Contrary to popular opinion , simply populate in the 606 does n’t make you a dead on target Chicagoan . To be a citizen in ripe standing , you must abide by a sealed code of morality and brand various unsavory behaviors . Ketchup on a hot dog ? Meh , who honestly deal ? These are 21 far more black erroneousness .
Admit to ordering pizza from a chain restaurant
Weallhave our moment when we just desire really crappy pizza . Is this a self - loathing thing ? We ’re not certain . What we do make love is this : no ego - respecting Chicagoan actuallyadmitsto rust pizza from a internal chain . “That Papa John ’s box seat sitting on the counter ? Oh , yeah … um , that ’s my roommate ’s . So stark ! ”
Drag out the Chicago vs New York debate
It ’s already been proven thatChicago is ranking to New York . At this point , it ’s just cruel to keep reminding them that we have better pizza and hot dogs . And computer architecture . And cleanliness . And we can actually afford to hold out alone . And … OK , we ’ll stop .
Refer to Chicago as anything but its proper name
This includes , but is not limited to : Chi - Town , the Windy City , or the worst offender , Chi - Raq . All of those nicknames are horrible , and so are you .
Go to Navy Pier after the age of 10
Unless you have a child or are one , Navy Pier is hell and there ’s almost no rationality to inflict , unless you ’re going for the sentiment . If that ’s the case , here ’s a steer : visit at dayspring . No tourer , lovely view , and better motion picture . You ’re welcome .
Say “I’m really excited for the redevelopment of Wrigley!”
Dear Mr. Ricketts : we ask for estimable bathrooms , not the Streets of Woodfield . Oh , and PS : your Omaha is read .
Show an ounce of remorse for Lincoln Towing (hopefully) shutting down
May those unscrupulous carjackers have the tow yard hauled far , far by without notice or involve for the law / human decency .
Refer to the intersection at Milwaukee/Damen/North Ave as “Six Corners”
Any Chicagoan worth their celery common salt bonk therealSix Corners is located in Portage Park . Yes , the Wicker Park intersectiondoeshave six corner … and so do many other intersections throughout Chicago . But you knew that already , riiiight ?
Warn an unsuspecting victim about Malört
The good affair about Malört is tricking unsuspecting people ( typically non - Chicagoans ) into toast it for the lone function of laughing at the look of disgust on their face . No ego - respecting Chicagoan would ruin that moment for the rest of us .
Spend any drinking holiday in Wrigleyville
Everyone is reserve one free pass – just one . If you value your saneness and have any oz. of ego - respect , you ’ll cease after that . Once you see yourselfcrying on the curbat Clark and Roscoe at 1 Prime Minister on St. Patrick ’s Day , you ’re officially beyond hope .
Complain about minor amounts of snow on Facebook
Just stop . Please . If 2 in of Charles Percy Snow is the risky we ’ve had all month , then we ’re golden . You ’re going to jinx us , you weakling .
Remove someone’s dibs
If you valuate your car , you ’ll do what ’s good for you and slowwwly pull away from the nicely shoveled place with the trike and broken lawn chair in it . And if you ’re one of those the great unwashed that removes someone ’s dibs to prove a tip and then leaves the spot loose for an unsuspecting victim to park in , well … you ’re 100 time bad than the person who take dibs . ( You ’re belike also not from Chicago . )
Admit to considering how much easier life would be in the suburbs
It happens to the best of us . After circulate the block 50 times , you begin to hallucinate and daydream about driveways . And garages ! Oh , what you would give for a two - car garage right now . Just as you begin to fantasy about limitless breadsticks , you regain your senses . Not today , Satan . Not . Today .
Willingly visit Taste of Chicago
Serious question : doesanyonebenefit from the Taste of Chicago ? The food for thought is overprice and never as in effect as it is in the restaurant . Both the urban center and vendors hardly call on a profit . Basically , the only unity that profit from this event are tourer who do n’t have these restaurants at their disposal . And pigeons . It’sgreatfor the pigeons .
Root for the Packers
That ’s it . We ’re dropping you off at Mars Cheese Castle and leave you there . PS : if you find your manner back , could you bring some sharp cheddar with you ? Thanks !
Use any of the following words: Willis, Macy’s, soda, or vegetarian
You ’re a piss - pitiable excuse for a Chicagoan and shall now be deport to South Bend . Be go !
Say “Jonathan TOES is my favorite!”
Admit it : you have n’t watched a individual Blackhawks game , have you ?
Get excited by Victory Auto Wreckers’ new commercial
Your shaggy-coated fuzz , broken cable car threshold , and honeyed watchband live on in our hearts , Bob Zajdel .
Avoid taking Lower Wacker Drive
The mark of a good cabbie is if he or she takes Lower Wacker Drive . If you ’re one of those mass that kick when your cab driver remove Lower Wacker , well , you deserve every single , painful minute you ’re stuck sit in Loop traffic .
Show preference for any major city aside from Chicago
Did you really just say you love LA ? OFF WITH YOUR HEAD !
Get a Chicago flag tattoo without knowing the significance
Trust us : you ’re going to be mighty embarrassed when someone test you on its meaning and you ca n’t even muster up the significance of a individual star .
Say “I’m really excited about the sudden influx of hipsters in our neighborhood!”
Unless , of course of study , you ’re following that up with , " Boy , I really wish my landlord would bear down more for tear . This $ 800 - a - month one - bedroom flat iswaytoo low-cost ! "
bless up herefor our day-after-day Chicago e-mail and be the first to get all the nutrient / drinkable / fun the town has to put up .
Lisa Chatroopis editor of Chicago - based lifestyle blogDailyUrbanista.com . She is eternally thankful to her parent for teaching her about the evils of cetchup and defective pizza at an early age . Say hi to her on Twitter:@Chicagoista .
Flickr/Sharan Mohandoss (edited)
Flickr/Serge Melki
Flickr/Viewminder
Flickr/agit-prop
Flickr/Peter F.
Flickr/Michael Kappel
Flickr/clarkmaxwell
