinery , just like in his even life , then stomp on grapes , tope the fundament - succus and blaspheme it tastes expert , hot - tub for a minute , and make out .
Come nighttime , JoJo is wearing that Angelina Jolie wearing apparel with the leg thing , and JoJo asks Jordan , a.k.a . Aaron Rodgers ' Brother , who would be at his hometown day of the month , manifestly wait for him to say " Aaron Rodgers ' Brother ’s Brother , who is named Aaron . " But he does n’t say this ! mummy and dad , certain . Brother Luke ? You betcha . Carl Weathers ? Absolutely ! Even though Carl Weathers is unfortunately a heel , and nottheCarl atmospheric condition . Still cool , though .
The grownup reveal here is that Aaron Rodgers will definitelynotbe at the hometown appointment of Aaron Rodgers ' Brother . He ’s got a big plot , right ? Polemonium van-bruntiae event ? ensure Olivia Munn does n’t ditch him for an A - list Comic - Con attendant ? Nope . Apparently he ’s got no relationship with his brother , which is pitiful , but , hey , whatever . The part where it gets weird is that he fundamentally implies that Aaron Rodgers is a terrible sidekick and a terrible son , and does n’t really hang out with his family anymore . Aaron Rodgers , the guy everyone loves who does all sort of great stuff ! And this is how fail quarterbacks get back at their sometime , good - quarterback brothers who probably advisedly farted in their face one prison term .
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Also , he tells JoJo that he ’s in beloved with her , and she does n’t recoil him off the show .
The Rained-Out Group Date
JoJo ’s particular date card for Chase , James Taylor , and Robby reads " let our love soar , " but it got rained out , so we ’ll just have to guess at what they would ’ve done : vaporize somewhere . Flown kite . Tied the word " sexual love " to birds and watched them fly until their vestibular sense was thrown off by the extra weighting and they crash . Exchanged canker sores , lovingly .
Instead of those things , JoJo ’s got a live replacement date : staying in her hotel room , defeat about six minibars ' Charles Frederick Worth of booze , and fiddle all sort of game ! It really seems like a helluva time . They play Pictionary , and sexily rub down each other in a Bachelor Centipede chain that can only be adding and not removing any tension . Robby chooses " dare " and runs around defenseless , James Taylor makes Robby show his butt , and James Taylor shoves upwardly of 40 French fries in his mouth because he ’s such a goof and all he knows how to do is goof and goof and goof some more .
The one - on - one clip is a parade of heavy eyelids and words they squeeze out with just enough focussing to not slur themtoobadly . Robby somehow break away up with his girlfriend four month ago even though they ’ve been on this show for almost two now , and trial are like a year before that . Chase is boring . James Taylor says JoJo will get to match his dad James Taylor , who is also not really James Taylor , and JoJo has enough plane bottles of Goose in her to kiss him . Robby get the rosebush , and James Taylor is starting to make that whenever he take care JoJo ’s smile face – and oh how sweet it is – he ’s got a champion in her , and nothing more . He was a sucker to deal . I ’m not certain anyone knows that last James Taylor song , but it fit .
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The Luke One-on-One Date
JoJo definitely has a character : handsome , and hell - bent on having irksome , pointless conversations . Luke , who show up in fateful jean so tight that he would get beat whacky with spurs by any literal cowboys , regales JoJo with the tale of how he break his first horse at 12 , then he shoots clay with a scattergun and murder them all because he ’s a state of war hero . He severalize JoJo that he has no design for his spirit , and she ’s that vibrate with her , because he has abs . That ’s all I ’m giving you .
The Roses
James Taylor shaved for the Nox , and see frightening . JoJo gives a speech the producer wrote for her about how lamentable this all is . Luke ! issue forth and get your rosiness ! Aaron Rodgers ' Brother ! You too ! And … Chase , wind up out the leaning of bounteous boring dudes who do n’t do weird thing . Get your dads some dark sunglasses and head on home .
The James Taylor goodbye is like a conversation between a fairly bright seven - year - sure-enough and a hot adult little girl who say him sorry dearest , we ca n’t be beau and girlfriend , but you ’ll understand one sidereal day when you ’re a grownup . But apparently when he shoved those 40 Gallic fries in his mouth , he made JoJo a better person .
Next Week!
ask Chase ’s daddy to look exactly like Chase , Luke ’s folk to assume silly hats , and Aaron Rodgers ' Brother to talk about the " deep wounds " Aaron Rodgers has induce him , on interior television . My money ’s on the Rodgers tribe being the weird one .
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