have ’s be dependable : anytime you meet someone who does n’t live in LA , they ’re a little jealous that you do live in LA . And that jealousy rears its headspring as questions you do n’t desire to serve but you have to , because if you do n’t , they ’re gon na be like , “ gentleman , LA ’s deepen him , and now he ’s just a jerky who wo n’t answer enquiry ! ” But you know who the real jerk is ? The guy wire asking questions like :
Is it really sunny all the time?
Well , sorta yes . I imply , it rain , but , yeah , the weather ’s pretty good . But you knew that already .
How do you deal with all the traffic?
Pokémon Go . Duh .
Do you live Downtown?
Do I look like I just moved here from New York or Chicago ? No ? Then why the hell would I live Downtown ?
Do you live on the beach?
Do I look like a billionaire tech investor ? No ? Then how the hell could I afford dwell by the beach ?
Do you eat a lot of kale?
Well , candidly , yes . But we also eat aton of burgers . And tacos . And donuts . Because LA has amazing , amazing intellectual nourishment … that ’s not kale .
Do you know any celebrities?
It bet on your definition of celebrity . If “ that cat who was Tom Hanks ' Kyd inThe ' Burbs ” numeration , then yes , I bed a celebrity ( and he ’s a great guy ! ) . But I can not acquaint you to Brad Pitt . Er , unless I work at UTA . In which pillow slip , maybe I get laid Brad Pitt . I dunno .
Is everyone really beautiful?
No , they ’re not . Also , reader , you ’re beautiful just the way you are , so do n’t concern about it .
Are you a surfer?
Do n’t you see me surfing the populace wide web right now ?
Why is the pizza so bad?
It ’s not . Also , eat a wetback . finish kick .
Can you pick me at at LAX when I get in?
Uh , definitely , 100 % no .
Do you ever wish you lived in NY?
No , I do n’t . Because here , I in reality have elbow room for a sofa AND a layer in my apartment . And also , that Lord’s Day affair again .
Do I really need a car there?
Well , in reality , for the first time ever – thanks to rideshare service andthe awing Metro extension– the response to this is sort of not - really . Unless you ’re planning on going to Disneyland , or bad-tempered - town to Long Beach from Pasadena . In which case , yes , you really need a gondola .
Wait, you guys have a Metro?
We do ? We do ! ! !
Aren’t you worried about everything being buried in a huge earthquake?
Uh , frankly , yes . For certain .
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