ideate you last in , say , Morocco , and Pitbull comes to town on tour and stay fresh repeating these three numbers over and over again like it ’s the code to unlock the secrets of the universe . Mystified , you go home to search what , on the dot , this “ 3 - 0 - 5 ” number means . And then you find that it ’s … a randomly take number by the US speech sound companies doom for the region of Dade County , Florida .
Well , that was disappointing .
Our country computer code is but one of many things Miamians have an ridiculous amount of pride in . Not to say there are n’t some chest - tumefy things about survive in South Florida . But some others … well , some others just do n’t make any damn sense .
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Cuban sandwiches
So our greatest contribution to the American culinary collective is … a ham actor and cheese sandwich . Oh , but it has pickles , table mustard AND mayonnaise ? ! Well , nevermind then !
Driving like assholes
Because when you pick your acquaintance up at the airport and they start hold on to their armrests for devout life as you reduce off 16 taxicab drivers and move over five lanes without signaling , all you tell them is , “ This is how we do in Miami , bro . ”
Our bodies
Miami might be the only city in the world where it ’s perfectly acceptable for clotheshorse to stake ab selfies somewhere other than Grindr . gratefully we ’re building so many glass tower that we ’ll never bleed out of broody control surface .
Hialeah
Ya tu sabe .
Booty music
If the bass part is n’t rattling the trunk , does it even calculate as euphony ?
Running on “Miami time”
Being perpetually late is n’t a cute little personality quirk . It ’s rude and disrespectful . And nobody ’s believing you did n’t call back there ’d be traffic . YOU know THERE’D BE dealings .
Other people’s money
The Dan Marino era
We get it . This was the last time the Dolphins even sniffed relevance . But the highlight of Marino ’s streak was a Super Bowl … red ink . This would be like Panthers fans waxing nostalgic about the Jake Delhomme epoch .
The weather
Yes , there is a sure delight in commit a picture of your feet on a beach in February to all your friends in “ the sterling city in the world . ” Because clearly , all that peacock blue water and temperateness was your doing .
Our cars
The ready mode to get into a fight in Miami is diss someone ’s car . Even if it is only theirs for the next 36 months / until the next escape rental payment .
Being a DJ
You know Paris Hilton is doing that now too , correct ?
The ability to quoteScarface
Your power to imitate Al Pacino ’s terrible impersonation of Cuban the great unwashed should n’t even impress yourself .
Knowing the owner
peradventure if every person who knows a guy with a 2 % share in a run - down gild did n’t show up expecting to drink barren all Nox , they would n’t all go out of business so fast . Just a theory .
Getting “VIP” for anything
So you got a coupon for a VIP oil change at Jiffy Lube , huh ? Damn .
Grotesquely large butts
¯_(ツ)_/¯
Hurricane parties
You know who get under one’s skin excited to pledge all nighttime with 140 miles per hour winds judge to take your cap off ? Usually citizenry who ’ve never been through an existent hurricane . Just make trusted you peck the party thrown by the guy who ’s know in Florida for 10 + years .
Living here
Because if we do n’t have irrational pride about pick out to survive in a metropolis full of dealings , corruption , dreaded drivers , and skyrocket rent , all we ’ve experience is Pitbull .
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Courtesy of Jimmy Carey
Flickr/Casey Florig
Universal Studios
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