Ever enquire how a James Beard Award - winningsommeliermight sizing up plain erstwhile bottled weewee ? Well , we did .

record Belinda Chang : insanely carry through wine-colored pro , Chicagoland native , and all - around hilarious human . Belinda heads up the wine and spirits platform atMaple & Ash , an upscale chophouse smooch in Chicago ’s chichiGold Coast , and do to the mesa ( er , corner stall ) with a boatload of experience , include stints as a wine director for the likes ofCharlie TrotterandDanny Meyer(she nab a James Beard Award for Outstanding Wine Service at The Modern ) . On a recent cheery good afternoon , Belinda gracefully allowed us to turn Maple & Ash ’s cocktail barroom into a bottled - piss inquiry research lab and , like a true wizard , plow through 9 different brands . Our somm evaluated each bottleful in terminal figure of flavour , odor , grain , and refinement and scored each out of 100 possible points , Wine Spectator - vogue .

" A good bottled water should n’t have any off - put aromas or flavors , that would be an reflex negative , " the beverage master excuse , lease our little experiment as gravely as humanly potential . " In wine , we always blab about terroir , and I guess for water it ’s the same . You require it to verbalise of the place where it come from . And , of course , you want it to be toothsome . "

sommelier belinda chang

Kristen Mendiola/Thrillist

So , which bottle dove graciously into the glass and which belly flopped ?

9. Propel, $1.49 per liter, 69/100

" The grain and flavor is a mountain like Gatorade , but not dissemble with orange or puritanic razzing . "

8. Ice Mountain, $1.19 per 500ml, 81/100

" It ’s whole neutral in almost every way , which I think is a entire positivistic . There ’s a slightly minerally , biting aftertaste on this , oddly . It does n’t burn as clean as I thought it would . There ’s by all odds a piping - like flavor , but when you toast it cold you do n’t notice it at all . It ’s like how tannins can finish out your impression of a wine – it coats the side of your tongue , and not in a pleasant manner . It ’s just all right . "

There ’s unquestionably a organ pipe - alike sapidity , but when you drink in it inhuman you do n’t acknowledge it at all .

7. Aquafina, $1.50 per 500ml, 84/100

" It ’s in reality fairly thirst - quenching – it does n’t have those watery tannins that some of the other I do . For an inexpensive weewee that you ’re just wassail because you ’re in the aerodrome and you desire to hydrate before you go on a flying , I think this is a good pick . "

6. Naleczowianka, $1 per 1.5 liters, 89/100

" This one definitely has a distinctive , stony olfactory modality and a really interesting palate feel , but not unpleasant . It surface your roof of the mouth but with a land character , if you will . There ’s a salt character – I require it with a pierogi . I do n’t love this one , but I ’m sure if you grew up drinking it , it would finger like home . It ’s like a vino that ’s not bad made , but just not to my taste . And it ’s not that thirstiness - extinction . It dry out out the roof of the mouth . "

There ’s emphatically some terroir in this sucker , like this would transport you back to the south of Italy .

5. Evian, $1.99 per liter, 90/100

" It ’s really fair on the nose , almost kind of calcareous . It reminds me of Chablis a little bit , although I certainly do n’t think I ’d get buzzed off of it . The water has a peculiar grain which I suppose is really interesting and it does have some flavor to it , so it ’s not just filter out completely . I do taste the Alps – I do n’t smack them , but I taste them . And I can definitely imagine myself apres - ski with a bottle of Evian . "

4. Smeraldina, $1.79 per liter, 92/100

" This has that Evian - like calcareous , stony affair , but like , on fleek . There ’s a tidy sum of minerality and after you have a sip of it , it feels like there ’s this ok silt lying on your clapper . There ’s emphatically some terroir in this sucker , like this would transport you back to the Confederate States of Italy . It ’s cold , but not at all in a bad way , crude like melted coke . This would be amazing with a dandy collection plate of spaghetti – it ’s not thirst - quenching , but it stands up to nutrient . "

3. smartwater, $1.39 per 700ml, 93/100

" It in reality does have a somewhat metallic aroma , which I never noticed before , mostly because I ’ve always chugged this the next morning when I ’m hungover . There ’s a really interesting texture in the mid - roof of the mouth which I make bold is the electrolyte – I just find like I ’m doing something upright for my encephalon . After all the wine-colored I drink on a daily basis , something to find the brain cell is always a good thing . It ’s likely 1,000 % the marketing , but it does taste dissimilar . "

2. Fiji, $1.78 per 700ml, 98/100

" It ’s entirely neutral on the nose , which I conceive is important . It ’s just juicy – I think of , if a water could be buttery without taste like butter , Fiji water is larder . It ’s gummy . There ’s something about the dissolved minerals in this water that make it really coat your palate . It ’s heavy piss – which is good , because if you want to booze a glass of water after a spectacular dish or , like , a great raciness of a burger , you require something that cleanses , and this is it . I really love this water . "

1. Roundy’s Purified Drinking Water, 99 cents per gallon, 99/100

" This is going to sound so weird , but it ’s a small sweet - smelling – which I wish ! You have it away what ? It ’s delicious . It has no pretension , it ’s fabulously thirst - extinguishing . It does n’t taste like anything , which is perfect . When you ’re booze water you just require to be drinking water , and this is the most watery of all the waters . This is the Moet Imperial of bottled water – it ’s simple , it ’s classic , and it does exactly what it ’s imagine to do . It delivers and that ’s my professional opinion . "

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smart water

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roundy’s water

Kristen Mendiola/Thrillist