In suit you ’ve been be under 2d groundwork , the Chicago Cubs and Cleveland Indians are playing in the World Series , beginning Tuesday nighttime . The implications are massive : The Cubs have n’t appear in the World Series since 1945 , get alone get ahead since 1908 , and the Indians have n’t win since 1948 . Both of my parents are retired , and they have n’t seen these hapless franchises win anything in their integral life .
Cleveland ’s seemingly on the seminal fluid up afterthe Cavs brokethe city ’s championship drouth earlier this year . But that still does n’t entirely wash away The Catch , Red Right 88 , The Drive , The Shot , the 1997 José Mesa Meltdown ( I holler into my pillow on Oct 26th , 1997 ) , or the fact that the Browns are the Browns . And just because sports are always more playfulness when you may detest on the opposing squad , let ’s take a look at a few reasons to bop the Cubs , beyond the common noesis that Cubs fans are objectively the worst .
The Cubs don’t have to care about money
Because North Siders will show up and swig beers regardless of literally anything that ’s happening on the baseball field , the Cubs have oodles of cash they typically squander . Most years , the Indians have one of thesmallest payrollsin all of baseball ( allegedly $ 96,304,400 in 2016 ) , and the Cubs have one of the big ( allegedly $ 171,611,834 in 2016 ) . Essentially , the two team play a dissimilar secret plan : The Indians have to pinch pennies and find undervalued asset , while the Cubs can just set $ 100 bills on fire and throw$155 million contractsat the top players in gratuitous agency andstill lose . If it does n’t mold out for the Indians , their team is sunk ; if it does n’t work out for the Cubs , they can in all likelihood just trade their problems to the Dodgers .
“Lovable losers” should not be embraced
This squad ’s entire identity is tie up in the idea that sports fan do n’t give a tinker’s damn whether the home team come through or loses – profanation against the clip - esteemed " Take Me Out to the Ballgame . " They ’ll show up at the Friendly Confines if Slammin ' Sammy is hitting steroid - fueled homers onto Waveland in first place , or if Andre Dawson gain NL MVPfor a last - place team .
Meanwhile , when the Indians in conclusion got good 20 years ago , they sold out 455 games in a quarrel from June 12th , 1995 , untilApril 4th , 2001 . Things have tailed off since , but everyone who live in Northeast Ohio in the ' 90s will tell you how magical a time it was .
Chicago dogs are dumb
Justshut up about them already . I do bask them . But honestly , anybody who nitpicks the condiment another mortal puts on cased meatof unknown provenancedeserves the miserable winters they endure through . I will takeBertman Ball Park Mustardover nuclear - radiation flavour or fun capsicum every day of the week , and for a doubleheader on Sunday . We ’re talking about hot weenie , not foie gras .
Curses don’t beat abject awfulness
While the tales of the Billy Goat and Bartman are well known , let ’s keep something in mind : The Cubs have been periodically free-enterprise throughout their chronicle . Every few years , they ’d come in 2nd or third , or even unsighted - squirrel their elbow room into first . The Indians , comparatively , come inthird place on the dot once between 1960 and 1993 . They were horrendous . But …
Cubs fans love whining about their curse
Although the Wrigley faithful horn a measure possessor with a wolf job and a dweeb in a polo-neck reaching for a foul ball ( 90 % of you would have done the same affair ) , the Indians ' lesser - known but still - go expletive tie into a bona fide personnel flub : the Curse of Rocky Colavito .
After winning the home bleed crown in 1959 , the Indians ' best participant was merchandise to the Detroit Tigers for batten champ Harvey Kuenn . They then proceed to finish no better than 11 games out of first for the subsequent 33 old age . Plus , Hollywood made crybaby salad from the volaille bullshit that was the Tribe : Major League .
Chicago still has way more titles
The Blackhawks have won three Stanley Cups in the last six year . The Bulls win six title in the nineties . The Bears win the Super Bowl in 1986 and appeared in another in 2007 . The White Sox ( stark ) won the World Series in 2005 . It ’s only the Cubs that really imbibe . Let ’s make this a fraction pandering to millennials ( beginning in 1982 ): 11/36 .
Cleveland ’s hockey squad was the last to fold up shop entirely in the four major American sports . The Cavs have win one title in 46 years . The Indians have n’t won a World Series since the Truman disposal . The Browns are candidly too embarrassing to even discuss . Cleveland ’s fraction : 1/36 .
Screw you , Cubs devotee , and your one - team misery fetich .
Ffooter/Shutterstock
Cubs games are just gross frat parties
take any Chicagoan over the age of 27 if they ’d choose to know in Wrigleyville ; they would n’t . If you ’ve ever seen stinker on a Red Line train , you may safely assume it originated somewhere around the intersection of Addison and Sheffield .
Wrigley Field is kind of a dump
avowedly , Wrigley is a sport bucket list experience . But it ’s also elderly than Methuselah , and hoi polloi playact like not having Light in your house until 1988 is an accomplishment . reckon if somebody bluster about not have indoor plumbing in the twentieth 100 , or having a cellular telephone in 2016 . While we ’re at it : about that indoor bathymetry affair …
This urinal-dive guy exists
If that does n’t convince you of the fraternity fest that is a Cubs day game , nothing will .
Cubs management is annoying
Reasons :
Major Leagueis objectively better thanRookie of the Year
expect , the joke ofHenry Rosenbaggerand Chet Steadman made me laugh enough when I was 10 . But the finish where a slugger nearly sting his spit off swinge at an underhand floater ca n’t hold a box of Cracker Jack to Jake Taylor laying down that bunt . I still tear up at that entire scene .
Seriously , try not gravel goosebumps when Bob Uecker erupts . That ’ll be every Tribe fan if ( and when ) it last happens . Plus , coke - up , pre - peak Charlie Sheen > coked up post - peak Gary Busey .
Some Cubs players are legit turds
Aroldis Chapman : hold the MLB book for fastest recorded slant at 105.1 mph . Also holds record book for beingfirst player suspendedunder the conference ’s new joint domestic violence , sexual assault , and baby misuse policy for allegedly choking his girlfriend and sack eight accelerator pedal shaft . Nothing here is funny . Screw this abusive dickhead .
Kyle Schwarber : Kyle Schwarber’sshoulders commence at his ear . He look like if he did n’t act as baseball , he ’d drive a pickup with truck nuts . He believably already does .
John Lackey : John Lackey is an asshole . Literally no one will argue about this , except maybe his immediate family , and even then , they ’re belike restfully think it , too .
Brent Hofacker/Shutterstock
Jason Heyward:“The J - Hey Kid " used to be the most exciting new role player in baseball . Now if you Google him , this is what show up :
Yeah , that ’s not terminate well for anybody .
Jon Lester and Anthony Rizzo : Both of these guys beat Crab . And that ’s unbelievable . But that makes it impossible for me to root against them . I want to detest the opposing squad ’s players . I ca n’t . This sucks .
Flickr/swanksalot
Whoever make headway this World Series is going to shudder its fan base in ways they never imagined . But quite frankly ? Cleveland want this way more than Chicago . If we ’re just talking about Cubs rooter , sure , they ’ve stand hatful . But they also get to stir up up in Chicago the day after and likely go to an all correct occupation . The people in Cleveland survive in a city that ’s the butt of jokes – but nobody’ll be laughing if it holds down both the NBA and MLB titles at the same meter .
OK , that ’s not exactly true ; the Browns are still the Browns . But we can always hope , correct ?
Sign up herefor our day-by-day Cleveland email and be the first to get all the food / swallow / fun in townsfolk .
cstarns/YouTube
Movieclips/YouTube
Google Screenshot
