There are loads of weird and wonderful things about Austin , from Barton Springs to breakfast tacos , our trillion of bands to our millions of bats – so it was only a matter of clock time before the rest of the worldly concern notice out . While we can certainly understand outsiders ’ desire to move to our sound off - ass city , they do n’t always make it well-situated on local in footing of tolerability . In recent years we ’ve confuse southerly hospitality out the window and have fundamentally transformed into curmudgeonly old man yelling at kids to get off our lawn ( hence ourpartiallytongue - in - impertinence catchword : Welcome to Austin , Do n’t Move Here ) .
So in the spirit of feeling superior and fundamentally just detest everyone that is n’t us , here are a few of the transplants who are slowly ruining our life , in their own special way . Because if you ca n’t beat ‘ em , well , at least make fun of ‘ em .
The YOLO Spokesperson
Attracted by a bevy of beautiful # nofilter Instagram pic of Austin , this transplanting follow their # gypsylife and headed to Austin with nothing but what fit in their car … OK , their mom is going to ship them the rest of their stuff when they get conciliate . But still , BOLD MOVE ! While you in person used to feel like a sanely fun someone , the YOLO Spokesperson has an uncanny ability for making you self - witting about your stable and therefore bore life like work a 9 - 5 , owning piece of furniture , and , uh , make a posting address . They ’ve really romanticized this nomad notion , a modus vivendi they sing about as much as they hashtag , and in hopes of absorbing some adventuresome vibraharp by connection and peradventure osmosis , you might be tempted to countenance them crash on your couch until they find a blank space . Be warn : " spare look " is often synonymous with " freeloader . "
The Tech Scenester
California was out of their puff zona ( or at least budget ) , so The Tech Scenester opted for Silicon Hills over Silicon Valley and is presently building apps and poundingTopo Chicoat one of 1,000 indistinguishable design studios . Easily identifiable by a T - shirt featuring their company logo and their bivalent entendres about floppy disks , you may typically see them play on company - frequent kickball team , invading business district bars for felicitous hour circa 3 postmortem examination , and , on juncture , even working .
The Rowdy Student
When their parents throw them off outside their dorm on Speedway with a sight of Container Store crates , they became an immediate boon to thesticky - floored bars of Dirty Sixth , whose owners can bank on four years of unbendable taxation from bar hopping . However , anyone over the years of 25 who is n’t profiting from this demographic acknowledge that , while their campaign ( higher education ) may be sizable and they ’re certainly paying their dues ( literally : tutelage ) , college kids are , to put it simply , the worst .
Whether it ’s comforting a crying sorority girl in the can at 9 pm , force - feeding a lost and frightened newbie mozzarella sticks in hopes he ’ll sober up , or yelling “ Where are your parents ? ! ” at a stumbling throng of burn - orange clad youth , we ’ve all have inauspicious interactions with these animals when they escape campus . At least most of them leave after four years ?
The Entitled Musician Turned Bitter Bartender
inspire by the likes of Spoon , Willie Nelson , or Gary Clark Jr. , they packed a used caravan with guitar pedals , amps , and reluctant dance band members and – with visual sense of sugar plums and sold - out shows dancing in their head – headed to the promised land to pursue their Top 40 dreams in the Live Music Capital of the World . unluckily they do n’t have the the connectedness ( or talent ) to cut their teeth at the Austin venue they visited at SXSW that one time , and witness their stage opps confine to give mic night and acoustic set at new , try - arduous tapas spots .
Upset by the rivalry and clearly not cognisant of the fact that winner does n’t occur free with an Austin area codification , they now sling cocktails made with equal parts bitters and bitterness at a legal profession that will pay them to teem drinks but , alas , still wo n’t book their band . And , to be honest , it ’s kind of killing your bombination .
The Remote Swiper
They have n’t move to Austin quite yet ( they ’re 759 mile by , on the face of it ) , but they ’ve already virtually invade the city as part of the digital date pool , which is both misleading and somehow even more annoying than them being here in person . Two s after you match with a Remote Swiper , you ’ll unavoidably be bombard with questions about the best areas to live , the good thing to do , and the best places to eat and drink in Austin , and an hour into the conversation – when you find yourself scouring the interwebs on their behalf – you ’ll realize you ’ve somehow transition from amorous vista to on - the - ground realtor , upshot contriver , and concierge .
Your best bet is torefer them to some helpful websitesand focus on finding flaws in transplantation that are here in the chassis . Oh , and do n’t leave to unmatch .
The App Pusher
perhaps it was the pre - existing startup climate or maybe it was the Uber / Lyft hegira , which produce a huge , potentially profitable grocery store : pissed - off millennials who care to drink and do n’t do public transportation . Either way , here comes this ego with an estimation , who ramp up a not - so - cleverly describe app and moved to Austin to take advantage of the natural endowment and iPhone - addicted customer floor .
More persistent than the clipboard - wielding donation searcher Downtown and more fast-growing than those Bluetooth - wearing bros vendition scent at cubicle inside Barton Creek Mall , they ’ve overrun Austin to push their digital mathematical product , trace you with flyers , promo codes , and Facebook result call for for launch parties that you sincerely doubt 3,495 citizenry are actually “ concerned in . ”
The Condo-Residing Complainer
Totally jazzed about move to the city that birthed medicine events and movement like Austin City Limits and SXSW , this organ transplant decided they require to rest right where the action is and sign a letting to become one of the10,000 + people living Downtown . affirmative ( but mostly delusional ) , they assume residence on Red River would plainly involve delight the B+ band headliningStubb’sfrom their balcony for free . What they did n’t see is that it ’s more often loud - and - local punk rock rattling the paries and cast off their 9 pm bedtime ( a necessity for the kind of job that affords one residence in the 78701 ) , and so they do the inexcusable : issue noise complaints . Which result in noise ordinance . Which lead in peril the very fabric of society what makes this city great and DON’T THEY bring in THE sarcasm OF affect TO A CITY FOR THE euphony AND THEN COMPLAINING ABOUT THE MUSIC ? ! * Whew * Do n’t worry , they ’ll initiate Airbnb - ing their stead and flee to the ‘ burbs in no time .
The Portlander
Tired of the job plaguing Portland ( and perhaps aftergetting tail - terminate by the bozo from Modest Mouse ) , this Oregonian decide to head to the other American city hell - bent on keeping it weird . After stuff a travelling bag full of flannel and take up the armoured combat vehicle of their Subaru , they asked Siri for directions to Austin and hit the road in search of greener , or at least significantly less drizzly , pastures .
Now , the trouble with Portlanders is n’t a problem , per se ; they ’re in reality an unoffending , crunchy bunch with interest , priorities , and complaints that generally align with ours . In fact , if they did n’t insist on outwear the said white in July , one might actually mistake them for Austinites . The issue is really that the presence of Portlanders is just … redundant . And although this is by far the most preferable type of transplant , there are – as we locals wish to remind everyone every five second –110 the great unwashed impress here every twenty-four hour period , and we just do n’t have room for watered - down , West Coast variant of ourselves .
The Comeback Kid
The prodigal son returneth ! Or at least that ’s how this person will entrap their triumphant move back to Austin ( otherwise known asStage 7 ) . After deciding that ATX was becoming too mainstream and [ insert cliché complaint here ] , the Comeback Kid pack their bags to try out the up - and - coming American hipster townsfolk du jour . But before they could even switch out their Texas license plates they ’re back with a “ broaden worldview ” … which really just correspond to a holy - than - one thousand - mental attitude and propensity for complaining about how much things have changed in their absence .
While perhaps not technically a transplant , they suffer their Austinite condition the consequence they violate the city by leaving it , and will therefore be treated as one . evermore .
The Franchise Opportunist
Whether in an attempt to capitalize on the influx of Californians ( see below ) via In - N - Out , make money on thisimpossible geological dating climatewith Ben and Jerry ’s , or enthrone in students ’ and lapidator ’ tardy - night munchies by opening … well , anything , the Franchise Owner symbolizes what ’s most terrifying about Austin immigration : the mainstream . And , more worrisomely , the local business in danger as , with every 75 - cent scoop of guac , we inch nigher towards becoming Everytown , America ( our waistlines inching along with us ) .
regrettably , those burrito bowls taste way too good to boycott .
Your Soon-to-Be Ex
So you ’ve shut down the mileage crack on the longsighted - distance relationship and your S.O. has made the move to Austin and , more specifically , your bedchamber . What start off as the good kind of transplanting , however , is destined to become the absolute worst when you disclose up and are force to fight for custody of your friends and favorite saloon , restaurants , gyms , and even grocery store stores . While Austin is a pretty big city , you ’re still doom to run into them on occasion – or at least draw to be in constant care that you might – and their very existence place a serious damper on pretty much everything .
You view trying to get them deport , but apparently that ’s not really an option when they just come from Delaware .
The Californian
For some reason , we ’ve developed an unwarranted disdain for those from the Golden State . Though they are n’t even the “ most invasive coinage ” threatening Austin ’s Austin - ness , and we were , admittedly , really stoked about Trader Joe ’s , Californians have somehow become scapegoats for everything we see as wrong with Austin . And the thing is , The Californian has typically done nothing wrong at all ; they ’re disliked only by virtue of being from California and because , like Kanye and Taylor Swift , some rivalries just do n’t make any sense . ( Californians : “ We would very much care to be exclude from this narrative , one that we have never inquire to be part of . ” )
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