You ’re a New Yorker . You are great . You know it , we know it . Unfortunately everyone outside of the Tri - State Area might not know it . Some of our GREATEST qualities ( like our compulsion withreal estateand oecumenical disdain for anyone who gets in our way ) , while charming and completely normal to other the great unwashed who live here , have been known to turn off the entire rest of the country . It ’s not you , trust us . It ’s definitely them . But just so we ’re all on the same varlet , here are the things that will make you an asshole anywhere except New York City .
Asking about rent
It ’s not that we ’re being nosy . We just need to have it off if we ’re sire more or less screwed than our supporter … or coworkers … or that guy wire we sometimes see on the N / Q train .
Complaining about EVERYTHING but then doing it anyway
showing 1 : “ I am NOT waiting two hours for brunch … ohhh but it’sbottomless , you say ? ”
showing 2 : “ Why do we always have to do shit that is so expensive ? I only have $ 42 in my banking company account . ” ( But by the end of the night you ’ve had two cocktail at Bua , dinner party and a bottle of wine at Supper , and you ’ve Uber’d yourself back to Astoria . )
display 3 : “ This city is the WORST . The weather sucks , my rent is too high , and everyone here is an arse . ” ( But when your friends even consider move somewhere else you question their sanity – and your own , for ever choose to cling out with them . )
Flickr/Chris Ford (Edited)
Not observing normal manners
“ Can I get a … ” is a completely legit way to order . “ Please ” is irrelevant , so long as it ’s espouse up with a “ thanks , man . ”
Avoiding eye contact/sometimes flat-out ignoring others
Whether it ’s a homeless person , a clipboard person , or an old college roommate , there ’s really just no meter to block and chat .
Bad umbrella etiquette
There ’s no way for anyone on the pavement because everyone has a enormous and totally unneeded umbrella – plus , the ground is littered with the desert carcase of thousands of other easy destructible Duane Reade umbrella .
Taking loud cellphone conversations in inappropriate places
On the subway . At Starbucks . In an assailable - plan billet . On the street outside someone ’s bedchamber windowpane who is really just trying to get some slumber , OK ? ! Wherever we go , we make it percipient to everyone within three land mile what we mean of that Tinder hombre ’s penis size and the color and body of thing no one wants to know about .
Taking a lot of liberties with PDA
Someone could foreseeably find it unmannered that we ’re smacking our backtalk together against the subway door , or going for a little over - the - bloomers legal action in the back street corner of the bar . But we be in tiny apartments with roommate who can hear everything anyway , so what ’s the departure if the full bar can hear it too ?
Not knowing how to drive
There ’s a reason “ Hey , I ’m walkin ’ here ! ” is the self-aggrandizing New York platitude of all . Cars in New York belong to out - of - towners . menstruation . Never ride makes us terrible walker – ‘ Jay walking ’ to foreigner is just crossing the street to us . And when we in reality do have to ride somewhere ( if we even have a license ) , we ’re Supreme Being - dreadful at it . But hey , at least we ’re dear than drivers in Jersey ?
Believing nothing
We last in a world where we love a guy cable who knows a cat who once gave all his money to a “ factor ” for an flat that never existed . “ ConEd ” is always knocking on our doors to seek to aid us “ save money . ” The guy at the delicatessen assures us that the bagels were “ boiled in the back . ” We inherently believe everyone and everything is a scam . Because it usually is .
Thinking (no, KNOWING) cab drivers have no idea where they’re going
speak of being perpetual skeptic , we always assume cab drivers are take us the farsighted way . Just go the route we lay out for you and no one gets suffer .
Breaking up with people because they live far away
You could be infrangible soul mate material , if not for the fact that it takes 45 minutes to get to you , and on the G train , no less . Next swipe .
Getting irrationally angry at the “sick passenger”
We all realize this make us LEGITIMATE assholes , but in the second all we can call up is , “ It ’s going to be HOW long before we start moving ? ” Sometimes we watch over it up with a quick , “ I hope that soul is OK . ” But not often . OK , not ever , really .
Believing we are holier than thou
We really do look down at the rest of the commonwealth from the tips of our perfectly mustachioed nose . We get what we need when we need it . We have ethereal Ethiopian intellectual nourishment on the same block as banging Vietnamese pho on the same mental block as the world ’s great tacos right from a truck . There are 17 banks on any given corner of Midtown so we do n’t HAVE to pay ridiculous ATM fees . We can drink as much as we want without having to worry about a DD . Our closest Walmart is in New Jersey and WE DON’T EVEN NEED IT .
Being really quick to lay on the horn
It ’s bulwark - to - wall gridlock and no one is going anywhere , and a solid 26 seconds of honking is definitely not to get things act right away . But everyone in earshot knowing we ’re take a leak off just construct us feel unspoilt .
Hating kids and anyone under 35 who has them
Williamsburg is ruined . Park Slope is one gargantuan sandbox . Astoria has NEVER been a “ cool ” pick because of all the fellowship . And do n’t you dare bring that stroller into my measure . In New York you are n’t supposed to procreate until you ’re ready to move the hell away .
Never contacting people after a first date
Even if the escort went comparatively well , it is dead reasonable to assume that your “ I had a dandy time ! ” textual matter will go entirely unanswered . And it really is nothing personal .
ALWAYS being late
unremarkably it ’s not our break . There ’s traffic or the subway was rerouted or a meeting course way too long . But then there are the time we ’ll say we ’re “ four blocks aside ! ! ! ” when we have n’t even left our apartments yet .
Hating transplants
We are “ real New Yorkers . ” We ca n’t stand these crazy yoots coming in with their atomic number 10 dark glasses and their fancy $ 11 beer . They bastardize our bagels and our pizza and they raise our rent and destruct our neighborhoods . We ca n’t standtransplants . Even though the legal age of us were them at one percentage point .
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Flickr/David Tan
Flickr/Adrian Cabrero
Flickr/theleetgeeks
Flickr/Rene Passet
Flickr/Steven Pisano
